What’s the fair way to pay for this?

[huserrr]

Dd is starting at a private school next September. Fees are 30k a year including VAT.

ex pays me 890 in child maintenance (this is the minimum he is obligated to pay). He does often buy extras for DD but she never stays over with him as he is pretty much working all the time.

my career has suffered as a single parent. Ex is on around 100k and I am on 60k. Unlikely I will earn more now as my career has been affected massively by doing everything for dd on my own.

when it comes to paying school fees what’s fair? I suspect ex may suggest we split the fees and he reduces child maintenance as well. I am interested in thoughts before I have the conversation with him. For context he is usually reasonable about things in the end.

Fair is whatever you agree. Are you divorced? What was agreed at the time with regards to school fees?

Who suggested private school? I presume him given the fees are half of your income?

Don't send DD to private school if you can't afford it..simples.

We both agree on sending here there.

Can you pay 15k in fees on 60k?

If the decision for private school is joint then you should split the fees. Don't see why he would cut maintenance. What about trips / uniforms etc?

Do you both actively want her to go to this school and accept these fees? If so then starting point 50/50, but if he’s paying towards school fees then he could class that as his child maintenance so you’d lose that.

If he doesn’t want to pay towards the school fees they you can’t force him so it would just be using his CMS payments towards them if needed.

@boulevardofbrokendreamss yes I could pay half but part of me feels I shouldn’t have to given my career has been so affected by his minimal parenting

Split it by percentage based on your wages, without taking the current child maintenance into account.

@SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament i wondered this, so 12k for me and 18k for him. I don’t think he would agree though on top of maintenance

Never spend more as a single parent than you can afford on your own, maintenance can stop at any time for any reason (including his death).

I wouldn't honestly do it - you're relying on goodwill between you both to pay for this - let alone activities / holidays / sports kit / uniform. Sounds unaffordable, even on your joint income.

I’d have discussed this before committing her to going. He only needs to pay CMS, even if he wants her to go private, so you need to plan for the possibility he changes his mind at any point. Are you hoping he’ll pay all of it?

I would start with proportionate to your combined net salaries.

Child maintenance should be set aside for calculations as your daughter still needs food and a home and that’s what the maintenance pays for.

I have savings which he doesn’t know about so I am comfortable with the plan but feel he should pay more despite the maintenance

As you can't afford to send her on your own, I don't think you should send her at all.

This would be my starting point too but, even then, I wouldn't want to take it on with an income of £60k especially as I imagine you are likely to be responsible for all the extras too.

I feel annoyed I have been effectively stuck on this income by virtue of his minimal parenting. So that’s why I feel annoyed regarding the split of fees if he refuses to pay more than half

@coffeesaveslives i see where you’re coming from but she has two parents

I agree, I think you will struggle
Also if things turn nasty are you prepared for your DD to have to change schools? Even in an exam year?

You're not stuck there. You're resting there while your child is small, when she goes to senior school you can start again.

Yes but he could switch jobs or end up in a coma and I expect he won't be giving you the life insurance if he dies

@Hoppinggreen i don’t think ex would refuse to pay his half even if we fell out. He’s very keen on the school and doesn’t struggle for money. I know you can’t always foresee what someone would do but he’s much older now and unlikely to have more kids. It’s not a huge concern to me

@Rightiojames sure but even so im on the back foot while he has progressed

Really I think fees should be 50/50. You are making the decision based on the facts now not grudges from the past. You both want to send her so you should both pay half.

It sounds like you resent your child not your ex.