To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

[Threecactusplants]

After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.
I used to be very slim as a child, in my teens and early 20s.
Since having my son I have ended up at a size 20/22. I am consistently that size and have been since he was born 6 years ago.
I don’t know exactly how much I weigh , but it’s around 16 stone and I’m 5’7.
I’m pretty comfortable with my weight, I don’t really think about it much. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I dress for my size. Lots of cord pinafore dresses, tights and boots are my go to. Also wide leg trousers, midi dresses and skirts. I have good boobs and a (big) bum 😂 I have a c section pouch which I’m not keen on, but that’s what comes with a 9lb baby I guess! My DH and I have great sex (sorry if TMI!)

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

I'm a slim woman who thinks about my weight a lot and posted on THAT thread to say that I think about it multiple times a day, and that that is not great and I need to work on that. However, I need to work on it because its superficial, silly and self absorbed and detracts from the important things in life.
The pertinent part to this thread is the self absorbed part, because it really is all about me. It's a preoccupation with self that frankly leaves little head space to think about other women's weight. Bluntly, I couldn't care less what you weigh, I am the centre of my thoughts on this subject.
I do notice other women's appearance but typically when I think they look lovely, which I often do. Their clothes, hair, faces, sometimes figures, but by no means is that the main thing I notice.
I'd also like to add that in the main other women are very nice to me. I've not experienced any of this apparant spite and jealousy. I get lots of compliments from women.

I notice all kinds of things about other people all the time- unusual looks, weight, pretty face, outfit that attracts my eye, something I would never wear, very tight clothing (squeezing into things does look worse, I think). It's mostly not judgemental though I do think 'I wouldn't want to look like that'. I don't dislike or hate people on weight though ever, all my friends are of different sizes, so are my colleagues and it just doesn't figure in how I value them. I do worry if one of them suddenly gets very thin through stress or overweight from illness and that's it.

I went to a girls school in the 1990s... It was full of thin girls moaning about how fat they were. I found it tedious then and I really have no time to entertain it from adult women.

I look at myself and other women a lot.

I am vain and slim and a gym goer. My health is very important to me and so when I see an obese person- and I do mean obese then I feel revulsion.

@BetterInColour You will know that people also love to boast about ''I have a BMI of 15 '' - it definitely isn't normal or healthy.

I'd have to weigh six stones to have a BMI of 15, and that definitely wouldn't be healthy or normal.

I lived with anorexics/bulimics as a teenager, {Hostel for young people} and it seemed very, very ''competitive'', almost like an addiction.

One of the girls I googled a couple of years ago, and am relieved to see that she is a successful woman now, and most importantly, alive.

There was a mother on here a day or so ago to say how she had lost her Daughter to anorexia.

It looks an awful condition to suffer from.

When I see people your size, I mostly sympathise - it's really hard maintaining a healthy weight and I've been many sizes.
I think when I see people who are so huge they can barely move (where the arms kind of sit on top of everything like flippers), I do wonder wtf happened.

Yes, we all notice in the most basic sense, but not everybody adds judgement to that noticing. Of course we can all see what somebody looks like including their weight, but I can’t imagine, say, looking at someone and thinking “ugh, about a size 18, how unhealthy and unattractive”. I just notice the person and whether they look particularly nice that day. I think that’s what people are meaning.

this. I'm someone who doesn't really think much about their weight or the food I eat, it was interesting, but also a bit depressing to see how much time and effort other people spend on it. Because of that I'm reluctant to assure OP that nobody cares about her weight - chances are that if there are that many people assessing their weight that compulsively then of course some (not all) of them will be comparing their weight against other people's. If you are that concerned about your own weight then on some level you clearly do think (consciously or unconsciously) that thin = good and fat = bad so how could you not judge others who are bigger/smaller than you? I'm not saying they then make the further correlation into any other attributes such as fat = lazy/greedy etc., but I think anyone saying "I think about my weight often but never about other people's" are being disingenuous.

People saying they don't notice weight at all are fibbing a bit - of course everyone will notice it, in the same way you notice height, race, hair colour etc. Realistically if you spent ten minutes talking to someone and then a third person asked you 'Were they black or white?' or 'Were they thin or fat?' and you replied 'I didn't even notice!' it would be a cause for concern about your vision or memory!

I do think that, even if they notice it, the vast majority of people don't really care about how everyone else looks though. As posters have said, there could be factors that would flag stronger views - someone struggling to do something could (fairly on unfairly) bet attributed to their weight, what they are eating, if they make comments about their own weight, or if they are extremely obese - but for the average overweight person just going about their day, the majority of people wouldn't think anything particular.

In video games there's a concept of NPCS (non-playable characters) who are generic characters in the background or with whom you might have a short but insignificant interaction. My belief is that most people are perceived as NPCs, with the exception of both ends of the spectrum.

As a woman, it makes zero difference if you're slightly overweight or fairly overweight. The vast majority of strangers see you as an NPC. An average person you meet in everyday life. They will not judge you more negatively because you are a size 20 rather than a size 16.

Women with EDs or weight obsessions will obviously notice other people's weight far more acutely. However this might not count as average perception since everyone has selective attention for certain things. Men especially only really notice the extremely young and slim end of the spectrum...think size 6, 20-something year olds. If that's not you, then there's no real point in splitting hairs about how a certain size might be perceived relative to another size, if all of these sizes are in the average or overweight category.

I tend to notice people who are the same size as me but only in a way of looking at how they dress their bodies because I don’t yet think I’ve found my new style as a bigger woman since having two kids.

I didn’t read the thread but when people around me are talking about dieting and losing weight when they’re a lot smaller than me I do wonder what they think of me!

I am overweight and would in an ideal world be a few clothes sizes smaller but I’m trying to focus on fitness and health at the moment rather than the number on the scales so I can’t say I think of my weight that often,

@TorroFerney

As I said earlier I was a very skinny child. My DH is slim and active and our DS is very slim build, he had a tiny waist so I struggle with trousers for him , he’s also tall for his age so that doesn’t help with leg length.So not every fat parent, has a fat child.

He has*

@oakleaffy that's so sad, I have never felt so stressed in my life watching my happy healthy beautiful child start disappearing and risking her own life- for what? Something that wasn't desirable or necessary. Eating disorder culture is insidious, even on Mumsnet, and that's why I have to speak up when people are normalizing being underweight as low as those BMIs.

I was on that thread and I have body image issues, seeing myself as fat. That’s not how I see others though. My normal thoughts are things like how nice someone’s outfit is or something and how I wish I could (feel able to) dress in nice clothes too.

My brutally honest answer is I am always looking at women's bodies, clothes, hair, and my thoughts are usually comparing them to myself, whether I wish I had that particular feature, or whether by comparison I am grateful for my own.

My honest answer is that I find well-dressed heavier women very attractive. So I'd probably notice you and think you looked lovely. I find a big bust, big bum and nice clothes very comforting and pleasant to look at. Maybe because it seems cuddly or something?

I'm about a size 14. All I think about wrt my body is that my knees hurt a lot. I don't care about my weight at all or what people think about what I look like. I think it's a genetic thing - it's completely in-built and not a learned behaviour at all.

To add - one thing I didn't realise about myself until recently is I have a slight phobia of being thin, I think because I had a serious throat infection as a young teen and lost so much weight it hurt. So if I get to a certain weight it makes me feel very uncomfortable and I much prefer to have some fat to lose just in case I get ill. I think this is also a rather odd mindset - I've not heard of anyone else having it so far (but would be interested to hear if others do)

My superpower is that I have never cared what others think of me! I've done a thorough health check recently and the result where good! VOILA!

I can't remember a single person I passed in the street or had small interactions with yesterday. Statistics would suggest some of those people were obese, I didn't notice.

Your first sentence 👍

Would you mind directing me to the other thread please?

I think your friend sounds amazing and definitely in the minority. If I had cystic fibrosis I would be unhappy.

I care about my own weight now it's impacting my activity levels and therefore health. I'm not on the pull (married plus asexual anyway), and it doesn't feel relevant.

I care so little about other people that I have missed a friend losing six stone (admittedly from 24 stone, but still). It's not part of the interesting things about them. I'd consider it in a partner because of long term health implications, or my child because I'm responsible for their health. That's it. Someone else's size doesn't affect me.

But at a size 20ish I have had random men telling me I should lose weight so I'm more attractive to them. It literally makes me want to eat more!

She must be doing it wrong then.

I do similar when I meet new women socially. I'll always have a quick glance and appraise whether I like her outfit, has she got nicer hair, how old is she compared to me etc.

I don't hone in specifically on weight but I would register it as a notable part of their appearance.