To walk away immediately from this

[Consoprize]

I met a man through a mutual group of friends. Let’s call him Chad . We’ve been seeing each other a few months, although nothing serious yet.

Chad and I are supposed to go on a trip at the end of november to see a concert. I have the tickets and hotel booking and he hasn’t paid his share yet.

Our mutual friends are throwing an engagement party in December. We were both invited. The engaged couple know we’ve been seeing each other. It’s not a secret.

An old flame of Chad’s is also going to the party. She is flying in from overseas. I know he hasn’t seen her since she left the U.K but they were casually dating before she left.

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

I have told Chad that that didn’t work for me, that I’m keeping the concert tickets and to not contact me ever again.

Chad wants to talk about it some more. Chad thinks he should be allowed more time to think it through. He feels I’m being pushy and giving him an ultimatum.

I’ve told Chad to shove it up his arse and the very fact he even has to think about it, tells me everything I need to know about how he perceives me. He thinks that’s unfair of me before we’ve even talked about it.

I don’t think IABU here, surely?

.

Life’s too short to be an option he’s treating you as if he’s approaching a buffet

YABU to have called him Chad because in my head he then never had a chance, no matter how the story had unfolded.

😂🤣😂

It is so odd.

If she refuses, he comes over to you and says what ? "Right babe, let's leave, she didn't want me?

Is that who he thinks you are?

😂

To me, this is exactly what dating should be for, and used to be for. Seeing multiple people until you wanted to commit exclusively to one of them.

To me this isn't what dating is about. I'm a dinosaur, but I don't think dating should be treated like a box of chocolates. Surely, you have a few dates with someone to see if you want to progress further, and if you don't you go on to the next one. I would hate to think I was one chocolate among many while seeing someone.

You obviously needed to get that off your chest 🤣 thank you for enlightening me obviously more imported nonsense I'm a bloke myself and I'm old school so I'd still use the word Gobshite for the Chads of this world 😉

My self worth isn't wrapped into my relationship with a man. I think that's the difference between us.

I don't see him saying that. I see an intense conversation as the OP gets more and more agitated wanting to know exactly how he will be interacting with her at a party in the near future and then her hearing what she wants to hear from his responses.

I hope you ever so casually let everyone know that you and Chad are no longer seeing each other, and why. So when he turns up at the party, everyone will think he’s a complete arse and he gets a taste of that humiliation. I’d also follow @NotOneOfTheInCrowd’s suggestion. Just to make totally sure that Chad’s evening doesn’t turn out quite the way he’s hoping.

No idea. They might have been. What I saw is that my mother and father were able to interact as full humans without leaning on their partners. You know like well balanced, fulfilled adults?? Probably not....

Yes this is how I'd live life too. Not trying to tie down any man from the first date into a frenzied drive towards marriage. It's all way too neurotic and full on.

🏆

You know if you did this at a party, people will think you have a personality disorder or at least are extremely toxic. Bunny boiler type.

Love that you did this Op, excellent backbone. Chad is bad.

Chad's a dick.

Aww Jade, chuck in a few more insults rather than any sensible points. It hasn’t occurred to you that it’s your approach that is slightly odd, has it?

Maybe Jade is Chad?

Why so defensive Chad? Sorry, I mean Jade? 😁

😂 I can assure you that I, like most adults, can mingle at social and work events alone.

I just wouldn’t tolerate a man I was seeing asking me to pretend I dont know him so he can see if he can get his leg over his ex!

but clearly you would - and that’s okay. Horses for courses.

but don’t pretend women who have standards are needy, pathetic losers.

Not defensive. Just speculating the same as you are.

You see, this is someone's engagement party, the ex could potentially be weird about the whole thing and our love triangle become centered on their special day. This is another reason I really wouldn't mind if we didn't use their social event to announce our relationship. Better just to keep our heads down and let the couple enjoy their night than insist on making it all about me and my relationship.

It's just how I've been raised. You know not everything has to be about me and mine.

I don't see he said pretend you don't know me. I see OP becoming irate that the ex is there, threatened, and wanting to make sure he will parade their relationship and him being like nah that's a bit vulgar. Her in his face, red faced, crying, will you dance with me? WONT YOU EVEN TOUCH ME?!?!?!?! And him being like wow. Okay. No.

See, if you’d said this in an earlier post, rather than being so rude and insulting to anyone with a different opinion, you might have had a better response.

But as an aside, the OP wasn’t intending to use the party to announce her casual relationship with Chad. Everyone already knows about it. She was just refusing to let herself be used as Chad’s Plan B, which is very sensible of her.

I did say that and actually, nobody other than the OP really has much place to expect anything from me or my replies. I'm replying to the OP's situation, not to satisfy other members of the site. At the very most, the OP has to find my post relevant..not even helpful. Your expectation that my posts should be to your liking is entitlement from you.

On many forums, you wouldn't even be allowed to critique the posts of other people replying to the OP. You give your opinion, clarify it or ask someone to clarify theirs. You aren't there to judge other people's advice.

Maybe stick to interacting with OPs and you won't get into these pointless interactions.

She isn’t even a proper ex. Just someone he was shagging. .

Presumably he thought the same was going on with you