Worried about our house and socialising

[kva]

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling a bit anxious about how our home might impact both our daughter’s and our own social life as she starts reception next year. I'd love to host playdates and invite people over, but I’m embarrassed about the state of our house – it’s in serious need of some TLC. The conservatory is falling apart and needs a good clean, the kitchen is outdated, the garden is overgrown, and a few doors don’t close properly or are broken. It just doesn’t feel like a space we’d be comfortable hosting in right now.

We recently decided to put our savings this year into overpaying the mortgage, so there isn’t much left for home improvements. Unfortunately, we can’t tackle big DIY projects either, as we both work full-time and don’t have family nearby to help out.

I’m really worried that not being able to host could affect our ability to build friendships, both for our daughter and for us. We don’t want her to miss out on forming those early connections with her new classmates, and we’d love to socialize more with other parents too – it just feels challenging with the house as it is.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I’d love advice on how to make our home more inviting on a budget, or ideas on encouraging socializing outside the home. Any reassurance or tips would be so appreciated!

P.S. We live in an area where it seems like most families buy homes for over £1m (ours is much less) and borrow to do major renovations before hosting. Inviting people over to our place, as it is, feels a bit intimidating!

Thank you so much in advance!

You live once.
Make sure your home is comfortable and nice if you can afford mortgage repayments.

After this overpay.

You've done this and are still asking such questions! I did reply and said it is a ridiculous question. You buy what is there on the market, you don't get to choose from several houses on one street, it's unrealistic. And the property is not actually that bad, it's just not an insta dream home

Sorry to hear! It does sound a bit like that then.

Thank you everyone for your ideas and advice on how to improve the house bits on the budget! Really appreciate it 😌

What you’re not answering though is that there’s a middle ground between a full “insta glam” reno and living with doors that stick and a manky conservatory roof. I also agree I wouldn’t be borrowing extra money but to me keeping the garden in a devent state, keeping the doors working and the conservatory clean would be considered basic maintenance, and I’d do that over overpaying.

I’d also have it decorated nicely and probably decent carpets. I do still think it’s a bit odd that you’re not prepared to do these basics- I just couldn’t live with these niggles and in a worst case scenario it could lead to your asset (house) depreciating (the garden will become unmanageable, you won’t be able to “create” a nice garden if you do want to sell, the doors will eventually break and the conservatory seals could be damaged and start leaking).

Just what I was thinking..,,

So... I think you have to spend on maintenance. Clearing gutters (avoid penetrating damp), mowing grass (so ypu don't need to relay turf) repairing skirting (drafts), repainting windows (avoid rot), replacing bathroom mastic (avoid water splashes rotting flooring), getting slipped slates replaced (avoid rot in roof). It's really costly not to, more than the compound mortgage interest.
Making it pretty? Well, if it upsets you that you're house isnt "nice enough", then you can choose to spend on mortgage interest or on home improvement, just like you choose between any expenditure and the mortgage.

Hi again op, I never said that your house is filthy I was talking about one house that stood out to me after years of play dates.

to be honest I’m not sure what you’re looking for from this thread as you just seem to be bothered about your spreadsheets and letting us all know that your house is perfectly fine but “just” has an unclean conservatory roof and an overgrown garden ( and the kitchen sorry ) so why would that be an issue?

i still don’t get the overpaying on mortgage to help the kids out when you live in a house that needs things doing. You’re clearly not as happy in it as you say or it wouldn’t bother you. I prefer to live in a house that is far from Insta glam but is modern, clean, tidy and I am proud to invite people to. I’m also crap with money so what do I know?!

We still have some disposable income for extra-curriculars, days out, holidays etc, just not enough for big house projects!

Doesn't sound like that's the OP's situation if their overpayments prevent them from even adjusting doors, I assume it's strangling them more than it is you if it's being brought up in her opening post.

I remember seeing Kirsty Allsopp on one of her tv programmes advise have a annual fund for ongoing maintenance of at least 1% house value. Maybe adopt that approach op, so you can start to tackle the jobs. If you wait until you pay off the mortgage the property may not be worth it. Through dc schooling we went to houses that were works in progress over an extended period.

This. You’re overthinking

I wouldn’t judge a parent whose house was in a bad way as long as it was clean and safe and the parents came across as friendly

We have a Reno project house. Wall outside falling in, roof on barn is in bad shape. Wall down in the house and exposed stone. But it’s obvious it’s a reno. The rooms already done are pristine.
Weve yet to do the kitchen but couldn’t stand to see it in a state so we have painted the cupboards and wrapped the work top. The wrap was £7 a roll in b and q and the paint £30.

i make sure the house is show home like, windows cleaned etc.

You say you don't have time to do the garden or clean the conservatory, because you work full time,in front of a lap top. You have a cleaner,go out every weekend to parks, because you can't bear being at home, and you don't want a pretty little castle. How long have you been in the property? We have always bought doer uppers,it's the only way we could ever afford to buy,apart from double glazing and driveways we did all the work ourselves. About 6 years ago I got a quote to clean the outside of our conservatory it was £1.300 I was gobsmacked,we bought a pressure washer, already had ladders. Of course you need to do basic maintenance, building societies insist on it it will be in the conditions, because until you pay off the mortgage,it actually belongs to them..

I do judge houses with overgrown gardens, it makes the area look awful, miss a trip to the park and tidy it up, a power washer is less than £100. Take pride in the house you're overpaying to own, very very odd attitude towards your home.

SnoopysHoose, I agree, different if you have serious health issues or impairment,we had a hell of a job to sell our last house,it was a semi, the other side weeds a foot tall in the gutters alone, other side, garden full of rubbish. These were professional people, one was a manager for a big pharma company, the other a private clinical psychologist.

The post already says what I am looking for - the tips on how to improve these bits on a low budget (as it's clearly not the top priority for us and only needed not to feel judged when we invite my daughter's school friends).

I get that you don't get the mortgage overpayment - to each their own I guess

Why are you even sticking your nose into my financial situation? We do 3 x holidays a year and also work remotely in Europe form time to time. We prioritise education for our daughter - she has 3 x extra classes a week in addition to her childcare.

We just have a lower priority for fixing these things for the house. Don't judge what people earn by their houses or how they look.

For the record, our garden is nothing like that (we mow the lawn a few times a year, clean it before spring, etc). However some of our neighbors gardens on the street do have rubbish, etc.

It would never cross my mind to judge them - I would just assume they would like to go out on weekends, rather then use their garden or simply don't have time/energy to sort it out. Why is that even your business to care about your neighbors properties??? Is the life really that boring that there is nothing else to worry about?

We don't use the garden/house on weekends that much not because we don't like being there - it's simply because we are very outgoing and usually attend 3-5 events each weekend. But don't feel you need to tell me to drop this and live my life like YOU want.

But you're now worried your social life, or the social life of your child, risks being negatively impacted by your house and garden, so why not make a few minor social sacrifices by skipping things for a couple of weekends and do some easily achievable, inexpensive cleaning and redecorating.

Our house is partway through a long-running renovation we've had to pause to scrape together cash for the next stage, but it also has to be habitable, at least in parts, and not be such that we're reluctant to host friends here.

It's perfectly possible you also go out this much at weekends because the house is currently a depressing and uninviting environment. I know we went out more when our house was barely inhabitable and not in a state to have people around on, though one year we did host a big Christmas dinner where we just told everyone to dress very warmly because the house had no back. It's perfectly possible to have a diverse social life that in part happens in your own home, even when that home is far from ideal.

Tbh I've no idea why OP has posted, endless advice and she's sticking to her 'we don't use the garden' so it's ok to be a tip.
If you're concerned to the point you realise your house is scruffy, then do something about it. overpaying a mortgage, endless activities but not looking after the house that you're obsessed with owning is very odd.
Keeping the house in a good maintained condition helps increase/hold value, it's your biggest asset; take care of it.

Is my life boring hell no, 4 DKs, plus grandkids I baby sit for while parents work,up to 5 nights a week nursing big garden, animals,grass is cut every 3 days unless it's raining. Why am I invested in the neighbours, because of the countless viewers who came round and said that they loved our pretty neat cottage, and sorry didn't want to live there because of the neighbours properties. Bindweed, nettles, brambles don't happily sit in one garden, they encroach, they ruin nearby gardens, vegetable plots, eventually the brambles smash through the fence.

God you sound judgey, “little castle”, “poking nose into finances”, “is your life that boring…”.

You’ve had some good advice here already (basically pull your finger out and do some basic DIY), as well as people quite politely asking whether you’ve got your priorities straight, given that you yourself appear to admit that you’re ashamed of where you live and, in your own words your house is in “desperate need” of TLC.

Is there any need for the snide comments just because people aren’t agreeing with you that a perfect excel spreadsheet is better than a childhood where kids can have friends over? Maybe you need to take a step back and really think about why you are so defensive (Google “inverse snobbery” for a start).

As for people "sticking their nose in your finances", you made it sound as though your mortgage is huge,you have no money for tradesmen, people came on to post to help you out with inexpensive ways to make the house nicer nearer so you could have your daughter's friends round. Well, there is obviously plenty of surplus cash,you can take them out for meals, and you won't have to worry about them seeing your dated property.

Yes,all of this

And that's why I posted here - to find the quick and efficient tips on the house reno (not the financial advising or judgment on my lifestyle and priorities!). I actually thanked many members for their tips!

Re going out because we don't like our house - absolutely not. This is a bit naive to say so. People who really need a precious castle pour their money and energy into it, it's clear that we are not like that. We were like this even when we rented out a fully renovated property in the past.