Elderly neighbour feeding our cat

[EdgarAllenRaven]

We moved to a new area just under a year ago, and our cat initially struggled to settle as the new house used to have a dog living in it. He kept going into the neighbours through her back door.

It turns out that she keeps her back doors open every day so she can feed the birds and squirrels. She is an elderly widow.

However, now our cat barely comes home at all. I have been getting increasingly upset, distressed and furious, have sent her many messages asking her not to encourage our cat to go in.

She says she feels like a prisoner in her house if she closes her doors! Now I noticed she even has a litter tray!

She says she doesn’t feed him, but I’m pretty sure she must be as he is a huge Maine Coon and is no longer eating the same amount here. He seems to pop in here just to eat once in the morning and once in the evening, other than that I rarely see him.

What can I do? AIBU to send a formal letter?
I’ve told her in person how upset my kids are, they miss their cat. We’ve had countless conversations and text messages, she always blames the cat for rushing in!

She’s perfectly entitled to keep her door open.

Cats choose their owner. They have zero loyalty and don’t give a F. Be grateful he pops in

Its really shit of her, but I'm not really sure what you can do besides keep your cat in.

Cat stealing is so weird to me - there are SO many cats that need homes, but they have to take their neighbour's, because they can't see beyond the cute animal directly in front of them.

@SilverChampagne @Janedoe82 Surely it is not OK to start feeding your neighbour’s pet, to put out a litter tray, and allow them upstairs to sleep on your bed? It would never occur to me in a million years to do this if someone else’s pet was coming into my house.

Cats go where they want. In this case into her house. If you let your cat roam free, that's the risk you take.

It's called cat seduction

Keep the cat inside, at least for a few weeks.

You can’t force her to close her door.

It’s her cat now.

It has the option to come into your house, but it’s choosing hers 🤷🏻‍♀️
If it’s not an indoor cat you have no control over where it goes.

It’s not really shit of her!! She’s probably lived there for decades and now some new neighbours have rocked up in the last 12 months telling her to keep her doors shut. If she wants her doors open then that’s her choice and fuck all to do with you.

Buy some smoked salmon, posh tuna and a tin of Sheeba and try and lure the cat back by bribing it with food, love and affection.

Agree you need to keep the cat inside again for a few weeks. And cat proof your garden

Our next door neighbour's cat is actively looking for a new home. He's an enormous Birman who sees our tiny Tonkinese as standing in the way of his forever home. He will rush in at any chance. We never feed him or let him stay.

My son was talking to another neighbour across the road who said he'd done a doubletake when he thought his Birman cat had somehow grown enormous till he noticed the collar and realised his cat was asleep on a chair. The cat is obviously not that happy being ignored while living with a household of screaming kids and a very large dog. He is desperate for somebody to play with him a bit - he is very doglike in many ways.

Have you tried interacting with your cat with some cat toys? Making a bit of a fuss of him. I think your next door neighbour is a bit despicable to be honest. If she wants a cat, why doesn't she get one. I imagine if he got sick she wouldn't be paying vet bills and Maine Coons aren't cheap to acquire either.

Of course she can discourage him but she doesn’t want to. I think you should do a bit more of emotional blackmail with referring to kids but some people get more stubborn and less considerate with age so it might not help.

Our 2 doors down neighbours don't WANT the middle neighbours cat in their house... its still decided it's their home and keeps coming in, eating their food and sleeping on their furniture

Free roaming cats don't need encouragement to find a new home. They will have several homes in fact.

It's entirely possible you don't see it all day as they go from house to house, getting fed and played with.

You can't force her to close her doors

Probably prefers the quiet of the elderly animal lover’s home to one filled with kids, I’m afraid.

We didn’t feed our neighbour’s cat. He still came in and made himself at home.

One thing I have learnt about cats is it's THE CAT WHO CHOOSES where it wants to be.
He still comes to see you twice a day and is healthy and loved , see it like when your child has a great step parent .. extra love is never a bad thing right

The next time he comes in, keep him in for good and don’t let him get out again.
There really isn't another option.
Some neighbour tried to take my cat on as their own. They removed her collar and ID tag and put a different collar on her.
I kept her in as soon as she came back to me, for weeks, planning to never let her outside again.
"D"M didn't listen to me and let her out. I haven't seen her since. She and her brother turn 16 on the 5th. I have no idea if she's still alive. 2015 she disappeared for the last time.
She wasn’t microchipped but had been spayed and wearing an ID tag. Is your boy microchipped?
Bugger off to the PPs saying it's her cat now. It's not too late to get him back and keep him in his home because this mad woman is trying to steal him long term.

No, sometimes people just take collars and ID tags off, take them as their own and keep them in. As I said in my post. When that happens you have no idea where or what happened to your cat. It's awful.

Thanks for understanding and I’m so sorry that happened to you.
For the record, I have never asked her to close her doors. But I do find it hard it hard to believe that she has to keep them open in all weathers and seasons!
Also she has been seen calling him in, so she is not quite as innocent as she makes out in all this.

I guess I will have to keep him inside for a week or two.

We have free roaming cats; so far they seem to prefer being in our house though we also have nice neighbours. We are next to a retirement estate and we do think one of ours has made himself fairly comfy with some old person, but he does come back fairly hungry, albeit late, for supper. It is one of the things I worry about, as it happened to one of my childhood cats. The old lady came round to us demanding money for the food she gave him (expensive fish and fresh chicken, when we fed them from tins). No amount of reasoning with her deterred her, but she was very cross that she didn't get her money from us.

Keep him in for at least a fortnight, I'd say 6 weeks at minimum and reintroduce him to the garden as slowly as you can. When you do let him out again, buy some special titbits, a bit of salmon, fresh chicken - bribe him initially.

I don’t really understand this “Cats choose their homes “… surely there is also a rule that you do not feed other people’s cats? Or let them stay the night locked in your house?

He was perfectly happy living in our old house with my “noisy kids”, so I can only think it was the dog smell initially, but now it’s too late as he’s been encouraged to stay next door.
He used to always sleep on my daughter’s bed with her, she is distraught at losing him.

Thanks all for the advice, I will keep him in and buy nicer food!

Can you escape proof your garden? Build a catio for him?