to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

OK, assuming she’s a totally normal and nice person, and doesn’t have any nearby friends or relatives - she’s probably pretty desperate for a good wash.

Assuming she’ll also provide her own soap, shampoo and towel.

I’d message - “Hi Neighbour, omg what a nightmare for you. Yes of course, does X time tomorrow work for you? Just knock on, and I’ll show you upstairs and how to work it. You can pop your towel and soap next to my things, no problem”.

But it’s completely up to you. You don’t have to allow her. But it’s the kinder thing to do, and assert your boundaries regarding times/days/bringing her own products.

This would be a nightmare for me. I've got ADHD and something like this request would ruin my week. I'd be stressing if my bathroom was clean enough and worrying all day about when the neighbour would call. But even I'd say yes because I'd know it was the right thing to do and I couldn't articulate why this would be difficult for me.

I get it OP. I really do. Some people just struggle with stuff like this but I think if would probably sour relations so it's about weighing up which is worse for you.

I wouldn't hesitate if one of my neighbours asked. Its hardly a big imposition on you.

Is it her shower or her boiler that’s broken?

Sorry what nonsense is this? Everyone is entitled to their boundaries.
I would never ask a neighbour this. I would go to a gym or leisure centre or wash some other way.

I would find it really intrusive to have a neighbour in my bathroom. Visitors only ever use the downstairs loo. If I was off work there is no way I could be comfortable as a PP said giving them a key to let themself in to shower.

OP do what suits you. Less of all the poor woman must be desperate, she asked, you can say it doesn’t suit.

Favours I have done for neighbours include pet sitting and baby sitting, picking up food shopping, helping in garden, witnessing documents or passport forms, lifts to train station, helping kids with homework. But no, not my shower. I don’t think that makes me a bad neighbour.

I’ve no idea what the actual nature of the issue is with the shower.

Yes I think it’s a lot to ask for showers every other day until the week after next!

I wouldn’t mind accommodating someone two or three times but beyond that it’s a bit cheeky. What’s wrong with the local swimming pool? Or getting a temporary pass for the gym rather than inconveniencing others.

Yes. I’ve done similar for neighbours in the past, not so much around here yet as fairly recently moved, but at our previous house. I was a community responder during the height of the pandemic. Various things. But apparently, I’m an awful person generally ☺️

Could you do once a week?

I was without hot water for weeks once due to kitchen being rebuilt, -I boiled kettles but at the time I had really long, thick hair that was a pain to wash in a bowl- My neighbour over the road offered for once a week, and someone else offered once a week, too- one can do bowl washes, and a shower twice a week is fine with bowl washes in between.

She might be a shower hog and use loads of hot water - plus someone else steaming up the bathroom.

I’d say yes, and just get on with the disruption.

Realistically, what is it costing you to just be nice and say yes? I wouldn't hesitate. She will be there for the length of the shower. You will have the house to yourself for the rest of the day.

I do think it's a bit mean not to let her use your shower at all...
Just give her a couple of days and times when she can. Say you can't accommodate her more than that.
But I really don't think you should not let her use it at all. I'm a massive introvert abd even I would try abd find a suitable time from a friend to use my shower if they really needed to.
Hopefully if you give her a couple of days she has other friends she could turn to fir the rest of the time.

I wonder if she thinks your more friendly than you do, with the dog walks etc.

Im the same. Only on MN would you not answer the door to family and friends but let what's basically a stranger use your shower🤣🤣🤣

No, I would say it's not convenient. I don't think she should have asked you that! Can she not wash up at a sink and do her hair under the kitchen tap? People can survive a week without a shower!
Also that is to long to wait to have a shower fixed, she should look for a differant plumber.

Well it'll cost her two weeks of water and electric when shower is being used so it isn't free is it

I wouldn't mind at all
I'd give her preferable time
It's only for a short time and you never know when you might need a favour too

I'd never ask my neighbours to use their showers. Local gym or sink at home.
If something makes you uncomfortable, don't do it.

I'm 59

I can't believe these responses. Neighbour is asking to bob in for a quick shower, why would that be a problem? It would take less than 20 minutes.
I'm now aware my neighbours are normal in the same way if I asked a favour, they could always ask me with a positive (normal) response.

I'm a real grump and hate the idea of someone who's just a friendly acquaintance coming into my home every couple of days for a week or so, even for only 15-20 minutes each time.

However, I'd bear in mind that at some point I might well need my neighbour to do me a favour, so I would agree to this - obviously, setting times that cause me the least inconvenience.

I do understand posters saying she could instead have a strip wash at her sink - but, honestly, who is going to feel thoroughly clean after a week or so of that?

Just think about how you'd feel if the circumstances were the other way round.

I wouldn't like that at all but I do agree with others that helping out neighbours is generally worth it. In her shoes I would be driving to the local pool for a swim every two days and doing it there, at least a few times, using someone's bathroom every two days is a lot to ask. But I like my privacy and space.

I'd say yes because I'm a softie but I would then spend 12 hours scrubbing the bathroom and cleaning and vacuuming any room she might go through etc. ( i'm not the world's most conscientious cleaner obviously) I'm more of a "shite people are coming over tomorrow - everybody panic".

I like to think I’m a good neighbour, I have looked after pets and plants and taken in parcels but a bathroom is quite a personal
space isn’t it? I store quite personal items in mine.

I’m afraid I also wouldn’t like the idea of me being downstairs while someone I don’t know very well has the run of upstairs. I could maybe tolerate it once or twice but not beyond that.

Also, the fact that she has asked for help for this length of time , rather than showering at a gym or washing at the sink and just making do like most people, would seem to indicate that she is the sort of person who puts her own convenience ahead of others and as such maybe doesn’t have great boundaries, which could be a problem in future.

<over-thinking> 😃😃

I'd let her. I don't see the big deal. Tell her what time is convenient to you, and if it's while you are working ask her to let herself in and out without disturbing you.