To not get the whole ‘I can’t wait to be a grandparent’ thing

[Sparklytopattheready]

Maybe I’m just a miserable git but I don’t get it…
my kids are late teens/early 20s and I can honestly say I’m not at all bothered about being a grandma.
I know how hard and relentless parenting can be and being a single mum doesn’t help.
I know several people who chose not to have kids and they are all off living their best lives, lots of free time, mortgage paid off early, multiple holidays a year.
Then there’s today’s society - the world is overcrowded, the pressure of social media, global warming, NHS in meltdown etc etc.
I can honestly say I’d be happy for my kids to never have children!

Until the day you become a Grandmother. It's different very different from having your own children . To me my Grandchildren are angels and fill my heart with joy and happiness.

It's awful, puts unnecessary pressure on adult kids (who may or may not want to have their own children) and ignores the real achievements of adult kids. They are just reduced to being baby-making machines.
If someone is looking forward to being a grandparent, that's fine, but they need to learn not to vocalise it!

Totally agree with you. I feel that whatever life any potential grandchildren will have will be much worse than mine, so I'd also feel sad from that perspective. There's so much more to life than breeding! Have wonderful friends, enjoy pets and travel, enjoy your job or career - I want those things for my children, not some pet grandchild for me!

And maybe the OP, will also enjoy bring a grandparent, when/ if her children choose to have children. That’s quite different to impatiently anticipating it from the moment they hit adulthood!

I would love to have grandchildren some day but would never put pressure on my DC to have children. It’s their choice if they have/ don’t have children, it’s not a right to be a grandparent.

Obviously fine to say you can’t wait to be a grandparent if they are expecting.

I wouldnt have had DCs if I thought they wouldnt have their own DCs.

I had DCs to continue our family, our heritage, our culture.

The thought of that dying out is horrific.

My family is very small so that probably affects my view.

My great grandparents only have 2 other great grandchildren and neither may have DCs.

Mine are all that's left.

I am not ready to be a grandma yet but I do think I will love it when the time comes. I am not sure if dc will have children and certainly will not mind if they don't but I think I would enjoy seeing them as parents and having little ones around again.

I have one DC who will never have children. Doesn't want them and is probably never going to change her mind. That's fine by me.

I have another DC who is married and they both want DC in a year or 2. Also fine by me.

Since they volunteered that fact, I can't lie, I've become quite excited about the idea but I would never have pushed it on them.

I'm a long way off being a Grandma but I see how much my older relatives enjoy having children in the family again. Kids are cute and cuddly and when it's a long time since your own have flown the nest, I imagine it's nice to be able to enjoy little ones again (without all the hard slog and sleepless nights!)

I suppose if you didn't really enjoy being a parent or don't like kids that much then it's also normal to not be interested in a grandchild/grandparent relationship.

This seems very odd to me. Surely you have DC because you want them. Breeding the next in the line seems more like racehorses than children.

Yes that's such a shocking thing to say! I hope you've never given your children that impression. I want my children to have fulfilling lives and positively touch the people they meet. Not to breed to continue the bloodline (and they are the last of our family, which was large and fairly well-known 100 years ago. But that is likely to die with them. The world will go on!)

I would love to have grandchildren. But it is unlikely that this will happen for various reasons although I have three now adult children. I remind myself that this is not all about me and my desires but about the needs and desires of the children that I chose to have. That is not always easy to do, especially when friends become grandparents but its important I think.

I'm super excited for that day to come (though it won't be for a long while)

It's been 13 years since I had a baby and I love little ones.

I can't imagine anything more lovely than one of my babies having a baby and being part of their lives.

Absolutely the same. Both my adult children have decided they do not want children. I'm fine with that

I'm sure it would have been quite nice DH would have been a fabulous grandad - but unfortunately our only DC 30 years old now - has severe learning difficulties so will never happen. She is gorgeous and thankfully looks totally normal and is extremely physically able but she has the brain, behaviour and speech of a 3 year old.

Once we are gone our family will completely die out sadly.😥

I have a DC at primary and a DC at secondary, and I'm already excited to be a grandma!! Hope one of my children has children in the future, otherwise I might need to go into fostering or get more dogs!

I was very maternal and couldn't wait for children, so maybe I just have some kind of high maternal/nurturing drive. Not sure! But I think having grandchildren will be incredible!!

I was the same . Then my son had one when he was in his late 30s and then another . It is different and it is heart warming when they call your name .

My mother was not that bothered about being a grandma, which was just as well as I had fertility issues and never had any. In fact she was never shy of pointing out the downsides, I think she genuinely thought I’d have a nicer, easier life if I didn’t have them. She may well have had a point…..

This is such an odd view! I hope you don't put this pressure onto them ?

My wonderful mum died when I was only 23 but stressed even when I was a teen, that she would never expect or pressure me to have children. I would have loved to but am childless through circumstance - I'm so glad that she made that clear otherwise if she'd have lived, I'd have felt that I'd really have let her down.

Seriously women, don't pressure your kids to have kids - they'll make their own minds up and have their own lives to lead. It isn't always within their control, as it wasn't in my situation.

I think it's an evolutionary thing. Once we're passed our own child bearing years, we look to the next generation and naturally (if we have them) our own children becoming parents.
On a practical level, there's no way I'm ready to become a Grandma - not if I wanted to spend a lot of time with them (for childcare or just because). I'm a lone parent and I'm just now (with DS2 being 15) able to get out and do loads of stuff FOR ME. I'm loving it. I also work full time.

On an emotional level I've turned into one of those people who get all melancholy passing a primary school or when I see a tiny baby and just want to stop and cuddle them (I don't, it's been a LONG time since I held a newborn). If my adult son was in a stable relationship, ready to start his own family, and talked about it with me then I'd absolutely be excited for them and me.

It's in our DNA innit.

I wasn’t bothered until he arrived.
Being Granny is one of the most wonderful things. He’s fabulous. Can’t explain the bond. It’s very different to that with your own children.

I do think some parents inadvertently pressure their children to reproduce.

I hope to become a grandma one day but I’d like a gap between parenting and that happening so I can selfishly swan off doing whatever I want without any ties. I’ll never share that with my dc as I don’t want to put any pressure on x

Personally I actively don't want to be a grandparent given the state of the world.