To walk away immediately from this

[Consoprize]

I met a man through a mutual group of friends. Let’s call him Chad . We’ve been seeing each other a few months, although nothing serious yet.

Chad and I are supposed to go on a trip at the end of november to see a concert. I have the tickets and hotel booking and he hasn’t paid his share yet.

Our mutual friends are throwing an engagement party in December. We were both invited. The engaged couple know we’ve been seeing each other. It’s not a secret.

An old flame of Chad’s is also going to the party. She is flying in from overseas. I know he hasn’t seen her since she left the U.K but they were casually dating before she left.

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

I have told Chad that that didn’t work for me, that I’m keeping the concert tickets and to not contact me ever again.

Chad wants to talk about it some more. Chad thinks he should be allowed more time to think it through. He feels I’m being pushy and giving him an ultimatum.

I’ve told Chad to shove it up his arse and the very fact he even has to think about it, tells me everything I need to know about how he perceives me. He thinks that’s unfair of me before we’ve even talked about it.

I don’t think IABU here, surely?

to be honest, the use of 'difficult situation' makes me think he's been carrying on 'talking' to her while she's been overseas.

His ex shagging partner left the country, maybe he didn’t know she was going to come back, so moved on (which is reasonable). I’m being generous, though. As a PP said, he might have been keeping in touch and either hoped she’d come back to him or considered them to be in some kind of long distance situation.
OP doesn’t seem like the kind of person who is happy to just shag around with someone who isn’t serious about her, so no, she’s not in an identical position to the “ex”.

Projecting much? I did not read in anything of what you said at all in the poster...

👏 👏 👏 GOOD FOR YOU. We should all be more like this. Value yourself and don’t make excuses for shitty behavior. 100% right.

well done OP 👏👏👏👏👏

Beautifully done. Applause! 👏

Your response is spot on.

Who dioes he think he is?

From dictionary of the manosphere:

Chads are the “ultimate alpha” – the ultra-masculine, virile, powerful and sexually attractive man to whom Stacys [attractive women] and other women flock.

Sounds as though that's the way this bloke and others like him see themselves, if he wants to keep various options open for sex and thinks this is a matter in any way up for discussion.

Chad will be easily recognised on this site because it's populated by MRA types and their enablers: the kind of women who love to tell other women they're being too harsh on the poor darlings, that they 'hate' men if they have some self-respect and require certain standards in a partner, and that they should just give sexually-incontinent males one more free pass because 'he might have depression'.

That was cathartic .... 😂

Bye, Chad.

Unless the woman is some kind of stalkery weirdo or you are all aged about sixteen there is no need for all this drama from Chad. I would not want to be involved with him just for that, and that he is essentially asking you to lie to his ex about your involvement. Suppose she did make advances to him and then found out you were dating? How humiliating for her and aggravating for you.

This.

Chad. 😂😩😂

Even if they end up together and live happily ever after, you dodged a bullet.

No one wants to be second best.

She's not a threat, he's the dumbo for wanting it both ways.
You can't be single and in a relationship.

Days of "it's complicated" are over.

His answer should have been, I'm with you now and ex is in the past.
If he still has doubts on his feelings then that's on him.
You're not responsible for his ex's feelings.

Oh bless you! That must have stung.

i had similar experience to you with a jokey question. I’d been cooking in the kitchen and gave him some to taste and he was super impressed and I said to him
”tell me again why you’re with me” and his reply was “because it’s convenient”

😱🤯

it took a while to sink in, I took a few days then ended it - after a meal to celebrate our year anniversary.

it hurt like hell, all of it, but it had to be done.

you’ve done exactly the right think @Consoprize

he is the loser in this. You’re worth so much more than fucking chad.

Yes, walk away. Sorry x

Sorry OP, you are a stopgap for him and you know this.

If he really felt there was a future together he would never have said this. He sees you as a casual fling with no long term commitment as he is still openly looking. And I think that is all you need to know really.

If you are content with a casual relationship as it suits you, then that is fine, but don't settle for it under any other terms. He is clearly saying to you and potentially your friends that you are not "it" for him, you are not enough, he is looking for more.

Again if you are content with a passing fling and stated the relationship on that basis (which it doesn't sound like you did), then that is fine, but do not settle for this under any other terms as you deserve more. And if you want more and he knows this, he is treating you very disrespectfully and he is simply not good enough for you! On this basis and for your own self-respect, walk away with your head held high... bear the financial cost on the concert/hotel and take a friend. Go to the engagement party on your own or with a mate, head held high, you have no reason to be ashamed - he is the one who wants his cake and to eat it too!

Wow!

Way to let you know he’s an arsehole up front. It’s almost a gift. That party would have been awful for you, he would have been awful for you.

You sound very very cool. Do men always remark on that too (while they are giving out about their wives and partners)? Is your own relationship history complicated but exciting because you refuse to settle like all the other dullards? Do you find you don't really get on with women as much as men because they are bitchy and jealous?

In the words of Ariana…Thank u, next !!

You have done the right thing

Op I don't think this needs to be said as you clearly keep your standards high but I wouldn't bother saying anything to the ex woman or him for that matter. It'll just feed his massively inflated ego.

I hope you have a great time at the concert / party and I'm sure someone great will be coming along to your life soon as we attract in what we put out.

I hope his ex turns up at the party with a new boyfriend

No I've been with the same man for 18 years. 2 serious relationships. I've always been the same. My parents interacted in a similar way with their partners.

He is a dickhead and a creep. Avoid and move on!

Your parents were swingers😊? They pretended to be single at parties in case they met someone they could sleep with?

I see. And we can assume if your partner said he wasn't sure if he was going to be with you or BE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN at a party you'd all be attending you'd be happy with that? I'm not surprised he's stayed with you for 18 years if he's allowed a hall pass every time there's a chance of him getting some action elsewhere.

He shouldn't have gotten into a new relationship if he wasn't over his ex, it's not fair on you at all