To not get the whole ‘I can’t wait to be a grandparent’ thing

[Sparklytopattheready]

Maybe I’m just a miserable git but I don’t get it…
my kids are late teens/early 20s and I can honestly say I’m not at all bothered about being a grandma.
I know how hard and relentless parenting can be and being a single mum doesn’t help.
I know several people who chose not to have kids and they are all off living their best lives, lots of free time, mortgage paid off early, multiple holidays a year.
Then there’s today’s society - the world is overcrowded, the pressure of social media, global warming, NHS in meltdown etc etc.
I can honestly say I’d be happy for my kids to never have children!

I'm not bothered at the moment, but I'm sure that'll change when any of my three grown up sons have their own children. I'm not holding my breath, though!

The cynic in me thinks that in some cases it's people who have made their lives all about parenting and don't know what else to do with themselves when their kids no longer need them.

I am with you. I don't have grandchildren and that's fine. I know if I do have one or more I will love them, but until then I'm happy as I am.

DS already says he doesnt want kids. Course he's only 20.
DD says she wont be able to afford them. Probably also true.

I am happy if neither of them has any and just get pets.

What an odd view. Quite apart from anything else, you can’t require your unborn children to sign up to perpetuate the line, and once they’re born, you don’t get to decide for them. Assuming your family isn’t the last to speak a particularly rare language or be of a particularly threatened culture, surely other people will carry it on, just not your particular family. I know Jewish people whose parents were Holocaust survivors who were put under significant pressure to have children, and to marry inside the faith group. It was a difficult way to grow up.

I’m excited to be a grandmother. DH isn’t bothered. But no pressure, if they don’t want them.
I would offer childcare on their terms with ground rules.
My own parents have been better grandparents than they were parents as no stress, can enjoy and hand back. They gave me lots of childcare on there terms.
My children in their 20’s still go see them a couple of times a week.

I became a grandmother very young and I absolutely love it , they are delightful girls and I spend a lot of time with them days out , sleepovers , shopping 😀

I don't want to provide regular childcare so that's a factor too.

I’m grateful that my mum absolutely did not.

I am one of those older mothers that someone was just moaning about on another thread. My son is 23 and my daughter is 20. I am a very fit and active 62 and love the idea of being a grandmother one day.

I didn't think I was bothered about it one way or the other but now the babies are here I'm really enjoying them!

And I didn't expect to get so much joy out of seeing my DD so happy to be a mother, but it is wonderful

Wait what?

Same here. We weren't "that bothered" about being parents and certainly aren't bothered about being grandparents. There's far more to life than children and grandchildren.

We ended up having our son late in life when I was 37. That was after establishing our careers, marriage, owning our own home, starting our own business, and travelling to dozens of countries all over the World for the sights and experiences, alongside various hobbies, voluntary work, etc.

I can honestly say, our life would have been just as complete if we hadn't had our son. That's not to say we didn't put our all into his upbringing etc - we always give 100% to whatever we do, no half measures. Obviously we're pleased we did, we had many years of different experiences, and he's brought us lots of joy over the years, but our life wasn't and isn't defined by our son. We certainly wouldn't have gone down IVF or adoption if we hadn't conceived, and "let nature take it's course" too with whether we had another (we didn't) - we did nothing to stop it happening, but did nothing to "make" it happen either.

Same with grandchildren, if we have one or more, then fair enough, we'll put our all into them, and fully support our son, and do whatever we can to help as we know we'd benefit ourselves too in the same way we did with our son. But we're really not bothered. If we don't have grandchild/ren then we won't be loosing sleep and won't be crying into our corn flakes every morning.

I feel like this at the minute - I do half wonder if it's because the material itch has been fulfilled.

However I have noticed people with late teen and 20s go very anti young children in public then when DGC come along revert back to loving kids. So could be an age/stage thing.

Also my IL weren't keen on being grandparents at all - very hand off parents to one child - were awful during pg - then met pfb and went completely other way - very OTT. On other hand can think of a few desperate to be GP who never seem to have much to do with the GC they got.

This is awful.

What happens if your DC don’t want children?

Must be especially difficult in any culture where there is no place for women outside of traditional family structures.

I am childfree by choice and unfortunately for me my mum is very maternal and constantly and I mean constantly bombarded and pressured me with questions such as “when am I having children” “ what is wrong with your marriage” “ don’t leave it to late or you will regret it“ etc..

Her constant questioning of my choices and her interference has actually had an impact on me like I’ve failed her somehow (and she was keen to emphasise that fact) , she doesn’t have grandchildren and I do know her and dad would have been amazing grandparents but now I’m in my mid 40s the questioning has finally stopped but I always feel resentful that I was reminded weekly that I’ve failed her so please if your looking forward to being grandparents don’t project those feelings onto your children as they definitely will feel like a failure if they choose for whatever reason not to have them

Oh, I can’t wait! My dad in particular is a completely different man to the one who raised me! Ruins our kids, and they adore him… all the fun stuff without most of the boring bits of parenting???
Bring. It.on.

They’ll probably have them anyway, seeing as they will have been brought up to think it’s unthinkable not to. God help them if they have fertility problems.

Each to their own, I absolutely can't wait to have a grandchild if that's on the cards. DS is only 14 so who knows what his future holds but I will be the best granny on the planet given the chance.

I won't hassle him, it's his life. But if it comes my way I will be the happiest woman alive. When I told my dad I was having a baby he cried with happiness, and why not.

I hope I have at least one grandchild and I'm looking forward to it. Just like I hoped I had children. I hope to support my children in their parenting as part of my parenting.

This was my own Mother. She had 5 children over 14 years. The first grandchild arrived when my youngest sibling was in her late teens, so my Mum moved straight into her grandmother role. She loved it and was completely fulfilled by motherhood and being a grandmother.
She did not put any pressure on her children to 'make her a grandmother', but fully embraced it when it happened. She lived to enjoy 12 of her grandchildren, but sadly died before the final 2 arrived.

I'm really not bothered if I get grandchildren. I raised my two younger siblings from the age of 12 and basically bringing up my own three children on my own with zero help from anybody.

When my own kids flee the nest I want time for me and don't want the possible expectation that I'm an unpaid childminder for my grandchildren.

The motherhood penalty is massive and parenting can be a ruinous to a woman's life. Let's face it, if things go tits up, it's usually the woman who is left carrying the full burden.

It's no wonder that the birth rate has plummeted and continues on a downward trajectory.

As a mother of daughters, I wouldn't blame them one bit for choosing not to have kids, and I'm okay with that.

Is it only me who wants to spend her retirement travelling, going to the theatre or gigs, socialising, pursuing hobbies? I already do all of that and plan to be even more ' selfish' post retirement. DH is of the same mind.