To walk away immediately from this

[Consoprize]

I met a man through a mutual group of friends. Let’s call him Chad . We’ve been seeing each other a few months, although nothing serious yet.

Chad and I are supposed to go on a trip at the end of november to see a concert. I have the tickets and hotel booking and he hasn’t paid his share yet.

Our mutual friends are throwing an engagement party in December. We were both invited. The engaged couple know we’ve been seeing each other. It’s not a secret.

An old flame of Chad’s is also going to the party. She is flying in from overseas. I know he hasn’t seen her since she left the U.K but they were casually dating before she left.

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

I have told Chad that that didn’t work for me, that I’m keeping the concert tickets and to not contact me ever again.

Chad wants to talk about it some more. Chad thinks he should be allowed more time to think it through. He feels I’m being pushy and giving him an ultimatum.

I’ve told Chad to shove it up his arse and the very fact he even has to think about it, tells me everything I need to know about how he perceives me. He thinks that’s unfair of me before we’ve even talked about it.

I don’t think IABU here, surely?

Poor old Chad. This wasn't what he was expecting!

See Chad. You fuck around and find out!

Well done OP!

@SensibleSigma
👌🏻🙌🙌🙌 one of the best comments I’ve ever read on here 👏

OP . Well done 👏
only response to that !

please enjoy the concert and wedding.
plesse update us afterwards .

thank goodness for once a post where someone has had the brass balls to do the right blinking thing for one’s own sanity.

Good on you!!
chad can sing for his supper

Can you imagine his face if you did this?

No doubt he’ll have sent her a message to say his crazy ex is at the party

Chad can have her. You are gifting him back to her. She possibly won't want him, and will be flying back out from whence she came anyway, but that's the risk he's chosen to take.

If he doesn't know how he feels after a few months with you then he's probably never going to know. He'll keep on not knowing until he meets someone else and finally gains some clarity on the matter.

I have no time for this modern phenomenon of casual dating for months on end, followed by the 'exclusive talk.' I think it's a theory that rarely works in practise.

When you know you know, and you want that exclusivity to start pretty quickly. If one of you doesn't, then it's probably not going anywhere. When you fall hard for someone it rarely takes several months of dating for that penny to drop.

Which is what he thinks of your relationship with him and why he thinks it’s okay to behave as he did.

YANBU

I have no time for this modern phenomenon of casual dating for months on end, followed by the 'exclusive talk.' I think it's a theory that rarely works in practise.
When you know you know, and you both want that exclusivity to start pretty quickly. If one of you doesn't, then it's probably not going anywhere. When you fall in love you don't tend to take months and months of dating someone to realise it.

I couldn't agree more.

What is there to discuss? What is there to think about ?
He said it all by saying nothing

Well done OP

exactly
the op says the relationship isn’t serious
and quite clearly…. he also was under the impression that it’s not remotely serious or has a future

@Consoprize introduce yourself at the party as the woman who unwittingly kept Chad warm for her.

He’s all yours now and you’re welcome.
He’ll probably end up alone 😂

I have laughed at this...not because it's funny as such, but at the brass neck of the guy expecting you go on standby until he works out what his options are.
Absolute buffoon. Love that you sent him packing.

Totally reasonable on your part. Not wanting someone he used to date casually or otherwise to know he’s with someone else, and re-iterating to you that you’re “not together” tells you everything you need to know.

He doesn’t want her to know because he doesn’t want to put her off if there’s any chance she’s still interested. I’ve been through this myself, as have many of my friends - all lovey dovey with you until they find out an ex or someone else they fancy might possibly be interested and then suddenly it’s “we’re not together, I can do what I want” Er no thanks, bye!

what does the concert have to do with anything?

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

YABU and sound very insecure!

You’ve only been seeing each other a few months and you’re already questioning whether he’s going to go off with another woman.

If you feel this way about him already, then stop seeing him.

Why ask the question if you didn’t want him to answer it?

He says he doesn’t know how she’ll react and so keeping things on the low would be a good idea, considering it’s your friends engagement and it’s not fair that there is any drama.
It would be different if you guys were in a relationship or it was a different type of event.

As grotesque as that guy is, I'm amazed you hung around to watch this scene? 🤯

I would have been out of there the minute I saw them together. Guess you got more balls than me!

Good for you, OP! There’s no coming back from what he said. Let that be a lesson for him!

@mindutopia - wow that guy thought he was very special, didn’t he!? Glad you told him to shove it.

Well done for not doing the pick me dance. I'm surprised he's surprised though.

He might have been " just sleeping with her" but is that what she thought?
It might be that he knows there was more to it, and that she is going to be upset when she sees him with someone else, especially with no warning.

I guess you had reasons for asking this (doubts about his feelings) but in the future you should never ask ‘do you love me’ type questions. There’s evidence that they lead to unnecessary / unintended reflections.

Instead, you convey an attitude of how lucky he is to be with you. If you’ve been dating for months, then assume you’ll be sharing a room together.

But possibly even having to ask that question suggests that he wasn’t making you feel secure in the relationship.

YAS QUEEN! You tell him!

He’s shown you who he really is. What a weasel.

or that he truly did think that he and the op weren’t remotely serious