DH complaining about look after kids

[Mellowblue]

DH complaining about looking after kids.

I am a SAHM with 3 children in primary school. I have recently joined a few evening classes / clubs for the sake of my sanity and to keep my brain from turning into mush.
I am out two nights a week: 6 till 8 one night and 6 till 9 another night.

DH has become very resentful about me being away from home for these two nights because he needs to spend the evenings looking after the children.

Although, I can see his point, he still has 3 days a week when I am home and I don’t think 2 evenings for myself is a particularly big imposition on him. I am taking these courses with friends , so it’s not possible to them during the day.

The comparison is the following:

• work hard, get rest.

And to answer your question, I do hope that when you work extra hours for a project, your boss let you have time off when you want. I would advise that you quit and find another boss. Someone that value a human being better otherwise 🤷🏼‍♀️👌🏼

This comment is nuts. How is he pathetic? Assuming he is working full time Monday- Friday, then coming home 2 evenings a week and being left on his own with 3 kids to get to bed and then doing 80% of the chires at the weekend. While the OP has 30 hours a week of downtime?

🙄

It's quite clear that you don't understand that importance and difficulty level is not the same thing.

Raising your children is more important than running a huge company that employs thousands of employees, complies with many laws and pays tax into the economy to you, to the rest of society, not so much. But it being more important (in your eyes) does not make it more difficult.

They are not the same thing and if you thing raising children is harder than running an international company, quite frankly, you are being ridiculous.

And still value one and not the other because of money.

…shall I point out that to make that man right…you guys had to make him CEO? So…if in real life he is a bus driver…does he still get to say to his wife to not go two evenings?? Or is it that because he brings less money, he has to do the two evenings??

Where is your line? I bet you it is about £100K? Sorry… I meant really difficult.

'More seriously. Mums raise their bubs so they can have great lives. CEO hire someone for a job and an amount of time in exchange of pay. If you can’t see the difference well 🤷🏼‍♀️'

Do you seriously think that all a CEO does is hire someone to do a job and that this is less taxing and stressful than being a SAHM to school aged children without disabilities?
Why do you assume that it is only mums, particularly SAHMs, who raise their children and that they all have great lives, having been brilliantly parented? What about the dads? Surely most of them have plenty of involvement too. What about the mums who aren't great parents?

I think that doing things round the kids is pretty much the definition of being a SAHM ... otherwise you are just a person who doesn't work.

I also think that a family dynamic where one person earns money and the other does the childcare/housework is a pretty good example of reciprocity.
Picking up extra "work" so the another person can have fun, is not.

Nobody has to make him CEO for him to be right. And this isn't just about him. The assertion that raising children is the hardest job in the world is simply wrong.

I don't care what he does! It's not about the money. If someone paid me to clean my house and mother my own children that still wouldn't make my mothering dities harder than my career in medicine. It's about the fact he is out grafting 40 hours a week, then grafting more at home in the evenings to earn enough money for his wife to have what sounds like quite a leisurely life. Working full time is hard and she should be grateful he is saving her the effort. She isn't struggling, she admits she is bored.

Being a SAHM because you like doing it is absolutely fine, just stop dressing it up as a great hardship. It is a privilege to have married a man who makes enough money for you to not have to work. The least you can do is be grateful he does that for you and not devalue his work.

That’s not what I’m saying. As I said have no issue with women to choosing to stay at home.

A women who has children in school for starters “isn’t working all day”.

Its not about money, it’s about admitting that there are harder jobs than being a SAHM. It is not “the hardest job in the world”. Nothing to do with money, it’s just not the hardest job in the world - cooking, cleaning and minding kids part time.

Its odd the instead of engaging with that, you jump to ah it’s all about money for you.

You could also argue that by being a SAHM even though she doesn't need to be because the kids are at school that she's teaching her boys that they have to shoulder the entire financial burden of a family alone and they can't expect an equal partner in paying the bills in a wife and teaching her girls that they don't have to work for things because a man should buy them for her and that her place is at home with children. It is entrenching old fashioned gender roles.

It is good for girls to see their mum's work and achieve when they are growing up so maybe she should go back to work and help her husband pay the bills, then he can work less and they can have equal leisure time because he won't be too knackered to look after the kids solo two times a week.

This just isn’t realistic. It doesn’t apply in the working world. I wouldn’t expect a new boss to either, how bizarre.

No my boss does not “let me have time off when I want”, that’s not living in the real wolds. I have a set number of annual leave days and I have to agree the days I’m taking. The same as most jobs I imagine!

You took CEO from my list before they did. I also mentioned nurse and bus driver.

As has been pointed out numerous times, it’s not about money or what is more personally valuable, it’s about level of difficulty.

Like you said :) from your list.

Also this answer wasn’t to you so actually she used it as the sole example.

I think I did say that we will have to agree to disagree.

Have a good evening 🌺

No, I wouldn’t be able to say that because she is asking for two evenings so that she can get back out there.

Did you read any of op’s post?

Anyway. I already said all I wanted to op and answered some others and now I am done.

Good evening 🌺

Sorry. Had to post a last.

“Paid me”.

WOW. well that is clear and you made valid all my assumptions.

OP. Do not listen to them. They think your husband owns you because he has the money and gives it to you.

Now bye 🌺

I think it's you that didn't read the OP. She's not pulling her weight.

I think some women don’t want to admit that being a SAHM of school-aged children isn’t especially hard.

Someone who claims they have “the hardest job in the world” when the kids spend most of day in school and many of the tasks they do - getting the kids out to school, dinner, washing, shopping working parents also do, isn’t living in the real world.

Your “assumptions” are just deflection.

Of course being a SAHM isn’t as difficult as a career in medicine. That was the point of the post.

You're clearly not very bright. Or you're missing the point on purpose.

Does he get to go out on other evenings?

thank you so much for asking, I did in fact read it, but apparently you didn’t read mine. I’m saying I take issue with the frame of kids = “work to avoid.” Spending time with my kids is a privilege. I’m not looking to avoid it. Nor is OP, she’s seeking a learning experience and friend time not an escape. So why does the partner see the kids as a burden to get out of? If you don’t agree, fine, but at least take the time to understand the point I’m making if you’re going to argue with it.

Is it that he’s avoiding time with the kids? The o/p says he’s an involved parent.

or do you think it’s more he’s getting up, going to work, coming home, feeding and putting the kids to bed, logging on for more work, with no time to even sit for 10 minutes and reset?

he can’t not work as the household is completely reliant on his income.

then on weekends he is doing the bulk of the childcare and housework.

meanwhile o/p has 6 hours in the day, weekends, and two evenings a week to manage as she pleases. With none of the stress of knowing if it doesn’t get done there’s no income and no food on the table.

o/p needs to step up. Either get shit done in the day so he can chill at weekends, or get a job so he can relax a bit on the work front.

being a sahm is a privilege as you say. As much as I hate the logic her job is to facilitate his working life by taking up the slack at home.

the balance isn’t right here. That’s the problem, and that’s what dh is saying. He has too much on his plate and is not coping, that’s the message.

.

Exactly this. As@Shoopstoop says, being a SAHM with school aged children is a privilege. The balance is very unfair here and the DH is telling her so. He's not trying to avoid looking after his children at all, he's trying to juggle a lot of work and family responsibilities while the OP has a jolly relaxed time overall.

Or leaves her if she carries on like this.

I’m conscious I’m ranting. Given that a lot of people (whether rightly or wrongly depending on your view) are despairing about women’s rights post the US election results, it irks me that women claim being a SAHM of primary aged children is very hard.

Women can do hard things, and we prove as much all the time, if you stay at home (by choice) have children in school until 2/3 and your tasks are house, food, shopping and childcare please admit that there are harder jobs.

That’s not to say it’s not a valid choice, or that for some it isn’t a choice, or that it doesn’t have any downsides or even that’s it easy.
Its just not the most difficult job in the world.