To walk away immediately from this

[Consoprize]

I met a man through a mutual group of friends. Let’s call him Chad . We’ve been seeing each other a few months, although nothing serious yet.

Chad and I are supposed to go on a trip at the end of november to see a concert. I have the tickets and hotel booking and he hasn’t paid his share yet.

Our mutual friends are throwing an engagement party in December. We were both invited. The engaged couple know we’ve been seeing each other. It’s not a secret.

An old flame of Chad’s is also going to the party. She is flying in from overseas. I know he hasn’t seen her since she left the U.K but they were casually dating before she left.

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

I have told Chad that that didn’t work for me, that I’m keeping the concert tickets and to not contact me ever again.

Chad wants to talk about it some more. Chad thinks he should be allowed more time to think it through. He feels I’m being pushy and giving him an ultimatum.

I’ve told Chad to shove it up his arse and the very fact he even has to think about it, tells me everything I need to know about how he perceives me. He thinks that’s unfair of me before we’ve even talked about it.

I don’t think IABU here, surely?

Well done OP. Its so refreshing to read this!

Same.

And I hope herself and OP meet randomly and hit it off wildly without realising initially who the other one is.

And while we are at it (because why not)

I also hope OP meets some smokin' hot amazing man who turns out to be her future DH. Maybe ex woman, new friend of OP will be the one to introduce them.

And this thread will be read out after the wedding speeches and all OP has to worry about is who is playing her in the romcom.

OP please don’t listen to the “cool girls” on here!

He’s clearly trying to appear single because he wants to shag her.

This is so funny.

I don't know why but the amount of times you said Chad pissed me off 😂

Well done tho, get him in the bin

Isn't it nice to get your revenge served warm. Enjoy the concert. Chad sounds like no loss!

Bloody hell! Fabulous to see a women shut down shit immediately, pushing back against him trying to dictate and knowing your worth. Good decision.

Dont try to gaslight OP in to thinking she’s in the wrong with your last sentence…

Another man apologist on MN ( what a surprise)

They have been seeing each other for a few months.

Their friends know they are together.

He wants to try to shag his ex FWB

Oh what a filthy fucker

You've done the right thing

The fact that he's badged this up as an ultimatum is telling.

I'd just text saying, no ultimatum, no hard feelings, just didn't work out, see you around.

YANBU - definitely walk away immediately - well done not falling for his BS.

How revealing that he genuinely thinks that he is owed thinking time and your decision about him being in your life is an ultimatum. Grim.

I read the OP then posted. Now I'm really enjoying looking forward to @Consoprize 's replies to the doormats on this thread.

Bloody wonderful! I love your self respect! Your self worth and your straight forward no nonsense fabulousness! Sod him right off. He is a user, if he cared about you or your feelings he would not be behaving like this. I really hope the ex casual fling laughs in his face and he sits in a corner on his own.

Even after all these years there are apparently still new lows for men to sink to.

He just wanted to be not in a relationship for the night in case he fancied a shag with someone else ? And was shocked when you didn’t readily agree ?

Lord above. I’m curious - If you speak to him again how would he feel with you having a free pass to do the same ?

What on earth are you talking about? You're distorting the whole OP to make silly points about YOU.

There's no way in hell I'd allow a man who I'd been seeing for months to deny me.

I dated a man in a somewhat controversial profession. As far as I was concerned thought we were exclusive then mid text convo one day sent me a print screen of a girl sending him horrible messages about what he does for a living on a dating app like “look what this girl has just called me!”. I responded and said “did you mean to send that to me” and he replied confused and was like yeah? What’s the issue?

He genuinely didn’t seem to see a problem in showing me screenshots of him talking to other people on dating apps the mind boggles with these people.

Get rid. What a dick.

@ThatWarmJadeSeal would you be so chill if your partner went off with his ex at the party where you were securely mingling?

Because that's what he's saying - that he might do that.

YANBU he's an arsehole x

Hang on.

You've 'been seeing each other a few months, although nothing serious yet'
&
'they were casually dating before she left.'

You and she are in exactly the same category. Two women he has casually dated. They stopped casually dating when she left, then he started casually dating you.

To me, this is exactly what dating should be for, and used to be for. Seeing multiple people until you wanted to commit exclusively to one of them.

Casually dating is not commitment, or even exclusivity.

If you like him, why not simply carry on casually seeing him, as you have been perfectly happy doing until now; while also seeing what happens between him and others, and between you and others.

You have been invited to this party as an individual, so go and have fun with whoever you might meet. You might get on well this old flame, for starters.

Trying to force the issue by assuming and demanding a commitment that simply isn't there, is, to me, artificial, irrational, counterproductive, a bit odd.

Posting as I see I this is a minority view!

I don't see that as being treated like crap. I'm at a party to mingle, not showcase my relationship. I would be surprised if I spend 50% of the time by his side, I'm chatting and dancing and things.

That's a lot different to don't come anywhere near me at all (not even 'less than 50% of the time') because there's someone else there that I might want to get off with. Would you be quite so cool with that?

Love this!

So do I. Go for it. Chad needs a lesson here - a big one.

But a friend of mine could beat your situation hands down. Her ‘DH’ of several years had an affair and asked for time to work out which of them he wanted to be with. He seemed astounded when she immediately started divorce proceedings. He also seemed upset when she moved on with her life, got a promotion at work, bought a new house and found someone else.

Sounds like you're not that bothered about him and know your worth so all the claps for that, OP 👏👏👏

If you're anything like me, you'll now be booking a good hairdresser/MUA and buying an absolutely killer outfit so you can march in there feeling a million dollars and show that twat what he's missed out on.

Petty? Yes.

The best excuse to splurge on yourself? Absolutely!!

An old flame of Chad’s is also going to the party. She is flying in from overseas. I know he hasn’t seen her since she left the U.K but they were casually dating before she left

I did wonder from this bit of the original post if the ex actually knows she is an ex, or if Chad has been even more economical with the truth than @Consoprize realises.