Does anyone with older than average parents, feel resentful at times?

[Hisaronu1234]

Feel so selfish for writing this but been one of those weekends where there have been a few reminders that I won’t have my parents for as long/ won’t be as fit and healthy ETC (speaking on average, yes I know some people can get ill/pass away whenever) as most people my age.

So I am 30 and my brother is 37, our Mother is 68 and our dad is 75, despite getting the ‘ is that your Mum/Nan, Dad/Grandad ‘ awkward questions when we were younger, ( more for me than my brother) as an adult it never really bothers me, they are both pretty independent, drive , walk their dog, had a few knee/hip ops between them but soon recovered ETC, My dad in particular looks quite young for his age and considering he is from a different era/old school , I can honestly say I have never heard him utter a single prejudice/cynical word (like some elderly do due to lack of understanding) which makes me proud , but a few things this weekend has put the age gap into perspective.
One being on Friday I was at a dear friend’s wedding, she herself is a little older than me but her parents must have been in their early 20’s when they had her, and were getting really stuck in , helping with the kids, dancing, etc
I couldn’t help but feel, if I was to get married at a similar age (mid 30s-40s) and have kids, my parents would not be able to get as stuck in as I or they would like.
Then on Saturday, My dad mis read/got confused over a text message regarding the time of a coach leaving for away support for our local football team that he was attending with my brother, he was mortified and it meant messing the man who organises it around ( and potentially losing him money – although on this occasion I don’t think the coach was full/had a reserve list) and him and my brother having to very quickly jump in their car and drive the other end of the country ( any other occasion they would probably have not bothered but they were meeting a friend up there as they don’t live local and was in possession of their ticket), it doesn’t sound like the end of the world I know, but it was a bit of a bad ‘faux pas’ that messed quite a few people around.
It really highlighted how old my dad is and bad with technology etc and I feel so selfish for even moaning about this but sometimes I just can’t help comparing them to friends parents and wishing things were a bit different.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

I think I’d just feel a bit sad not to have them for longer.. You have a right to feel the way you do.

I am 50 and my mum is the same age as yours, and my dad is nearly the same as yours too. My dd is 25 and ds 23 and I am so thankful that they have got to know them when being adults too.

At school, one person had an older family than everyone else. Their father was significantly older, but both of their parents were older. And, yes, they resented the situation hugely as they grew up because they fully understood they would have less time with their dad.

Their parents were extremely nice people who simply didn't meet each other until much later in life. I think they might have felt better about the situation if they'd had at least one sibling... but their parents were much too old for that to have been a possibility. On the flip side, they had a lovely childhood, and a retired dad meant they always had their parents around growing up. They never had to be a latchkey kid or go without anything.

My parents were around the same age as yours when they had my sister and I, dad passed away last year at 67. Unfortunately didn’t get to see my son’s first birthday. Mum is 65 and in good shape luckily. My husbands parents passed 10 years ago in their early 40s they had him at 18 and would have been younger than my parents now. My sister on the other hand has in-laws and their parents. With their new baby this year it makes them a 4 generation family. The great-grandparents are in their 80s/90s and PIL late 50s/early 60s. It doesn’t make much difference, life will take you when it takes you - old or young.

Your mother especially is not old to have children your age.
If she hadn't had you at the age she and your father did you wouldn't be here anyway so it's a daft argument.

Given that your OP implies that you don't have kids and you're 30..... your mum was 31 when she had your brother. If you have kids you're going to be at least 31 then I'm not really sure you can call her old. She's not old. Ok you're dad is a bit older but some of the things you describe can happen at any age. Your brother is 37 and still has both parents. I didn't at that age and neither did my husband

My mum was 37 when i was born in 1988, my dad was 38. My brother came along 20 months later. They were some of the oldest parents at the school gates. I think it depended on where you lived back then as to whether you were considered an old parent or not. My father died 9 years ago at 65. My partner is older than me and his parents are now deceased. It's a shame that our dc will only have one grandparent still living, but she is rather full of energy so it makes up for it a bit. I kind of get it though, i see other people with parents in their 50s that are my age and think how nice it must be to think you may have them around for another 40 years yet.

Count yourself lucky you have two parents

Your parents arent that old. She had you at 37? Thats not unusual at all.

women arent supposed to retire until they are 67 these days so she's only one year post that.

My parents were both early 20s when they had me and my sister. They were both dead by the time I was 19. They definitely couldn't help out with my kids or dance at my wedding. I'm not usually one for be grateful for what you have but you have two loving parents still with you today.

I was 38 when I had my youngest. Never been mistaken for their nan. They are loved, and are part of a very close family, have opportunities and see the world. I think that will mean more to them as to whether I'm hitting the dance floor at their wedding.

See what you do have instead of focusing on what you don't. It will make life happier.

This - don’t go seeking problems.

Young people make mistakes with technology too. Don't write your dad off yet.

Life happens. You cannot always plan what age you have children nor can you control what other people do. Feeling resentful about this isn't going to help you. Enjoy what your parents can offer you now because there is a high likelihood that they will decline as they age.

My parents were 62 and 64 when I was 30. Now they are well into their 80s. My life is bloody hard as a result. All sorts of unforeseen problems and challenges crop up.

I suggest you discuss how their wishes and plans for old age in the event that they do become incapacitated otherwise you really will feel resentful.

I hope you already have dc OP, otherwise you're going to end up same as your mum!

On another note, it's going to happen more and more . As women move to having kids in their 30s and 40s as opposed to starting in their 20s a few decades ago

woahhh major hate for a Monday morning, I am not at all being ungrateful that i have my parents, its just hard like it is for anyone watching your parents get old , when you are still young yourself, and a lot of your friends parents are younger.
All I was saying is it hit me a bit this weekend.
Oh and for all those shaming me for not having kids yet, times were different then, I was bullied for having older parents because in the 80/s90s most had kids in their 20s, where as in this day 35-40 seems the normal.

this site is strange

My parents were early forties when they had me and as a 58 year old you bet my Mother was at that point one of the oldest Mothers by far. My Grandmother died when I was very young and my Grandad had already died in WWII. They were born at the very end of the Victorian era. I always promised myself I wouldn’t have kids 40 plus.

@Hisaronu1234 MN overall has a more educated demographic so there are many older Mothers on here so they see it as a personal attack. It is however how you feel and everyone is entitled to their feelings. It’s like the big family threads, I’m from a 6 kid family, it’s too many.

Remember that their age as prospective grandparents also depends on you choosing to have kids later as well as them.

Our youngest dd is 19 and dh is 66
Makes no difference to her or us

How do you know.

@gladpurpledog
How do I know what?

If you mean that it makes no difference to our dd then it's because we have always been open and honest about her dad being older and she is not bothered by it at all - he's just her dad !
He's far fitter than most 49 year olds and works 50 plus hours a week at 66 .

I just meant that it’s difficult to know what the difference might have been. But you are right that age doesn’t always matter. There was a post here a couple of days ago where a jealous OP and her DH who was looking at a younger woman said she was 50, and she honesty sounded as if she was 90 the way she described herself and her DH. Old before time..

Haven’t read all the posts but my parents were mid twenties when they had me and I remember my Mum feeling really unfulfilled about the life she could have had (university, travel etc). My Dad was working all hours to establish a career and wasn’t able to be with us as much as he would have liked. I think that having parents who are settled and ready to have kids, and have good life experience, makes for a much better childhood for your kids than having kids in your twenties. It also says to me that someone who does that is a bit boring and incurious about the world and life. Even if you meet your soul mate early twenties, why rush? Go and have fun together!

There are two many variables re what happens when we age. As it happens my parents died in their fifties (him) and mid sixties (her). My in laws are still going strong and are very active grandparents even though DH was 37 when DS was born
ph and DH’s granny was 19 when MIL was born. So now MIL aged 70ish has a 90 year old mother with dementia to support. No thanks.

Without reading it all

If you have kids, you'll be as old as your mum is to you and your brother ( or older in fact, than your mum is to your brother)...

People not agreeing with you is not "major hate"! It's a discussion.
I've scrolled through and i can't see anyone shaming you for not having kids yet. Pointing it out ? Yes. Shaming? No

Nobody has shamed you or given you "hate", they've just disagreed with you

I'm sorry you were bullied for having older parents, but mothers having kids in their 30s wasn't that unusual 30 years ago (you were born in the 90s I guess. Why have you added 80s into the mix?). I was born in the 70s and my mum was about 35 when she had me. That wasn't anything unusual. A girl in my year had a dad I his late 80s when she was a teen which is unusual.

I think your bullies just found something to bully you for. The problem lies with them not your mother.

You post wasn't about feeling sad to see you parents get old, it was about resentment which is not something you should be expressing when you are long way off having kids yourself. The cheek.

Be grateful for what you have and leave your poor mum and dad alone.