To keep him away from kids’ events?

[Brightspark3]

Inspired by another thread. My ex boyfriend started seeing someone just after we finished. We have 2 kids together and he won’t go anywhere without his now wife. So he doesn’t come to school plays, religious events or anything. He wanted to see my son on the first day of school 2 years later but I said no because I knew he would rock up with her. Aibu to just not tell him when anything is so that he can’t bring her too? He showed up once at a sports event and brought her. I couldn’t cope seeing her and I never want to see her again.

My exH was a terrible husband but I’ve never stopped him being at events and more recently he brings his wife.
I’m friends with his wife on Facebook and he’s a much better husband to her.
I don’t think you should be calling the shots here, I think him turning up with or without her is there business, you only need to be concerned your child has both parents there.

And given your behaviour and attitude here I can fully see why he left.

You are condemning him for not doing stuff and then condemning him and blocking his invokvement when is is trying.

Again. Get over yourself

Have you posted about this before, OP? If you did, then as I recall you got similar responses the last time.

Get over yourself and put your children and their relationship with their father (and step-mother) first.

You’ve got to get over this. He is married to her and still deserves a relationship with his kids. And so, to a certain extent, does she.
He should attend their important events and taking her is only natural.

Or why did their dad put his wife ahead of them by refusing to go on his own to events?

Harshly, maybe he didn't want to marry you. You weren't the person for him. Yes it must hurt, but that's not a reason to not let him attend.

Not every relationship is meant to last forever OP that’s part of life. The only people you’re hurting now is your children who as I say, will one day know exactly what you’ve done here and won’t thank you for it. You didn’t get to be his wife so now you’re preventing him and his wife from being in their kids/step kids lives.

IT'S. NOT. ABOUT. YOU.

Maybe he just wasn't ready for family life/marriage with you.

Maybe you were not 'the one'.

This shouldn't stop him being involved in his kids lives. Kindly, you need to move on. He has.

Get the school to send him the letter/emails directly. You don't need to be the middle person.

Does your DC see hima t other times.

So? I’m in your exact situation. You know what we do? We all go to things together. I go, he goes and the woman he picked to be with goes too. And not even just stuff we have to do like school events, we go for dinner and cinema/comic cons/one off activities all together. Because that’s what is best for the kids, for them to see us all as their unit. We manage just fine.

The reason he hasn’t come to anything for your kids is because you are gate keeping all the events by setting rules you have no right to set. And your kids have suffered. Maybe he should have come along without her but you sounds so awful, I’m sure you’d have been horrible to him regardless and made it a terrible atmosphere. He should have really just told you to bugger off and brought her anyway.

You need to grow up. Put your kids first. If you can’t do that, maybe they should go live with him.

Grow up op

What if he decides when you get a partner they can never go to your kids events or is that ok because it’s only you who can dictate 🙄

you sound jealous and bitter, you are better off without him from what you’ve said so focus on that and your kids

None of it is fair, and he deserves a whack round the head with a wet fish, but still, you have to be the bigger person for your kids, and make the best of it for them. Just curse them under your breath…..

All I’m seeing from your post and replies is how YOU feel and what YOU want.

stop being selfish and put your son first.

if your ex has any sense he’d just turn up to school events. He doesn’t need to ask your permission for him or his wife to go.

you don’t own your son, or his school.

@Brightspark3 because he's not letting you call the shots!!!!

You need to read everyone's posts and then reflect. No one is agreeing with you.

You chose to be with someone who wouldn’t marry you, do you take responsibility for that? For having a baby with him knowing that? For resenting his working hours yet having another baby with him?

You made a series of choices. Part of moving on might include accepting that. He made his choices, his wife is making hers. They seem happy, you’re not, you can only change yourself, no one else.

You're constantly accusing him of putting himself before his children, yet you're doing the exact same thing.

Maybe it’s you he wanted to avoid, because it sounds like you’d have made it awful for everyone whether he was there alone or not.

You need to realise that you don’t own those kids, you don’t get to make rules like this and you need to move on. He didn’t want you. Get over it.

Im sorry he wasn’t a good partner to you OP. It must really sting seeing him with his wife. I can totally understand why you feel so betrayed.

But, this really can’t be about you and your feelings. It’s about your son who deserves a relationship with his dad, his half siblings and his step mother. You need to put your own feelings aside now and try and move on from your own heartbreak, for your son’s sake. You will only come out looking bitter and resentful otherwise.

Your son will decide when he is older how much he values his dad’s time. You don’t really have the right to dictate that.

He didn't want to marry you. He didn't want to be in a committed relationship with you. That's not an offence. I am sure you didn't want to marry many of your exs.

You both chose to have child/, children knowing he was that way at that time.

He has gone on by the sounds of it fit his shit together and grown up a bit. He fell in love got married.

He has done nothing wrong. Nobody owes someone their commitment.

You are being very unfair to your children and need to pull up your big girl pants. Your posts are clearly showing you resent her meeting him, being younger and having the nuclear family you want.

Stop being unreasonable and concentrate on your happiness.

He didn't he out your control below his wife.

That's completely irrelevant - you're punishing your child because of extreme jealousy and it sounds like it's ruining your life. Does your child want their dad there? If so you should enable and encourage dad to be there. It's understandable that that is awkward for you. But if it's so hard you feel it's unbearable then you need to get some help for yourself. Imagine your child in future, every event in their life will be blighted by needing to choose one parent. Wedding, graduation, funerals etc.

It would be much better if your ex didn't insist on bringing his wife as this stuff is nothing to do with her and he's equally not putting the child first, but you can only control your behaviour so try to rise above it and do the right thing by your child.

This is definitely a “you” problem. Stop making it your DCs problem.

I feel sorry for the kids caught up in this. Just be the bigger person. Get to know the stepmum.

He doesn’t need to go on his own to any events. He can attend with his wife. There is nothing you can do if he turns up with his wife. His wife is your children’s stepmother and will have her own relationship with them.

him standing like the cat who got the cream what with his wife? Like any other married person? When you move on you'll understand that it's not about your relationship with him that's over