To not get the whole ‘I can’t wait to be a grandparent’ thing

[Sparklytopattheready]

Maybe I’m just a miserable git but I don’t get it…
my kids are late teens/early 20s and I can honestly say I’m not at all bothered about being a grandma.
I know how hard and relentless parenting can be and being a single mum doesn’t help.
I know several people who chose not to have kids and they are all off living their best lives, lots of free time, mortgage paid off early, multiple holidays a year.
Then there’s today’s society - the world is overcrowded, the pressure of social media, global warming, NHS in meltdown etc etc.
I can honestly say I’d be happy for my kids to never have children!

I sort of understand it but I don’t like it. It is an extra source of pressure on young adults to have children! I’ll admit my mum desperately wanting a grandchild and me being an only was a huge factor in me deciding to have a child as I didn’t want her to be devastated at not having any! And I know that will get me blasted and for the record I did have other reasons for having my daughter! But it was a factor.

Odd indeed. A bit Victorian😐

Nope not only you. 🥂 Here’s to your ‘selfish’ retirement!

That seems to put a lot of pressure on your DCs. What if they don't want children, or can't have children? Do you want them to have the added pressure of knowing that they are letting you down?

If I'm honest grandchildren are something I probably would like when I'm at that stage but it's not fair to put expectations like that on your kids.

I voted YABU. Not because I think everyone should be looking forward to becoming grandparents. Because it's OK thst some do. They have different values to you and thats ok. It's also ok you don't feel that way. Just makes you different.

It's important to have a level of tolerance for people.

I have 2 adult children , very unlikely to be a gran and quite happy with it . I am grand mama to 2 Siamese cats and that’s lovely .

I will never tell my kids but I would be secretly devastated to never be a grandparent. I love being a mother it’s all i ever wanted from being a small child. I know that lots of people don’t feel this way, that I am most definitely a minority.

I will never put the pressure on them it’s completely their choice.

Unless you experience it.. l don't think you will understand.
When the children l love with all my heart have children they love with all their heart... it's double the love.
It took me a lot of pain and heartache to have my two daughters..
I'm blessed with the most wonderful four Grandsons.
We are such a close family.
I was a single parent from mine being very little.
The eldest now just walk round to visit me on their own..they say " just because". When l was in hospital last year for three week.. my eldest came to visit me every day after college.. he would skateboard his way to the hospital..

I'm sure that's what everyone wants, but the point of grandparenting is it isn't your job! It's a delightful add on to an already fulfilling life. If you aren't the type to offer regular childcare then don't, it's not obligatory. But surely the odd meal, day out, sleepover etc on your own terms won't interfere with your retirement plans, and will be one of the many things you actively enjoy doing.

But that’s not what the OP is saying. She’s not talking about enjoying being a grandparent, shes saying she doesn’t get the mad impatience in some women to be a grandmother well in advance of their children being at a life stage where it’s likely or even possible.

I think there is a world of difference between looking forward to being young enough to enjoy your grandchildren and pressuring your young adults to keep the family line intact.

I hope my children will have their children whilst I am still young and fit enough to be active in their lives. I would never presume to pressure anybody (let alone my own children) to start a family.

I don't think (until I read this thread) that I have ever encountered anybody who would do that.

I hear you OP. I have three AC who between them have four boys between 2 and 7. I love my grandsons and enjoy looking after them from time to time, but if my kids had all decided not to have children of their own I’d have been more relieved than disappointed. I was a single parent from when my eldest was 11 and frankly they were all utterly horrible (to me) from 14 to 20. I wouldn’t wish that hell on anyone.

True enough. I don't mind babysitting say once every ten days on my own terms, or in times of emergency.

I think my perspective is coloured because I come from an Asian family where grandmums are expected to give up their entire lives to caring for others. And it also seems that with the increasing cost of childcare, that way of life is becoming more common.

I hope I will love any grandchildren that will turn up,but I'm not particularly fussed.

DH, on the other hand, is ALREADY looking forward to being a grandparent (our oldest is 13!) My mother was the same - and in her defence, she was an absolutely marvellous one. Patient and helpful when they were babies, engaged when they got older. It's a huge pity she didn't get to see any of them reach anywhere adulthood.

I suspect it depends a lot on whether you genuinely like children and babies or not. I adore my children, but I didn't particularly enjoy the baby years and now I love them and enjoy spending time with them but I wouldn't choose to spend time with other children. My BFF doesn't have children (by choice) but does genuinely love children. She's a brilliant aunt (by blood and by choice) to her many nieces and nephews and godchildren (including mine).

I would love to be a grandma, but my daughter's life plan (she's always been a planner and sticks to it rigidly) doesn't feature children, and I'm not about to try and change her mind.
In the meantime, I'm playing grandma to my 'surrogate' son's children and will do the same when my other nephew reproduces 😊.

This is mental, absolutely mental!

Not bothered here either. DS is early twenties and has already decided he doesn’t want children, neither does his girlfriend. Their decision and I don’t blame them in the slightest. I’m in my late 50s so several of my friends are now becoming grandparents and they absolutely love it, the idea scares the life out of me.

I was hoping to be able to do some of this.

I don't think we'd be able to afford to give up work early to help with childcare - and fuck knows when state retirement will kick in when we get there - expecting to have to work till last 60s to build saving and retirement funds but would also like some disposable income post 20+ years of childrearing and time for us ( we got no childcare help ourselves) to enjoy it.

I am in the - I will have them as much as you need me to camp. I would have no issues giving up a day or two a week to look after my grandchildren. My children know that I especially adore babies and toddlers and they would have as much support as they need from me on their terms (I would never interfere).

This is probably because my own mother is completely absent in my children's lives. Beyond a few quid at Christmas and on birthdays she has zero involvement in their lives.

I really think it is each to their own. It doesn't really matter what we think. I will be happy whatever my kids decide.

I was the same and used to tell my son and daughter in law to wait as long as possible before having children. Because once they're here it's forever and at all times.
However my grandchildren are around mine every day, I love it.

I think it's because I have the time and also they bring back memories of my own children at their age.

I didn't give any thought to being a grandparent - and then I became one! It is an unimaginable joy!!

@Moier I have experienced a grandchild. I admit to liking her a lot and being very happy for my DC. But I also appreciate that because I am unlikely to have time to put the hours in with the GC that our relationship won't necessarily be close. Some of us aren't that maternal or grand maternal though I accept we're in the minority since every living thing is programmed to reproduce - and sexual attraction/love is one of the results.

YANBU. I have two young children and I definitely feel that it’s none of my business whether they decide to have children or not as adults. I wouldn’t try to sway them either way.