To keep him away from kids’ events?

[Brightspark3]

Inspired by another thread. My ex boyfriend started seeing someone just after we finished. We have 2 kids together and he won’t go anywhere without his now wife. So he doesn’t come to school plays, religious events or anything. He wanted to see my son on the first day of school 2 years later but I said no because I knew he would rock up with her. Aibu to just not tell him when anything is so that he can’t bring her too? He showed up once at a sports event and brought her. I couldn’t cope seeing her and I never want to see her again.

No double standards at all, you are being selfish. He remarried, no affair, and you are acting like a child. This isn't mumsnet being weird, it's 100% you BU

You need to be the adult and think of the benefits for your children of having their father involved in their life (and, hopefully, a caring step mum)

You are painfully jealous OP, you’re already said it’s because he never married you and then has married her.

He can go alone, but he’s more than entitled to bring his life partner, his wife, to support his children and HER step children. This isn’t a random girlfriend, it’s his wife, time to accept it OP because you’re the only bad guy in this picture.

It's in your benefit that his stepmum feels welcome. 2nd wife is a tough gig and she can be a real help to your son if you allow her without putting barriers in your way. Another person to love him! Great!

The thing with kids is that you can only control how they see the world for a very limited period of time, then they grow up, look back, and see things as they actually were.

Just now you're banning him from events and look like the parent who shows up, but in the future your kids will 100% find out that their dad and step-mum wanted to be there and you banned them through sheer jealousy because he married someone else.

If you sit back and let him get on with it then he may well show himself to be a crap dad, and that's on him, and the kids will see that too, or he may have turned a new leaf and be amazing and the kids will have a lovely step mum too, which can only benefit them.

Right now you're denying them a loving relationship with their dad and step-mum out of spite.

I think he should be able to go on his own or with his wife to see his kids in events - surely if they stay with him they're around his wife all the time?

Honestly it sucks to be in your shoes, but your children are the ones missing out when you make rules like this.

Well they claim no affair but they did know each other before we finished so I don’t know what went on before that

It's not even relevant, they want to watch his child, not you

It's his wife. It's up to him whether he gets to bring her along.

As another pp you need to grow up.

You definitely are jealous, it's dripping from your posts. It's obviously really difficult for you, and I'm sorry for that, but you really need to try to put your feelings aside for the sake of your DC.

Exactly I imagine they won't even be sitting anywhere near you OP. No one will care how they got together

Come on OP, he's married but he's still their Dad and his wife IS part of their lives whether you like it or not, just as your DH or partner would be.

How long ago did you two break up? Have you not started seeing other men yet?

@Brightspark3

"He does but the letters etc all come to me. I’ve said before he can go to things but she can’t and he said no it’s his wife and they come as a package."

This is NOT for you to dictate.

You arr being petty. Jealous and frankly ridiculously immature.

You need to get over yourself.

The only person you are hurting is your ds

You are behaving appallingly.

He doesn’t need your permission to attend events with or without his wife.

What double standards are you accusing people of?

I’m not sure why you’re posting, you’re completely sure you’re right despite what everyone’s saying. Do you want to find a way to change your approach and don’t know how to back pedal gracefully? Or has someone told you you’re being daft and you want to justify your position to strangers?

Why should he have to though, apart from to stop your jealousy?

Honestly please instead of a pile on put yourself in my shoes for a second. he wouldn’t marry me, bragged about never marrying, didn’t even want our kids and then he goes and marries someone 10 years younger than him and is suddenly the perfect dad, perfect husband, works sociable hours, does everything with her when he done fuck all with and for me and my kids.

Affair or no affair grow the fuck up. You can't force someone to marry you if they dont want to. Move on and stop punishing your poor kids

You don’t have to talk to the pair of them besides basic politeness but for the sake of your DC you do have to allow them meaningful contact with their other parent. It will mean so much to them growing up to have a proper bond with their DF, and that will only happen if he knows important things about their life and is involved in their big moments. I totally get that you don’t want to do it, and you don’t feel like he deserves it, but neither of you are the main person in this - the most important person is your DC, who didn’t ask for you to split up or fall out.

It’s not really down to you and whether you want to see his wife or not. He’s entitled to have a new partner and he is entitled to build a relationship with his children.

I'm sorry OP but you're just coming across as the jealous ex. They're married now so you need to get over it and put your children first. Imagine how they'll feel when they find out daddy couldn't come to something as their step mum wasn't allowed. It'll be you who looks bad.

You quite clearly are jealous and I’ll repeat, the only person you’re hurting is your son.

he will one day grow up and know that you put your feelings and pride before his and resent you for it.

Because he is a grown up and it is not about you