Does anyone with older than average parents, feel resentful at times?

[Hisaronu1234]

Feel so selfish for writing this but been one of those weekends where there have been a few reminders that I won’t have my parents for as long/ won’t be as fit and healthy ETC (speaking on average, yes I know some people can get ill/pass away whenever) as most people my age.

So I am 30 and my brother is 37, our Mother is 68 and our dad is 75, despite getting the ‘ is that your Mum/Nan, Dad/Grandad ‘ awkward questions when we were younger, ( more for me than my brother) as an adult it never really bothers me, they are both pretty independent, drive , walk their dog, had a few knee/hip ops between them but soon recovered ETC, My dad in particular looks quite young for his age and considering he is from a different era/old school , I can honestly say I have never heard him utter a single prejudice/cynical word (like some elderly do due to lack of understanding) which makes me proud , but a few things this weekend has put the age gap into perspective.
One being on Friday I was at a dear friend’s wedding, she herself is a little older than me but her parents must have been in their early 20’s when they had her, and were getting really stuck in , helping with the kids, dancing, etc
I couldn’t help but feel, if I was to get married at a similar age (mid 30s-40s) and have kids, my parents would not be able to get as stuck in as I or they would like.
Then on Saturday, My dad mis read/got confused over a text message regarding the time of a coach leaving for away support for our local football team that he was attending with my brother, he was mortified and it meant messing the man who organises it around ( and potentially losing him money – although on this occasion I don’t think the coach was full/had a reserve list) and him and my brother having to very quickly jump in their car and drive the other end of the country ( any other occasion they would probably have not bothered but they were meeting a friend up there as they don’t live local and was in possession of their ticket), it doesn’t sound like the end of the world I know, but it was a bit of a bad ‘faux pas’ that messed quite a few people around.
It really highlighted how old my dad is and bad with technology etc and I feel so selfish for even moaning about this but sometimes I just can’t help comparing them to friends parents and wishing things were a bit different.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

Yes she is . She says she even feels selfish the way she feels but she can’t help comparing her parents to her friends parents and her opening title says she feels resentment. If that’s not judgement, what is ?

My mum was young: 22 with my elder sister and 30 with me but she was resentful about not having had much freedom in her youth so was angry and disinterested. I'd have preferred having a mature, motivated parent any day.

As for helping out with childcare with GC she wasn't interested as she still resented giving up her youth to child-rearing her own DC. I'm still a very active parent to my adult children when they need me and I'm more adventurous and confident than I was in my 20s despite some of the Mn prejudice that we're all old biddies overnight at 60.

Your parents are not older than average. This is more about health and mindset some people are in care homes in their 60s whereas some are still in the gym and doing childcare in their 80s.
My dad was 73 when I had my son he would come to the park and babysat my son when he was a toddler and its only really in the last year now well into his 80s that hes not able to do so after suffering some serious health complications

But you will be the same age when you have a child as your mum was when she had your brother 🤔

Wow , true what they say , it's not just kids who bully others

I'm 37 and my parents are 80 and 71. They're still pretty fit and active for their ages, one is particularly stuck in with preschool grandkids. My brothers and sisters are also over 10 years older than me.

I never got comments like you seemed to have... perhaps that's colouring your view? I don't feel like they're hugely older than friend's parents. However, they are a similar age to one friend's grandparents!

The average age to become a mum in 1994 according to Google was 26 so the OPs mother was older than average

@Hisaronu1234 so you’re struggling to conceive but you’re still going to go ahead and try have children at an age likely older than your mother was - while also complaining about how old your mother is. Hypocrisy and double standards spring to mind!

also are you really saying other mothers looked at your mother ‘like she was an alien’ as she was older. What kind of odd place did you grow up in! Bizzare.

The OPs use of the name Karen shows us exactly what kind of person she is.

That's not a thing people say.

His mother was 52 when she had him, and his father was 78.

I’m the same age as you but my parents were in their mid-20s when I was born. I’m 30 and they are both mid-50s now. I feel really grateful for this for multiple reasons, so I totally get where you’re coming from. I think it hits a nerve for a lot of posters though.

That said, there will be plenty of people with older parents who don’t feel this way. I think it’s common to secretly wish things were a
bit different in our families. I only have a brother and have always been secretly envious of my friends with sisters because they all have such lovely close relationships , so very different to my own sibling experience.

And what you took from that frankly exceptional circumstance that would still make headlines today was that you yourself should not have children any later than age 25? Okay, sure, that’s a proportionate reaction…

I had ‘older’ parents growing up, in fact when we married my parents seemed an entirely different generation to DH’s. However, his parents died at 55 and 60, mine lived to 99 and 101 and were in very good health to the end. Be grateful
for what you have.

Why would it make headlines?

Yes, I did.

HTH.

I'm 29 and my dad is 76, mum coming up to 70. I see so many doting grandparents that take their GC on days out, have sleepovers etc, mine have never babysat because they're too old and not really interested. I do get jealous of people with hands on grandparents but there's not much I can do about it except plod on without a village - I'm just glad I'm young enough that one day I can help my girls out and be a doting Nan

Things are different now and women are having kids more in their late 30s.

By the time I was at school my mum would have been in her 40s whilst most were in their 20s so yes she was left out of things.

Hardly understand why I'm being made to feel guilty about my past experiences

Thank you , that's all I meant , maybe not so much for my brother but by the time I was at school my mum would have been in her 40s surrounded by 25 year olds

Yes I did, and I'm proud of that fact, but your right it probably contributed to different factors and younger parents

It was all over the press when Victoria Coren Mitchell had a baby aged 50 last year, with huge debate about whether it was something anyone should do. You’re not suggesting that having a baby at 52 is in any way unremarkable?

Yes people tend to have their first child later now but this idea that you were an outlier by having a mother who gave birth to you in her thirties doesn't really stack up. Lots of women who started their families at younger age were still having babies in their thirties.

Intrigued what a 40 something mother would be left out of by mothers in their 20s- a party to celebrate the renewal of a school Mum’s Young Person’s Railcard?

Last I checked nobody was asking for ID at the school gate. Isn’t the point of the social connection that your kids are all the same age, not you?

''Thank you , that's all I meant , maybe not so much for my brother but by the time I was at school my mum would have been in her 40s surrounded by 25 year olds''

That's the reason my mum told me she was 41 every year until I cottoned on that she wasn't ageing 😂