Does anyone with older than average parents, feel resentful at times?

[Hisaronu1234]

Feel so selfish for writing this but been one of those weekends where there have been a few reminders that I won’t have my parents for as long/ won’t be as fit and healthy ETC (speaking on average, yes I know some people can get ill/pass away whenever) as most people my age.

So I am 30 and my brother is 37, our Mother is 68 and our dad is 75, despite getting the ‘ is that your Mum/Nan, Dad/Grandad ‘ awkward questions when we were younger, ( more for me than my brother) as an adult it never really bothers me, they are both pretty independent, drive , walk their dog, had a few knee/hip ops between them but soon recovered ETC, My dad in particular looks quite young for his age and considering he is from a different era/old school , I can honestly say I have never heard him utter a single prejudice/cynical word (like some elderly do due to lack of understanding) which makes me proud , but a few things this weekend has put the age gap into perspective.
One being on Friday I was at a dear friend’s wedding, she herself is a little older than me but her parents must have been in their early 20’s when they had her, and were getting really stuck in , helping with the kids, dancing, etc
I couldn’t help but feel, if I was to get married at a similar age (mid 30s-40s) and have kids, my parents would not be able to get as stuck in as I or they would like.
Then on Saturday, My dad mis read/got confused over a text message regarding the time of a coach leaving for away support for our local football team that he was attending with my brother, he was mortified and it meant messing the man who organises it around ( and potentially losing him money – although on this occasion I don’t think the coach was full/had a reserve list) and him and my brother having to very quickly jump in their car and drive the other end of the country ( any other occasion they would probably have not bothered but they were meeting a friend up there as they don’t live local and was in possession of their ticket), it doesn’t sound like the end of the world I know, but it was a bit of a bad ‘faux pas’ that messed quite a few people around.
It really highlighted how old my dad is and bad with technology etc and I feel so selfish for even moaning about this but sometimes I just can’t help comparing them to friends parents and wishing things were a bit different.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

Lol
So, why aren't you married with kids already?
Maybe your parents had the same reasons?
If you had kids in your early 20s your parents could've helped you.
Anyway, rare you can plan and everything goes your way
It's just life

I have a similar situation.

Old age is coming for all of us, and it does make me sad that my parents will be going into their 80s soon, and that's terrifying.

You just have to be grateful they don't have dementia or other illnesses, the sort that older people get, because that would be sad.

We just have to enjoy the time we have with them.

Also, my sister had a child at a very young age, and she is still trying to live her best life, rather than trying to really engage with her daughter as she is still at a prime age to be enjoying herself, whereas my parents are retired, relaxed, and able to join me on adventures.

My daughter is your age OP. I was 40 when she was born. Nobody has ever asked me if I was her granny. Happy to look after older child's children too.

My parents are in their 60s (I’m 36), divorced, but both of them have much more of a social life than I do. Both work full time. Always out doing stuff. My dad travels around the world solo. I don’t consider them to be old at all. What a strange post!!

Precisely this. Well put.

Just to put another slant on it. My parents were early twenties when they had me, so very young. But my mother is more like 83 than 63. Very deaf, exhausted all the time. Had a few falls etc. I know women older than her who are a million times healthier. It isn't always age that is the issue.

Utter rubbish. My mum was 27 and dad 33 when I was born in 1965. All my friends had children in 1990s aged 30 upwards.

Indeed, answers getting more bizarre. I was born mid 1960s, my mum 27 dad 33 when I was born. The ages of my friends parents never computed with me, nobody was bullied about the ages of their parents. Looking back I think there was a real mix of ages

Why is it utter rubbish, just because the ops experience doesn't align with yours @pomers ??

I was born mid 60s too. My mum was 40, dad was 45. I know how the op feels.

My son is similar age to you, I was 3q when he was born. Most parents were my age, or older, a handful . Nobody obsessed about each other’s ages. Neither of us was left out. Truly bizarre

Well as an older parent myself (I was 27, 31 and 41 when I had my DC) this post makes me feel crap, thanks. That said, I think many people in general are having children later in life and I know I’m not alone in my peer group. My life, my choices. I don’t think the examples you gave are specific to older parents and those situations are not necessarily due to “older age”.

My parents both died when I was 10, I’d have em back at any age.

I felt this when I was a kid. My parents were 45 when I arrived as a surprise baby girl. Dad died of cancer when I was a toddler and my mum had very little left for me after she'd already raised my much older brothers who were all adults by then even though 2 still lived at home into their thirties. I spent large portions of my childhood trying not to bother her too much, round at friends houses or with other relatives. She did love me, I think, but I always felt like a burden. I spent a lot of time alone. She died, also of cancer, before I turned 16. I was taken in by younger relatives and realised what life should have been like for about a year before I left school and started work. After I met DH at 18, I got my own place and we have been alone since as his background is virtually the same story. My family are still about but have never really included us in anything because of the age gaps involved. I've got nieces and nephews older or similar age as me. It would have been nice to have been born earlier.

This is coming at it from a more selfish angle, but a plus is that surely taking care of elderly parents when you’re in your 40s is easier than if you’re in your 60s, or even 70s and elderly yourself?

My DF was 59 when I was born and ill by the time I was 10 thats main reason I had my kids young

Similar to me @Gingerlingerlonger. Cousins were all brought up together and have lovely memories of holidays with grandparents. Sadly the GP all passed before I was born . I've always been on my own a bit as the cousins and my siblings were all at completely different stages of life by the time I came along. When I was dealing with newborns and toddlers, I was also dealing with older parents/ IL's health issues. This is why me and DH won't have any more children and are happy with our lot at 2.

Surely the mums who have had children later in life for whatever reasons/ choices made must have considered the impact it might have later on in life on the children? I think saying this isn't valid, this makes me feel shit is also really selfish

My Mum was 29 when she had me and my Dad was 34. My parents are now 79 and 84. I was 35 when I had my son and my husband was 37 - my son is 14 and I have just turned 50. Your parents aren't that old, to be honest. My Dad turned 70, 10 days after my son was born. He's very active, walks a lot and is more than capable of running after a toddler! Try not to focus on what may happen in the future. No one knows what the future holds, and sometimes it's best we don't. Your parents could live into their 90s for all you know.

Your parents aren’t that old.

I’m 47, with a 42 year old younger brother.

My mom is about to be 80 in December, my Dad will be 89 in December.

My mom was 32 about to hit 33 when I was born (dad 41) and 37 about to hit 38 (dad 46) when my brother was born.

So my parents were a very similar age to yours when they had my brother and I.

They are a bit older than some of my friends parents granted, but I’m just happy that I still have them both for the time being.

The only real downside for me, is that I’ve only ever had one grandparent, my mom’s mom. Who died aged 82 when I was 21.
My dads parents both died before I was born and my moms dad died in his early 50’s long before I was born. So I’m more sad about the fact I’ve missed out on 3 grandparents.

You don't sound like a very nice daughter!!!!

So your mum had her first child at 31. And you’re 30 now but not married and not yet pregnant? But she’s the problem?

There seems to be this vibe on here of people being like “oh, I can have a child when I’m 35 years plus or when it suits me, etc” alongside “omg, my parents should have had had me when they were 22 and sacrificed their own years of carefree young adulthood in order to be around for me longer and even better to be fit enough to sacrifice yet more years of their life - I.e their retirement - to look after the grandkids when their offspring deign to see fit to procreate!

It's just the cards your dealt. Look harder, you'll see lots of younger parents who don't fit your ideal. My parents were 'older' for their time (31 & 35), DH's young (early 20's). My MIL was so overweight & so many health problems she couldn't get out of her chair, and became bitter and nasty. Passed away at 70. My parents are in 70's/80's & still completely capable. Driving, independent & look after DC a day a week on school holidays. Can't do more because too much going on!

We're older parents & although I do feel guilty, we lived a great life before kids & can now afford whatever they need & are happy to spend our time with them. There are positives & negatives to everything.

Older than average parents, parents who have died, parentr who have died young, parents who have health problems!!!! How can we possibly choose what will happen to our parents, or who they are, the important thing is to cherish them! And enjoy time with them sorry to say before they’re gone, which may have already happened for many of us here.

I think I would be spending the time enjoying special moments with your parents instead of complaining. My mum was a young mum but died very young which was devastating; you never know when you are going to go, when it’s your time, it’s your time. Make the most of your time with them and enjoy it. Those memories will give a lot of comfort when your parents are no longer around.

My kids are between 30 and 41, I was. 26 to 37 when I had them. That's a normal sort of age. I never felt like an older mum, and I've still got loads of energy now! No one ever mistook me for a grandma.
I think there does come a time when you look at your mum and dad and suddenly get the realisation that they are aging and won't be there for ever. It does give you a jolt. But hopefully not for a while, at 68 and mid 70s, people are often much more active for longer nowadays.
I did always try to be as kind as possible to my parents as they aged though- made me realise I didn't want to feel guilty later!