For reporting my DH to the Health Visitor? What should I do?

[getmeout12]

My husband is Irish. He swears as part of his every day vocabulary, it seems to be an Irish thing (is it!?). Tells me his parents always used the F word when he grew up. We have two young children (6 and 4). He swears in front of them on a daily basis: "F sake" multiple times a day; "stop f-ing doing that", "get out of that f-cking car" type of thing. If he's working around the house and something frustrates him, we'll often hear a "F&cking hell" shouted loudly from whichever room he is in.

My 4 year old has sworn twice during October half term to his grandparents who are mortified. You ask him where he's heard that, "Daddy". It's almost now farcical, both my 6 and 4 year old say "Daddy swears".

My 6 year old has made him a swear jar called "Daddy's swear jar".

Tonight it just got too much. My eldest, who is a sensitive soul, knows it is wrong and she is so terrified of doing anything wrong. She is a bit of a do-gooder Tonight, at bedtime, for some reason, she blurted out "get off my f&cking bed". DH shouted at her. She was mortified, ran downstairs to me breaking her heart crying, so upset with herself that she had said it and with the look of absolute fear in her eyes.

I felt as though I couldn't tell the poor girl off, she knew it was wrong - and I cannot blame her when she hears it daily from him. She was terrified of what would happen and so upset. I comforted her, calmed her down and took her to bed.

When I told my husband again that it had to stop, he says she needs to be told off that it's wrong. .

I'm at my absolute wits end. DH will not listen, walks out whenever I try to tell him that this is a real issue. I have just text him now to explain that I'm really concerned, he has blocked me on WhatsApp so he cannot receive my message. The fact my 6 and 4 yo have it as part of their vocabulary and that it is at the tip of their tongue so that it "slips out" fills me with fear about what is to come in future years.

Do I report this to school? Do I report it to the health visitor? What should I do? I've continually asked but it will not stop, it is engrained in him. It seems to have got worse in years gone by. I guess he has always sworn before we had kids, but its impact is of course heightened with children around (I guess I never really believed he would actually swear in front of kids - I'd never seen him do that with others' children!).

I have no idea what to do. Any advice gratefully received, and please be kind. I'm carrying a lot at the moment.

@CallMeCrazyButIDontLikeStoreBoughtPesto
LOL. Anywhere in public. The street, a restaurant, big Tesco, little Tesco. Surely you’ve heard people swear… in public? The mind does indeed boggle.

No, where I live people don't routinely swear in public. In pubs and clubs, yes. But I never hear swearing in my local Sainsburys or M&S, or even little Tesco.

That must be because where you live, they're not just people, they're m&s people.

Haha can you really imagine any of the royals being anything less than MORTIFIED if their children said I want some fucking tea? These people all certainly do care, because it’s really bad manners. I care that my kids learn not to swear (not a royal obviously)
op: he doesn’t listen to you, he’s BLOCKED you, I think our marriage would be over if my husband blocked me on his phone?!

Well that's in your opinion. For Irish people it really is not at all the same as saying 'fuck', it may be derived from it in the distant past but has evolved to have a different tone and meaning. Hiberno-english is quite a distinct thing and long may it and other variations continue. I can't imagine your disdain going down too well with your Irish friends and family so maybe keep it to yourself (for fecks sake 😜)

For Irish people it really is not at all the same as saying 'fuck', it may be derived from it in the distant past but has evolved to have a different tone and meaning.

I don’t think feck is derived from fuck, although it’s now often used as a much milder version of the latter in Ireland. But the etymology of the words is thought to be different.

That's why I said 'may'! I think the main point stands, that amongst Irish people generally, it is considered a very light not-quite swear word that is warm rather than nasty in its intentions.

Feck means to steal, which in turn comes from effect, which means to make happen.

surely everybody’s heard of feckless!

i don’t regard it as a swear word at all.

Oh right. It did sound as though you were using may in the sense of ‘even though’ rather than ‘possible’.
Absolutely agree about how feck is considered in Ireland.

Report to the school heath visitor then next thing you’ve got social on the phone. They are WORDS I don’t read anything about abuse neglect but he’s saying words. If you would report your own husband to xyz because of a few words then I’d suggest a divorce.