To go off sick the rest of the year and then resign?

[sometimesiwantto]

I am having a hard time and feel like I’m being totally screwed over by everyone but the worst thing is I know it isn’t deliberate, it’s just sort of how things have worked out.

I have two children, one preschool and one toddler. They are lovely children but obviously since they are so young they are very demanding and I don’t get a break with them.

I work three days a week. On the three days I’m in work I take them to nursery and pick them up. I then have the evening ‘shift’ after nursery because DH just doesn’t get back until after 7, and they are usually in bed or close to it by that time. He also leaves in the morning before nursery opens so can’t take them. This is because of the distance. Our jobs are demanding and mine isn’t any less so because I’m part time. On Fridays DH works from home but there isn’t a dramatic difference in my stress levels to be honest.

We are arguing, stressed, think both thing the other has it worse. There are DIY things that need doing around the house DH complains he has no time to sort, likewise I complain I have no time to do any housework.

I keep feelings as if things have to change and I just don’t know what to do. Leaving work seems very short sighted but I don’t know how we’ll survive otherwise to be honest

But you clearly are not 'enjoying them'.....
Get trades in to sort the DIY stuff
Accept bare minimum of cleaning

YOu haven't described what happens on weekend or when you get home on the day DH is WFH

I might be able to help as I'm going through something similar ISH. and have been working on this very thing. My advice to to make life as easy as possible to create time in the day.
Things I have done that have made a difference is:
done a 4 week food rota on excel with dinners, lunches and shopping lists. My DH orders it every week from the list and i now don't have to think about food at all. It's just there with a recipe.
Use a slow cooker, whack everything in first thing and forget about It.
Hire a cleaner if you can afford it. mine comes once every two weeks and does a big clean. I then keep on top of this using the organised mum method around this. Includes 1 load of laundry a day etc..delegate tasks to you DH as his tasks. Mine just wipes down the bathroom daily,.does the bins, feeds cats etc.
Organise the night before, get all clothes out, shoes, breakfast items etc..

Once you get into the swing of it, time becomes available. I went to soft play with my little one today instead of trying to clean the house and get the shopping in. Now he is knackered, napping and I am on the sofa on Mumsnet.

Hope this helps !!

Ahhhh yes you're a single parent so everyone else's struggles are irrelevant!!!!!! Ofc!!!!!!

It really sounds as if your DCs need at least one and possibly two extra days per week at nursery. That gives a childfree day (or two) each week for you to rest and recover (at first) and then for housework. And some time when you're not working and don't have a needy child glued to you.

I want to enjoy them and enjoy the time we have together. A big source of stress is both of them together

But you're not enjoying them. You're tired, stressed and miserable. You can put them in nursery for an extra day or two now, and then reduce again when DC1 starts school. Or when you feel more on top of things.

You might need to reconsider the nursery location. How are you going to get one DC to school and the other to nursery? It may not be such a bad idea to move to a nursery that's more local, either now or next year.

things like moving house and changing childcare isn’t like changing your toothpaste or washing powder, they are big decisions.

They are but so is giving up work.

Don't try to make everything ideal. Instead it just needs to be a bit less shit than it is.

TBF this is so true.

You're only thinking of yourself, which is fair enough but in the circumstances if you are a teacher then you really do need to take into consideration the needs of 30+ children that you teach.

I remember my DC having supply teachers that didn't even know anything about the subjects they were covering for In one subject the HT couldn't even find a supply teacher to cover a subject for my DC's GCSE year, I did feel strongly that this wasn't fair on any of the DC and went as far as giving my DC a choice to drop out of taking that particular GCSE, which they chose to do so.

This. Over and over, this.

It really doesn’t matter.

OP is on the verge of a burnout. Whether it’s home life or work life, something needs to give. Having a week or two off to be able to reassess - and that can be tackling her home life stress or making the ultimate decision that she needs to leave, does benefit everyone.

Have you ever worked with someone who’s burnt out? They need support and consideration, not snarky comments about only ‘working 3 days’. Do you really want your kids to be taught by a teacher that is so stressed she’s getting tearful or would you rather than teacher have a couple of weeks to get her life in order and come back refreshed and reenergised?

The analogy of putting your own oxygen mask on first is relevant here. Do you really think that having an over stressed, overwhelmed and highly anxious teacher is best for children? Sometimes people, even teachers, need to take time off for their own wellbeing. Similar to NHS workers, fitness to practice is an important consideration too. The OP, or any individual, is not to responsible for the systemic failures that are often to blame for staff sickness / burn out - including your DC having crappy supply teachers.

I despair at some of the responses on this thread.

Can someone swap days so DP takes them to nursery on his day off?

You’re not sick though. Resign if you don’t want to work.

I think you're being a hard time here. Life can be very hard. Teaching must be one of the most stressful jobs there are.

Maybe go and see your GP.

Are you a teacher?

Life with little kids is tough especially when you are both working. I don't know that resigning would help you surely this would just add financial pressure to your existing stress? Maybe self.certify for a week just for some breathing space.
If you have money in your budget outsource where possible eg cleaner, gardener etc. If it's not essential don't do it. I used to spend forever ironing everything now I do school uniform only. My home made me stressed in a constant state of DIY projects now I just employ tradespeople yes it might cost more but it stops my house dragging my mood down

You’re finding it hard because it IS hard. You’ve all the stress of having a job and all the stress of tiny kids. And a marriage under strain. This is all understandable. I’m sorry. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just bloody hard to do it every day.

Can you negotiate a shorter notice by explaining quite truthfully that the situation as it is could soon make you unwell and then you’d have to go off sick? If it’s one or the other they might be more amenable?

It just sounds like you don’t want to work but neither do you want to deal with all the really hard bits about being a parent. What do you do in the evenings when your children are in bed or at the weekend when your DH is around? Having a family is a constant juggling act I’m afraid and not one you can dip in and out of. You have to accept your lot from the choices you have made so far OR make choices to change your current situation

Stress and poor mental health is sickness.

Your husband does nothing and you sound close to a nervous breakdown doing it all.
He also shuts you down by becoming indignant.
That is abusive behaviour.
He is a selfish lazy man.
Go to the doctor and get signed off asap.
Talk to family and friends because you have a shit husband who is clearly a shit father too.

Take action before your health collapses.

We must have been reading different things, cos that's not what the OP said at all.

It’s a sign of your stress that you can’t see a way to move forward with any of the suggestions that posters are making.

It doesn’t matter which of the many suggestions you take up, you need to do something, even if it doesn’t solve everything that you are grappling with. Try to take some small steps in the right direction. As people have said, it makes no sense to say you want to give up work but that all of the other things they’ve suggested are too big to contemplate.

Has your work got an Employee Assistance scheme? This sometimes offers short-term counselling/a limited number of sessions. No-one holds it against you if you use the scheme. This could provide you with someone who could help you appraise your various options rather than you having non-productive conversations with DH or getting stuck feeling that you simply can’t make any changes.

This is just life with young kids. It doesn't last forever

Depends what the actual issue is. Is is a work issue, dh issue or organisation issue. When my children were little I wouldn’t have wanted to work days time hours because they were always ill. Also had a dh that didn’t help. However once they were both at school it got easier. I worked more. The one thing I would say is be mindful of quitting your job if your marriage is bad you may need the financial independence. If dh won’t help and won’t make changes there is your problem.

Can you take a holiday? Sometimes things just do get too much and a break is sometimes all you need.

I was you but working full time shifts and we only had one child. We were both exhausted. We completely changed our childcare by employing a nanny. Honestly, it’s a game changer. No more having to get them up and out to nursery, no more having to sort out meals for them in the evening, bathing them or sorting out their laundry. It was more expensive but oh so worth it.

You sound as if you are at the end of your tether. We all have different energy levels and breaking points, we all have different challenges and battles. You know yourself and only you know how long you can go on.
It will take some effort now before you see a beneficial change but it might be worth it as it will set principles for the future.
I would suggest that you sit down with your partner and tell him calmly that you are concerned about your mental health and energy and acknowledge that he might feel the same.
Work out what you would like life to look like, what would need to change and what of all the things would make the most difference so start with that. Discuss with partner as you need to tackle it all together.
Create routines which minimise work and potential crisis points. Start routines with your children as well.
The routines should not just involve you, you are a pair and both need to pitch in.
If you give up work you will be even more the person that everything devolves onto.
Speak to GP, get anything physical that might be dragging you down ruled out.
Do you have family support nearby?

If you can afford to give up work you can afford a cleaner and a handyman....your kids will grow and it will be less stressful once they are in school full time.