To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

[Threecactusplants]

After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.
I used to be very slim as a child, in my teens and early 20s.
Since having my son I have ended up at a size 20/22. I am consistently that size and have been since he was born 6 years ago.
I don’t know exactly how much I weigh , but it’s around 16 stone and I’m 5’7.
I’m pretty comfortable with my weight, I don’t really think about it much. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I dress for my size. Lots of cord pinafore dresses, tights and boots are my go to. Also wide leg trousers, midi dresses and skirts. I have good boobs and a (big) bum 😂 I have a c section pouch which I’m not keen on, but that’s what comes with a 9lb baby I guess! My DH and I have great sex (sorry if TMI!)

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

If I'm brutally honest I would think you either have health complications or are just uneducated about diet/exercise. Sorry, it feels bad typing that.

My mind is blown to hear that women who are slim but unhappy with themselves don’t notice the size of other people too?? How?? I am constantly looking at everyone’s bodies 😬 quite obviously I realise that’s a bad thing. So you slim women I guess are just going by how you feel within yourself rather than compared to others, as you’re not noticing others? Interesting. God every time I see someone I notice their body shape and compare myself. Yes it’s exhausting, yes it’s boring, yes it’s unhealthy!

Come to think of it I don’t actually notice how I feel. So, it’s probably healthier to notice how you feel and not compare yourself, than compare yourself and not notice how you feel. I need to go back to therapy I think 😅

I’m not sure assuming an overweight person is uneducated about diet/exercise is reasonable. I’d wager most fat people know all too well how to lose weight. It’s a bit more complicated for most.

Yes and no- yes not happy to have someone pinch half my seat. No- I genuinely do not look at someone bigger than me and think unkind thoughts. I have crap self esteem and generally look at other women and spot something about them that is better than me.

I do a job that involves seeing people's mobility and I do feel really sorry for people who when they reach 40s / 50s their quality of life decreases because of the pressure through joints. My dad had weight problems and trouble walking in his 50s which to me seems so young to have these restrictions. He ended up with a replacement. I also know a mum friend in my sen group who can't take her son out solo because she can't run after him (he's 6) and I feel sorry for her.

I think unwillingness to do anything about a serious health issue is basically ignorance.

I'm 5ft 9, when I'm 11.5 stone I'm a size 8 - I'm surprised this is seen as a top limit. Is this just for women? Or men too?

Fat is not some thing you do. You have absolutely no right to make a moral judgement on someone else's behaviour just by looking at them existing. If you drink, smoke, drive, use chemical cleaning products, feel stressed and do nothing about it, live in a city, or eat meat, you are ignoring things that you know about your own safety/ health but nobody makes a moral judgement about you based on that, because it doesn't change the way you LOOK from the outside. It's an ill-informed and unfair judgement you are making even if it is following the current crowd.

As someone with a scientific background I cannot stop but think of the implications of being overweight, and how these implications often become more significant as we age. I wouldn't judge you or anyone else for being overweight, and I get that the reasons can be complex, but I do think we all have a responsibility to try to be reasonably healthy. I say this as someone who has definitely been slimmer and more toned than I am, but who wouldn't be considered overweight.

I grew up in a family who were judgemental about weight, following a period of neglect and starvation with a different family member.

This combination of early starvation, followed by a fully stocked kitchen alongside judgment led to highly disordered eating and at times minor eating disorders... I have been every size from 6 to 20 in my adult life. I then married someone controlling and judgemental about weight. Then an extremely abusive relationship with someone who was very invested in how I look.

I judge. My first reaction is always to assess how 'attractive' and how slim someone is. Then, within seconds, I reframe, stop that shit and have words with myself. I wish I didn't, but I can't stop it. I judge myself more than anyone else though. Still, after all these years, I only ever eat with people I trust fully, unless I perceive myself as 'thin enough' (size 10 or below at 5.10) to avoid the judgement of people like my family or ExH (or myself, I guess...).

It's fucking shit. The whole bloody lot of it. If I had cash, I'd have therapy. Instead, I just keep trying to be a decent person rather than the wanker I actually am.

I disagree, ppl comment on my size regularly
You're pretty for a fat lass
Big bird
You'd be prettier if you lost weight
Your too fat for short hair
Fatttttyyyyyyyyy ( shouted from a vehicle)
Longer hair would look better
Fat twat/bitch/c*nt
Move you lump ( in the supermarket)
Are you so fat you can't walk ? ( I use a mobility scooter)
Who ate all the pies? ( Ordering a black coffee in a cafe)
A guy at the gym walked behind me making sound effects
( Not all the comments have been from men)

How was the poster making a moral judgement? 🤔

How are driving or living in a city the same health-wise as being obese?

It's not following the current crowd tbh, people were MUCH more judgemental about people being overweight in previous decades because it was unusual and less accepted.

I do not agree with the “all sizes look good” narrative. Being overweight and unhealthy shouldn’t be normalised in the younger generation.

She was making a judgement that somebody isn't 'willing to do something' - so both that they are behaving in a particular way and that they could behave differently but choose not to. She is disapproving about this = a moral jusdgement. Hth.

That's a really interesting take.

I am late 50s and decided to set my gray hair free a couple of years ago. I am pretty much invisible to men and women alike. It's very liberating.

The woman with an ED that I know never stops commenting on other people's shape and size, and fretting about her backside. She believes everyone is looking at her with the same critical eye that she uses on others.

So you slim women I guess are just going by how you feel within yourself rather than compared to others, as you’re not noticing others? Interesting. God every time I see someone I notice their body shape and compare myself.

I'm slim and constantly look at others and compare (negatively and positively). Some of these posts come across a bit "I don't see colour, I just see the person".

And driving and living in the city are different in that driving and residing are actions, where 'being' is a state, but they are related in that all of them are statistically more likely to result in your harm/ earlier life expectancy for reasons of safety and health. HT also H.

God yep, ‘you’ve got a pretty face (for a fat lass)’

Or, ‘bubbly’. Show me a time a thin woman has been described as bubbly….!

People don't care what other people look like, they literally aren't thinking about you

Yes, this is my feeling too. I am very aware of my own weight because I want my clothes to fit well etc but I dont care about others' weight.

As for the people scoffing saying we do all think about other people's weights, no, we dont lol. I might notice someone overweight in the same way I notice a car driving down the road or other general things going on around me as I go about my day but it doesn't go further than noticing it. Thats literally it. I really am that self absorbed in my own stuff that I dont dwell on what other people look like or think about it. I would only pay attention to it if someone specifically told me they were unhappy with their weight and started a conversation about it.

I am glad to hear that and genuinely can’t comprehend it - I guess that’s what happens when you’re aware of your weight from being tiny!

I'm about 13 stone and 5'7", size 14 at the most though and fit and muscular. I don't look big compared to most people in the UK. I think of myself as a strong solid person.

I do get that and I am sad that people are dwelling on it so much that its causing them distress.

I am extremely inward focused I suppose, but in general, I think people dont think about others as much as we think they do.

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

If you're in the UK, 63% of the population are overweight.

So why would they think anything particularly? 😳

I notice slim women a lot more, like seeing a tall willowy woman wearing gym leggings and think ‘I wish I had her very slender legs!’

Generally I think the averagely overweight person is a bit invisible in public really, like electric pylons. I’m not paying any attention.

I think if someone looks uncomfortably large it can grab my attention briefly, if I think anything it’s probably something along the lines of ‘There but for the grace of god go I.’

You're speaking in riddles to me. What the hell is HTH??

You can talk about actions vs 'being' all you want. Driving and living in a city are different to being overweight first and foremost because they have essentially no impact on your health or life expectancy.

Quick Google says UK adults have a 0.0023% chance of dying in a car accident.

Obesity will lower your life expectancy by an average of 3-10 years (NHS website).

Not comparable in the slightest.