Does anyone with older than average parents, feel resentful at times?

[Hisaronu1234]

Feel so selfish for writing this but been one of those weekends where there have been a few reminders that I won’t have my parents for as long/ won’t be as fit and healthy ETC (speaking on average, yes I know some people can get ill/pass away whenever) as most people my age.

So I am 30 and my brother is 37, our Mother is 68 and our dad is 75, despite getting the ‘ is that your Mum/Nan, Dad/Grandad ‘ awkward questions when we were younger, ( more for me than my brother) as an adult it never really bothers me, they are both pretty independent, drive , walk their dog, had a few knee/hip ops between them but soon recovered ETC, My dad in particular looks quite young for his age and considering he is from a different era/old school , I can honestly say I have never heard him utter a single prejudice/cynical word (like some elderly do due to lack of understanding) which makes me proud , but a few things this weekend has put the age gap into perspective.
One being on Friday I was at a dear friend’s wedding, she herself is a little older than me but her parents must have been in their early 20’s when they had her, and were getting really stuck in , helping with the kids, dancing, etc
I couldn’t help but feel, if I was to get married at a similar age (mid 30s-40s) and have kids, my parents would not be able to get as stuck in as I or they would like.
Then on Saturday, My dad mis read/got confused over a text message regarding the time of a coach leaving for away support for our local football team that he was attending with my brother, he was mortified and it meant messing the man who organises it around ( and potentially losing him money – although on this occasion I don’t think the coach was full/had a reserve list) and him and my brother having to very quickly jump in their car and drive the other end of the country ( any other occasion they would probably have not bothered but they were meeting a friend up there as they don’t live local and was in possession of their ticket), it doesn’t sound like the end of the world I know, but it was a bit of a bad ‘faux pas’ that messed quite a few people around.
It really highlighted how old my dad is and bad with technology etc and I feel so selfish for even moaning about this but sometimes I just can’t help comparing them to friends parents and wishing things were a bit different.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

Yabu, my parents both died when i was young. Just be grateful for what you have.

I think age is a mindset though. PILs and my dad are the same age. My Dad has the latest iPhone and iPad, uses online boarding passes when flying, uses Facebook to keep in touch with relatives, etc. PILs have a iPad we bought them but only really use it to FaceTime our DC, their librarian prints out tickets for events, they phone the US on their landline to speak to relatives, etc.

It's not age.

Iv older parents both in 40s when they had me. I was never asked those questions about them being grandparents etc but perhaps because they were always the first to muck on etc - they swear I kept them young and mobile.

I had kids young in my mid 20s (so perhaps that makes difference) so they did lots of running around and childcare. Mine are teens now and still have a great relationship with them. But I'm lucky they are mobile and very self sufficient.

The lack of tech is a running joke but then my husband is just as bad and he is only in his 40s.

You would have benefited in other ways when you were younger though. Your parents were more likely to be settled in their work, financially stable and generally better off.

My Dad's parents had him in their 40s - died in their late 90s, were around for grandchildren and (just about) great grandchildren didn't really get frail until mid 80s.

My parents had me at 23 and I had DD at the same age, there are lots of positives ofcourse to being younger but neither my parents nor I were financially stable at that age. We moved around a few times growing up as we upsized and that was disruptive in terms of education and friends, less likely to do that if your parents had already bought their forever home etc.

I'll be 41 when DD goes off to uni and could start all over again, or travel or whatever so that is a bonus. But my DParents probably have 15 years before they start needing significant support, my DDad is healthy as an ox but DMum already has health conditions that will degrade and she's early 60s now. DMum is also a luddite and can barely use a smartphone although has mastered sending an email.

So I am 30 and my brother is 37, our Mother is 68 and our dad is 75, despite getting the ‘ is that your Mum/Nan, Dad/Grandad ‘ awkward questions when we were younger, ( more for me than my brother)

People thought your mum was your gran when she was in her forties?

Weird. This is the type of post you start to wonder if it was written by a computer.

As others have said if you plan to have kids at 35-40 you’ll be an ‘older’ parent yourself?

My parents were 34 and 36 when they had me. My husband and I started trying around 34 and I had my daughter at 40 after years of infertility. It does break my heart a bit that my daughter won’t know my parents for that long but I still think mid 30’s-40 is a good age to have kids.

My husband’s parents had him and his siblings from their early twenties which he didn’t like as they were very much still growing up themselves. Their house was too small and money was tight as his mother hadn’t launched a career yet and his dad was starting out in his. So having kids young isn’t always great either.

Oh and his parents are far far worse with technology than mine! His Dad doesn’t even own a mobile phone.

Another OP bashing the parents post, in this case for being too old (in their 30's) when having children.

How delightful. 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP grow up and stop blaming your problems in life on others. No-one else cares.

With kindness you need to get a grip! My dad died at the age of 71 when I was 18, slap bang in the middle of my A-levels and I'd been a young carer for years, but as a pp said it wasn't a thing then. That's an older parent......

how bizarre. That’s not old at all. My mum was 35 when she had me, my dad was 38.

i was 33 when I had my youngest. Not necessarily young I agree, but nothing to complain about or feel sorry for yourself for.

Your poor parents.

You are talking about your parents as though they are a depreciating asset who aren't as valuable to you as you would have preferred.

They don't exist to "get stuck in" to doing your work for you.

I sincerely hope if you ever have kids they galivant off on cruises and to the Costa del Sol and never, ever offer a single second of babysitting.

That seems like very normal ages!

My brother is almost 41 with 2 kids 5 and 7. My mum and dad are 69 and 70 and they run around with their grandkids! They often take them for overnights/full days and are running about in the garden, playing Lego with them etc. It all depends how active they are I suppose.

I feel you. My mum flatly refuses to use or own a smartphone, and barely knows how to use a pc.
It means I have to do everything for her, deliveries, taxis etc.
Also she always moans about how much pain she's in but refuses to take anything more than two paracetamol a day for pain relief. She's got severe arthritis and mobility issues but will not take medication for it or to sufficiently ease the pain. So it can be frustrating. I'm just glad I'm here to help her in her old age.
I do sometimes wish my parents had me younger. My dad died when I was a child, he was 55. Luckily my mum is still going strong at 85. Despite her ailments she leads a very full life. Lots of friends, goes shopping, out to restaurants ,cafes etc. so it's not all bad.

No, if my parents hadn't had me when they did I wouldn't be here. And they were great parents.

Hi OP!

Your post, if genuine, has annoyed me a bit so I've re-written it for you to take the blame away from your parents! Hope that's ok ...

"So I'm 30 years old. Haven't met a partner yet and will likely not get married til mid 30s, if then. I'm a bit worried because my lovely mum was pregnant already at my age and had my brother at 31. I probably won't have my first child however, until I'm in my late 30s and if I have a second child, I may be 40 or more.

I really appreciate my parents. They've been good to me and the worst my dad's ever done is got confused over a text message! So hardly bad parents! I'm lucky mum had us when still in her thirties and that they are both still very much a part of my life. My dad is particularly youthful in appearance!

I'm worried if I leave having my own children until my late 30s or early 40s, my lovely parents won't have youth on their side to be able to really enjoy their grandchildren. I'd like them to be able to have time with their grandchildren and for my grandchildren to get to know them. Do you think I'll find a partner soon and is late 30s too late for me to have my first child?"

Please just love and cherish your parents while you can - I am burying my dead dad tomorrow 🤗

Respectfully, your mum was 31 when she had your brother which is 1 year older than you are now. So if you have children your own children would be in the same position as you?

If you wanted to eliminate this issue, then by your reasoning you should have had children in your early 20's?

All of the above is a bit ridiculous, enjoy what you have 🤷🏼‍♀️

My parents had me older than yours and I don’t feel resentful at all. They were never ever mistaken for my grandparents growing up either.
i don’t really see your point at all.

💐💐💐💐💐💛💛

Oh my gosh.. I'm just about your mother's age and my youngest daughter is 30.. she doesn't think I'm old at all.
She loves going out with me.. shopping/ holidays/ days out/ concerts/ theatre ..she even says im more trendy than her.. with my clothes/ hair/ makeup.. also more so than some of her peers younger Mums.
I'm severely disabled too.
It's mind over matter

How about young grandparents who don't want to take care of their grandkids - they won't even make an effort? You could have grandparents who just want to watch TV whole day and won't even take a day off work when you're coming to stay for a summer holiday, so that they don't have to spend time with your small kids. Believe me, that's much worse!

Me & DH are in this situation and yes it's annoying but we have had our son later than my parents did so we can't really complain! It's swings and roundabouts. We both have older siblings and we've been more fortunate than they have because our parents were financially secure by the time we can along.

Your parents aren't old at all

You’re being very unreasonable.

Just because you get married in your twenties and start trying for a family it doesn’t mean it will work out. Honestly I’d let go of the negativity and focus on the fact you are lucky to have parents who are alive and love you.