To not get the whole ‘I can’t wait to be a grandparent’ thing

[Sparklytopattheready]

Maybe I’m just a miserable git but I don’t get it…
my kids are late teens/early 20s and I can honestly say I’m not at all bothered about being a grandma.
I know how hard and relentless parenting can be and being a single mum doesn’t help.
I know several people who chose not to have kids and they are all off living their best lives, lots of free time, mortgage paid off early, multiple holidays a year.
Then there’s today’s society - the world is overcrowded, the pressure of social media, global warming, NHS in meltdown etc etc.
I can honestly say I’d be happy for my kids to never have children!

All families, heritage, cultures die out. Possibly as long as humanity exists our behaviour to one another can make a small difference to future societies. As a knock on to the gestalt culture.

Or, you know, write an important book. That's a better bet.

Maybe that's because you're reading something the poster didn't actually say? I don't see where she said it was better or more special. She said it's different. Which it is.
Being a GP in a loving functional set up means all the joy with much less, if any, of the hard graft and responsibility. You have time and leisure to really be in the moment with them, a luxury you may not have as a busier parent. There's also a sense (for me at least) of the clock ticking. We won't have the time with our GC we had with our DC or be privileged to share so much of their lives, so loving and enjoying them while we can takes on some urgency and intensity. It's not a superior love, but it is a different one.
I find it strange and sad that you are 'creeped out' by someone expressing their love for a child.

All the comments about putting no pressure on their children to have children I don’t understand. Do people really think telling their kids or have kids they’ll go “ok, I didn’t want this life changing thing but as you want a grandchild one hour a week then ok”

I personally couldn't give a dam either way. If my DC have them, that's their choice.

My life is full enough without grandchildren and l have no interest in looking after them.

Agreed. Some grips needed in general on this thread. I have a son, not a daughter. I'm happy with that. Imagine if I was like 'oh god why do people want daughters? I'm so fulfilled without one'. I'm fulfilled without many things, some of which I'd probably adore if they arrived in my life. That's what life is!

Yes, worrying about what my children will face in their lifetimes is bad enough. Thinking about an additional 30 years down the line with climate breakdown accelerating, part of me would be relieved if they didn’t have kids.

That's how I feel. The possibility of marriage is now getting closer for DS and I'm starting to think that him having his own dch would be nice.

I really appreciate you having this view because my MIL is non-stop pressuring us and guilt tripping us constantly about having children, even to the extent where she's figured out plans to change her day to day life to accommodate them! (She already has several grandchildren of various ages).

I find the pressure uncomfortable and depressing, we have already told her a million times we aren't having children, and the many, many various reasons why we have decided that (decided over 10 years ago and that's always been the strong message. We are still getting, "you'll change your mind when you're older and regret not having kids!", we are mid 30s).

Honestly wonder if I have autonomy over my own body sometimes, if I wanted to give up my rights I'd move to the US.

Glad there are people like you in the world.

I feel exactly the same way. I loved my own children but generally kids get on my nerves. As do their ever fussing parents.

Your kids aren't going to give birth to randoms, they'll be your grandchildren! If that happens.

I don’t mind either way, happily I’ll be too old and decrepit for babysitting duties by the time DD gets anywhere near having kids. I can’t face anymore child centred stuff. I plan to be living my best life. It’s entirely up to her, her life is precious and she must do what makes her life feel worthy and happy.

I have a fridge magnet that reads.
“ If I’d known how much fun grandchildren can be I would have had them first. “
😉😁😁.

I dearly want to be a Grandparent, but that's mainly because I want the two of my children who have expressed wishes to have children to get their wishes.

If I only had my DD2, who doesn't want children ever I wouldn't want to be a grandparent.

I just hope if I am lucky enough for it to happen I can be as close to my GC as MIL is to mine and if I can be half as good as her at navigating the parent/in law/grandparent thing I'll be very happy!

At this point in time I actively don't want GC. I had my own DC's too young so it's very possible I'll be a GC in my 40's when I've still got 25+ yrs of working ahead of me.

I feel really mean saying it but I don't have any interest in providing childcare, and I dislike all children other than my own. Maybe that's just the life stage I'm at right now, I hope my feelings will change if and when it ever happens!

Wow.

Good job I’m not your daughter! What an awful pressure to put onto your children.

I don't like it because of the pressure it puts on people ("when are you going to make me a grandparent??" Etc).

But when you say you don't "get" people wanting to be grandparents, what do you mean? It's just a different view, in the same ah that you have children and some people would hate to have them. The general feeling (provided there's no pressure put on anyone) is fine and understandable either way.

I felt the same when my children were that age. Grandchildren came along and I felt I had hardly finished rearing my own. I love them all though and wouldn't be without them. However I have friends who are in their sixties and desperate for grandchildren. You might feel the same in a few years.

That’s an interesting way of looking at things. I never considered that my having children was continuing our particular family legacy. I can imagine that if you have land or titles this may come into play but I imagine most people have children because they want to have children.

To me grandchildren are simply my DCs DCs. Given a choice I'd far rather spend time with my DCs than their DCs. Of course I would look after them if needed (unlikely if were not local) and I do enjoy seeing my current GC but he's not mine. He's my DCs. His other GPs have an oddly entitled approach to spending time with him, which makes me shudder.

I know several people who chose not to have kids and they are all off living their best lives, lots of free time, mortgage paid off early, multiple holidays a year.

I think it's disingenuous to think every single child free person will live this life! The reality is many people (singles, couples, families, pensioners) are struggling with costs and this idea that every child free person is able to afford multiple holidays a year and their own house is so far from the truth! I think it's also disingenuous to suggest that parents can't live their best lives either. Everyone's idea of "living their best lives" is different! Society tells us it's going on multiple foreign holidays and owning a nice house and car, but not everybody wants that lifestyle.

I wasn't bothered about being a grandparent either until it happened and it is the most joyous thing ever. I love my grandchildren so much and really enjoy spending time with them. Much easier than being a parent.

Jeez. And what if your children didn't want to have children? Or couldn't?

The irrational part of my brain would be excited.

The rational part of my brain would prefer my children to not have the responsibility and worry of children. I also can't really understand why everyone continues with life as if society as we know it is ending. I could say the same thing to my younger self of course, but now we know for sure that scientists underestimated climate change and we don't even know if we've got ten years of stability.

Isn't not is!

I couldn’t wait to be a Granny however I didn’t put pressure on either of my children. DS1 and DDIL1 don’t want children. They’ll never change their minds about that so that’s fine.

DS2 & DDIL2 did want children and their DS was born on Boxing Day last year. The love we have for him is beyond words. He’s the most precious little boy. He’s mellowed DH. DS1 absolutely adores him. I can’t describe how it feels when he wraps his chubby little arms around my neck and gives me a slobbery kiss. We’ve just had him for his first sleepover, it was absolutely knackering but we enjoyed every single minute,