Worried about our house and socialising

[kva]

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling a bit anxious about how our home might impact both our daughter’s and our own social life as she starts reception next year. I'd love to host playdates and invite people over, but I’m embarrassed about the state of our house – it’s in serious need of some TLC. The conservatory is falling apart and needs a good clean, the kitchen is outdated, the garden is overgrown, and a few doors don’t close properly or are broken. It just doesn’t feel like a space we’d be comfortable hosting in right now.

We recently decided to put our savings this year into overpaying the mortgage, so there isn’t much left for home improvements. Unfortunately, we can’t tackle big DIY projects either, as we both work full-time and don’t have family nearby to help out.

I’m really worried that not being able to host could affect our ability to build friendships, both for our daughter and for us. We don’t want her to miss out on forming those early connections with her new classmates, and we’d love to socialize more with other parents too – it just feels challenging with the house as it is.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I’d love advice on how to make our home more inviting on a budget, or ideas on encouraging socializing outside the home. Any reassurance or tips would be so appreciated!

P.S. We live in an area where it seems like most families buy homes for over £1m (ours is much less) and borrow to do major renovations before hosting. Inviting people over to our place, as it is, feels a bit intimidating!

Thank you so much in advance!

I think playdates might not happen that much anyway or maybe that's just us? But I find everyone is so busy with work, weekend classes or birthday parties that we rarely have a playdate and in the summer we usually meet up at the park anyway. I have one mum friend whose house I have never been to despite us hosting several playdates - assume she is embarrassed by the state of it or has some other reason not to hostand it doesn't bother me. I don't think it will impact friendships

To answer this - we are prioritising paying off our mortgage over home improvements so that by the time the DC are mid-teens we should be mortgage-free. We will then have more money to help them out with university and/or anything else in life. The cost of living is only going to get higher and higher.

We still have some disposable income for extra-curriculars, days out, holidays etc, just not enough for big house projects!

I think you shouldn’t over think it, just have people over. Prop the doors that don’t close properly open with a door stop, your guests will never know they don’t close. Dated kitchens look fine if they are clean and not cluttered. Make sure the table and sideboards are clear of additional clutter and it makes a real difference. Start trimming back the overgrown garden a little bit each weekend. It’s also fine to say to your guests that the house is a project or a work in progress, just don’t overly apologise for it. Be confident and proud of your home even if it’s now hop you want it to be.

Maybe consider stopping the overpayment for a few months to build up some savings to start some renovations. I understand why you’d opt for overpayments but it’s got to balanced against your ability to live life now. By overpaying you may be mortgage free sooner but may have missed the opportunity for your DD to have friends round, host dinner parties and build new friendships etc.

It’s surprising how many people’s houses aren’t like new builds.

but the first thing you will hear about other peoples houses are - is when they are dirty -

clean houses, clean furniture and clean crockery is a must.

Just keep your house clean and be proud of what you own - because one day you may do it up, although most people after 18 months never do it up til they sell

It's not a matter of opinion. The full reno that would make a sparkling insta house will not bring a house value high enough to justify the cost. Long gone days when anyone could buy a property, refurbish, sell and make some profits on it. Nowadays people do it just for themselves.

I already replied earlier that we don't really use conservatory or the garden, so we are fairly comfortable living in the house.

From my side, I don't understand how not to strive to overpay a mortgage. A simple spreadsheet showing how much you would be paying to the bank if you don't overpay may change your opinion?

Nope. As I posted earlier we are actually fine and comfortable living in the house as it is. (As we don't really use the conservatory and the garden).

I am sorry but this is ridiculous. You don't choose from several houses on a street - you buy a suitable one that is on the market.

Really love the idea, thank you.

I cleaned my conservatory. Get some hg window cleaner. A long extending pole and if you have a hose even better. If not do it before rain is due.

Clearing up a garden doesn't need much other than a bit of hard graft either.

People like warm, clean welcoming homes. Bake a nice cake, organise some craft for the kids etc and don't be fooled into thinking you need a fancy house for people to like you.

I get it. People do prefer spending money on a reno instead of making a simple spreadsheet to see how much you'll pay to the bank if you don't overpay in all these years. Who cares, eh?

And our house is not filthy - the conservatory is totally run down, but we don't use it.

OP, I think you're the judgmental one here

Thank you! Yes!
Don't get all the comments about filthy home, we actually have a cleaner every couple of weeks (as absolutely no energy to clean ourselves)

A previous poster asked you why you didn’t buy a fully renovated house in your area as you said there is no price difference, why did you pay the same for a run down house that needs a full renovation and maintenance? Sounds like you have made a bad financial decision and your house sounds a false economy, do you really think your house in the state it is in is the same value as a fully renovated well maintained house in your road?

You would not visit a house with a dirty conservatory roof and an overgrown garden? Good luck to you in life, you sound like an awfully nice and non- judjmental person!

Do you think it's all because the house reno? Do other people invite each other home? As some posters say in some areas they mostly prefer an outside play, a park etc

I totally get this and this is our approach too. I don't get how people do not prioritise mortgage overpayment, savings, etc with the current economy. Esp when some need to borrow extra to renovate their home to give it some glam.

DS never had a play date as his sister has destroyed the house and I work PT. He's always had masses of friends and invites. Most parents don't do it on a tit for tat basis.

One of the happiest houses I took my kids to when they were young was a messy rental that was full of toys, balloons and food and mess and the kids had a great time and nobody judged because the kids had a great time. Kids don't enjoy themselves as much if a house is like a museum. Get the living room and one toilet together and the rest is out of bounds.

Also you can always meet up at soft play and say you're having renovations done. Kids don't care and parents are happy if their kids come home happy and tired.

This is so hilarious to read as I realise how much people don't know about property. Please get 2-3 builders quotes on the current full reno costs then have a look at the houses value on your street. You'll be surprised.

We cleaned our conservatory with a Karcher jet wash and one of those soft brush attachments for car cleaning. You do need to be careful around the seals and joints, don't over-blast it, but it worked fantastically well. Then we washed the inside down with a solution of Flash and wiped all the mildew off with a mildew remover spray. It looked brand new afterwards.

I’ve probably bought, renovated and sold more houses than you have had hot dinners, DH is a builder thanks very much and I work in a joinery so I now a fair bit about property. You still haven’t answered the question though, why did you buy such a run down property when the fully renovated ones cost the same?

Cut your grass, frenchic paint the kitchen, paint it all nice and white. Keep it clean.

One of my friends lives in a beautil big house that they fully renovated when they moved in. I live in a tiny house with a half renovated kitchen, some rooms don’t have doors, and some rooms don’t have carpet (long story why we have stopped for the time being). I still invite her round, my house is clean and tidy and warm, I’m not embarrassed and she doesn’t recoil in horror on the doorstep and refuse to come round.

honestly, people won’t care

I don’t know, my daughter gets invited to parties, but just not houses, and she tells me other girls have gone to other houses for sleepovers and play dates… it’s bizarre, we really don’t judge the state of houses but do judge hospitality not being reciprocated, even if it means just my daughter goes that’s fine, it’s her I feel for.