To walk away immediately from this

[Consoprize]

I met a man through a mutual group of friends. Let’s call him Chad . We’ve been seeing each other a few months, although nothing serious yet.

Chad and I are supposed to go on a trip at the end of november to see a concert. I have the tickets and hotel booking and he hasn’t paid his share yet.

Our mutual friends are throwing an engagement party in December. We were both invited. The engaged couple know we’ve been seeing each other. It’s not a secret.

An old flame of Chad’s is also going to the party. She is flying in from overseas. I know he hasn’t seen her since she left the U.K but they were casually dating before she left.

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

I have told Chad that that didn’t work for me, that I’m keeping the concert tickets and to not contact me ever again.

Chad wants to talk about it some more. Chad thinks he should be allowed more time to think it through. He feels I’m being pushy and giving him an ultimatum.

I’ve told Chad to shove it up his arse and the very fact he even has to think about it, tells me everything I need to know about how he perceives me. He thinks that’s unfair of me before we’ve even talked about it.

I don’t think IABU here, surely?

Bloody good for you OP. What an utter cock.

I've got a large sociable long-term mixed group of friends many of whom married off in our late twenties and early thirties. Over the following 8 or 10 years there were always some singles in the mix (me included) who sometimes became romantically involved. I saw this sort of shite happen a few times with people thinking they could have some bizarre casual on when it suited them, we aren't quite established yet so I'm not technically breaking rules bullshit.

I absolutely guarantee that a deluded self important idiot like this thinks the door is still ajar with you. He's already shown his ego is off the charts and he knows he will be running into you.

One guy tried it with me once - it wasn't another woman but a dinner date after we'd been having a dalliance he thought he could just cancel on the day with no apology and a vague we will do it another time - and he also got short shift from me followed by blocking on all lines of communication. It was a massive no from me forever but he definitely assumed we would be getting together properly in the future. It was a shame actually as we really did have great chemistry and shared outlooks on a lot but there was no way I was dropping my standards just because we had a mutual friend group. He persisted with his pursuit in a very odd way, "you know we are ending up together" crap pouring out of his mouth every time I saw him and to anybody else who would listen. I used to shake my head in disbelief; other people seemed to think we were still involved on some level but going slow or whatever. I had zero interest or intention of ever giving him another chance.

I know it was petty and immature but I so loved the experience of being at a party one night when I hadn't seen him for a couple of years (I'd been living abroad). I looked absolutely gorgeous, was having a great time catching up with everyone and just feeling so happy in general as it was a brilliant period of my life. Then I saw him spy me and pretend nonchalantly make his way around then when he said hi I stood up with my pregnant bump, and his jaw dropped to the floor.

You yourself said nothing serious
You can't have it both ways, don't act like a petulant child the next time and just have a grown up conversation

Wow! I can't believe some posters here actually think you're bu! Minority but still. No wonder men think they can treat women like shit when there are enablers like that out there. Chad wants to have an open playing field, good on you for letting him know your door is shut from now on. Wouldn't it be great if exw came with handsome man ignoring him? Can you bring a Nice looking date OP? It would just be perfect to see him sitting on his own while you and exw chat merrily with your handsome men standing nearby😁

He just wants to keep his options open, I think.

Tough. You're nobody's option. Tell him while he's making a decision about who to be with, you've already made yours and it's bye bye.

(You could even tell him how good it is of you to save him having to do any more thinking.)

I wholeheartedly agree. Check out @Pilliowformyknees above calling OP names.

Some people don't seem to realise that even before relationships are serious and committed that respect and consideration is essential.

Resentful much ?
You're not helping the OP in any way just showing you are still emotionally connected to this guy and want another chance with him but have gotten knocked up and are overrun with internal resentment that you cant

No he didn't say he didn't know how the other woman would react, he said he didn't know if he would be with her. There is an absolute world of difference.

Resentful much ?
You're not helping the OP in any way just showing you are still emotionally connected to this guy and want another chance with him but have gotten knocked up and are overrun with internal resentment that you cant

Eh??? Is that really what you're taking from Nigella's post?

Not that he thought he could have her doing the pick me dance and when she had high enough standards that she told him to do one he couldn't accept it? And that she enjoyed showing him without having to say anything that that ship had sailed?

Chad is a cheeky bellend and you're well shot of him. It's a good thing that this has happened so you won't waste more time with him.

What has soured your milk this morning?
There was no need for that.

Good on you for having standards and boundaries. Chad is a total wanker. His brass neck is impressive but obviously not in a good way

Oh dear god. Pretty much every claim you've made there is so ridiculous I'm not acknowledging them except I wasn't knocked up accidentally - and what a disgusting expression!!! Amazing that in reading only two posts of yours you have revealed such an ugly personality.

How did you get that, from that post ???

You've done the right thing.

Goodbye Chad.

Oh my god, just wow. The absolute vacuum he must live in in his head! What a dick!

Suspect Chad is built along this guy's lines, OP. At least you know who he is 'now', rather than later, and have kicked him to the kerb where he belongs.

Also, at the event where they're both present I'd wait until they're chatting and then stroll over and innocently ask him if the cream cleared things up 'down there' or did he need the antibiotics in the end? 😉

Bloody hell! How did you not point out to her he was two-timing both of you?

An OP with a backbone and self-worth, so good to see!

Can you update after the party @Consoprize ? Would love to know if you say anything to Susan!

You’ve only been seeing each other a few months and you’re already questioning whether he’s going to go off with another woman.

And she was right to question it given that was his plan.

If you feel this way about him already, then stop seeing him.

She did, she dumped him, and now he's whingeing.

Why ask the question if you didn’t want him to answer it?

She obviously did want the answer to the question, and now she knows, so she's dumped him.

Raise your standards. If this is the shit you put up with, you're a doormat.

No I just have a personality and presence aside from being my partner's lady

That’s mind-blowing. Can we get it printed on a t-shirt?!

Top observation

Chad’s going to end up a lonely wanker, full of regrets.

We can but hope...