AIBU to talk to my son and tell him the gift was meant just for him?

[BySassyUmberPeer]

My son and DIL have a lovely 2 year old little boy and a 6 month old little girl. I see them about once a week and my DIL is super sweet and absolutely adores my son and is a great mum to both my GC. I sometimes come around and spend time with my DIL and GC over tea. My son has been working hard lately and I wanted to give him a cheque just for him to say I am proud of him as my son and to go towards something special for just himself. Could be anything that he wanted but maybe couldn’t justify spending on himself, ya know? Maybe something for his car or what have you.

The cheque was for $600. Well I received a text later that evening from my DIL that said the following, “thank you so much Allison for the lovely cheque it was completely unnecessary however it is very much appreciated!! Dan and I have been exhausted lately and are looking forward to doing something special for ourselves. I have a spa day scheduled for 2 Saturdays from now I’m looking forward to and Dan is using it towards a guys night.” I feel deep down that my DIL couldn’t just let my son have this for himself she had to have some too because, “well if you get some cash for just yourself I should as well.”

I’m annoyed that a gift that was meant as a special gesture for just my son to recognize his hard work as a father is not all going just forwards him. Women are always taught to treat themselves and it’s ok to do something for themselves. Why is it not ok for men to have a little something for themselves once in a while?

AIBU if I talk to my son about how I meant the gift to be just for him?

This is brilliant!

The language of these supposed conversations is like nothing I've ever heard in reality before.

Mum - "Honey, I'm so proud of the man you've become. I wanted you to treat yourself."
Son - "No, my darling mother. My wife and I are a unit; we live and breathe the same air. What's mine is hers and she's such a wonderful mother to my wonderful children that she's surely earned a spa day."
Mum - "But honey, she's merely the breeder. I wanted my precious boy to have a treat all on his own."
Son - "No, mummy dear. I love you so much but I love her too and I need you to understand we're a special unit, just like you and I will always be a special unit too."
Mum - sighs in passive aggressive fake dialogue and disappears

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie
I think you’ve found your calling in life! 😂

This does all read very similarly to that recent reverse about the WIFE who was the MOTHER OF HIS CHILD and they were MARRIED etc etc blah de blah. Hmmmmmmm…..

You know I was just thinking this, it was the “mom” in the sons supposed reply that made me thought of that mad reverse story!

Interesting how in the other thread though it was such a double standard compared to the responses we are seeing on here. It was ok in the other thread according to other posters for the wife to be left out of a concert that were going to celebrate her husband's birthday never mind the fact it was presented to her in her own home and announced by her MIL that everyone but her was invited. She got dragged so hard and called all kinds of nasty names for being hurt and upset and feeling excluded. Basically the premise was she felt like her MIL wasn't respecting that her son was no longer a primary member of that unit and now formed a new family unit with his wife and his mom was treating her husband like he still belonged to that family unit as if he was a child and the wife was upset. Here we have the same thing except it's not tickets for a concert it's financially she isn't treating them as a unit and everyone rightfully so is so outraged. But where was the same outrage when the wife was posting and her MIL was essentially doing the same thing?

The OP has been stripped down and is being reprogrammed for experimental lunar settlement.

Was thinking exactly the same thing. Double standards abound on MN. Totally bizarre.

This thread has left me kinda speechless.

By your own admission, you have a lovely DIL who clearly loves your son and is a great mother to their children/your grandchildren.

Yet you've gifted your son $600 that you literally expected him to withhold from those very people? Utterly WILD!

Well, that told you. He seems like a good man, a better person than you anyhow.

You have raised a decent, generous bloke & you are grumbling about it?

If he felt he needed or wanted a treat he'd have used the money for that, instead he's shared it thoughtfully with his family

He sounds very sane - congratulations on having a thoughtful and sensible son. You sound insane to have gotten so worked up about this that you actually went and tainted an otherwise lovely gift with your nonsense. You need to take a big big chill pill.

This must be a troll. I can't believe OP has been this awful

I agree. I think a drama queen who wants to keep goading . I am sure she is laughing at everyone and thinking up the next joke to plant here.

😂 Thank you, although I’m not quite sure what that might say about me! 😂

Oh dear OP, just seen your update... The fact he responded that way yet you STILL felt the need to 'explain' why you 'just wanted to gift him', is even worse! Have you heard the phrase: 'Read the room'?

When he said that, you should have just replied: 'You're right, I wasn't thinking, I'm glad you can all put the gift to good use.'

Going forward, you could buy him one of those ink stamps bearing the words 'MY SON' that he can use to stamp his forehead, so no one will ever forget he's 'MUMMY'S BOY'.

Honestly...

@BySassyUmberPeer nothing wrong whatsoever with giving just your son a gift. You did that and he chose to share it. His choice. I’d be even more pleased if I was you. You’ve raised a lovely man who cherishes his wife. Plenty of the arseholes you hear of on here wouldn’t have and the rest would have taken their girlfriend out with it. I say this as a very happily married woman with a lovely husband who would have done the same as your son and has done in fact. I have even told him not to share money and keep gifts to himself. Good for you raising a lovely man.

You treated him as an individual by giving the gift to him but he's an individual with the free choice to decide how to spend that gift, which he did. Not sure why you haven't grasped that.

Maybe next time if it's so important to you that DIL doesn't benefit from the gift, get something that you know DIL won't want or be able to benefit from (something you know he specifically wants, clothes for him, tickets to a football team she doesn't support etc)

Whenever I give cash to my son he spends it on his wife because he loves her and doesn't have much money of his own.
It makes me happy.

Unless you want to ruin your relationship with both of them do NOT say anything about the gift being "just for him".
Just say "You are welcome" and stop being ridiculous.

To the second paragraph I think that's absolutely awful advice to encourage her to purposely go out of her way to look for a gift that excludes her DIL. WTF!!

Even a better idea is that OP could stop being such an awful person that she has to go out of her way to make sure her DIL doesn't benefit. That's next level hatred right there and requires a lot of time on your hands. Hmm let me think of a gift I know my DIL can't possibly benefit from because as a hard working mother she doesn't deserve a break or something for herself only my precious prince of a baby boy does. Yet she claims she "loves" her. If only her poor poor DIL knew how her MIL really felt about the woman she has over to her home once a week and spends weekly quality time having tea with her knew how she really felt about her. If that was my MIL and I found that out how she really felt about me I would drop the rope completely and my husband can invite her over fine but I probably would never be alone with her again and I certainly would never initiate anything with her or facilitate any teas with her ever again.

I said this before and I'll say it again if she is like this towards a DIL she loves how would she act towards a DIL she hates?

Why don't you just give it to both of them as a couple?

So, you "couldn't hold back" and told your son you were "a little irritated" about him sharing his gift? I love your son's mature, considerate response to you (he must take after his father). I don't think you like your DIL one little bit - I just hope your son doesn't reward your spiteful, controlling meddling in his marriage with reduced contact with his little family.

What a wonderful son you have. He obviously doesn’t take after you so I have to assume it’s his father that has taught him well

😂😂😂