Elderly neighbour feeding our cat

[EdgarAllenRaven]

We moved to a new area just under a year ago, and our cat initially struggled to settle as the new house used to have a dog living in it. He kept going into the neighbours through her back door.

It turns out that she keeps her back doors open every day so she can feed the birds and squirrels. She is an elderly widow.

However, now our cat barely comes home at all. I have been getting increasingly upset, distressed and furious, have sent her many messages asking her not to encourage our cat to go in.

She says she feels like a prisoner in her house if she closes her doors! Now I noticed she even has a litter tray!

She says she doesn’t feed him, but I’m pretty sure she must be as he is a huge Maine Coon and is no longer eating the same amount here. He seems to pop in here just to eat once in the morning and once in the evening, other than that I rarely see him.

What can I do? AIBU to send a formal letter?
I’ve told her in person how upset my kids are, they miss their cat. We’ve had countless conversations and text messages, she always blames the cat for rushing in!

Your cat obviously likes her better than you.

What are you going to put in the formal letter? Ask her to keep her doors shut?

She says she doesn't feed him and he's coming home for meals. And why would
an outdoor cat need a litter tray?

Or she might have a nice little cat flap installed.

You sound quite unhinged.

Do you know anything about cats? All our cats have gone outside but we still have a litter tray which they use fairly often.

Keep your cat indoors?

Our old next door neighbours were often having dinner parties and our cat used to get the choice bits of leftover salmon or chicken. Plus I found out only after it had been going on literally for years, that he was going next door early every morning for a saucer of milk.

No wonder he was usually on the portly side, but even our vet said you’ll never stop a cat getting assorted titbits elsewhere. Especially if, like ours, he had that ‘pathetic orphan kitten’ act down to a fine art - you know, a particular helpless little mew with one paw raised….

I’d never have an indoor cat, though.

Catio. He’s in the habit now. Our elderly neighbour did similar with a local cat. I told her it was not on, she was effectively stealing someone’s cat and she shouldn’t encourage it. (We had a very good relationship, she was like our mum, before anyone tells me I’m a terrible person).

To shit in? Obviously.

My cats come in to use the litter tray and then go outside again.

Cat proof fencing would be a long term alternative to keeping him inside.

keeping her windows open in all weathers and calling him is despicable. She’s going out of her way to attract your cat. I feel your anger.
keep him inside for a while (winter will be easier), make sure he’s microchipped

I can’t believe people are being so 🤷‍♀️ about cats. If she’s put a litter tray out and she’s feeding him than that’s awful of her.

OP you could point out that if she wants to see birds she doesn’t want a cat hanging around!

I have the opposite problem. Love having windows open - can’t because neighbors bully cat comes into the house at any opportunity!! I would to keep him out because he scares and attacks my cat

She’s clearly trying to steal your cat - and I bloody hate people who do this! There’s a huge difference between having a neighbour’s cat get in through an open window briefly and enticing a neighbour’s cat in, like this woman is doing. Why TF has she got a litter tray? Why TF is she actively calling your cat into her house?

I think you’re being too soft about it. I’d get a solicitor’s letter, like a friend had to do once when similar happened to her, stating the cat is yours and she has been seen actively enticing it in, providing it with a litter tray, etc, and any further such actions will be treated as attempted theft and you’ll be taking action against her for that and for the distress caused to your family.

She’s being sly and disingenuous. Of course she can keep her door and windows open (although I find it very hard to believe she’s doing that in this weather) but if your cat mistakenly enters her house, she should do what any normal person does and shoo it out. We once had a cat that visited every day, basically to eat our cats’ food. We could have just shaken more food out, but we didn’t. We shooed it out firmly, telling it that this wasn’t its house. It took quite a few goes, but eventually it got the message.

I can't believe someone is suggesting you send the boys around to threat her into silence as well!

Stealing a dog isn't the same. You have the physically steal a dog. A free roaming cat will just chose where to go. Even trying to discourage them doesn't always work

And suddenly forcing an outdoor cat to stay indoors is cruel. The cat will hate it and be grumpy and possibly even hurt your children if it feels too cooped up

You said
"She must be"
It's unreasonable for you to do our say anything with our proof x

As I am reading this I am watching mine dive under a neighbour's gate and as their back door is open she is probably now in there for her second breakfast.

I warned them when they moved in that she isn't a starving stray kitten. They did ask if it was OK to give her treats. She visits several other neighbours.

OP

There isn't much you can do. The only thing I can think of is to invent a medical condition that means your cat can only have special food from the vet.

And ask her to pay your vet's bills.

Your cat is unsettled after the move and has found a friend. Shes perfectly entitled to keep her door open. will definitely be giving it food
Most cats have several owners realistically. At least you know ow its safe and being loved

You cam try keeping it indoors for a few weeks but cats are laws unto themselves

Tell her he’s on special food prescribed by the vet and she mustn’t feed him because it would make him ill and your kids are really upset about how poorly he’s been.

She’s a weirdo to have got a litter tray. Cats generally prefer to go to the loo outside so she must be shutting him into her house to need a litter tray. She’s really mean to be nicking your kids’ pet 😔

I had a neighbour like this and what used to really piss me off is my cat has allergies. Everytime she fed him I had to go back to the vet to get medication. I ended up keeping him inside as I couldn't afford the multiple trips to the vet.
Tell her the cat has an allergy to see if that stops her (it probably won't), or cat proof your garden. You can get rollers at the top of your fence that stop cats climbing out. Or get a catio. She's entitled to keep her door open so the cat might still go in even if she doesn't feed him.

He'll need to become a house cat or you will lose him forever. Elderly old lady will be treating him like a King and it won't be long before you never see him again.

No point going down the legal route as no solicitor would risk the likes of shitty papers like Daily Mail picking up the story and doing their sad old lady story.

This happened to my DH long before I met him, crazy cat lady old spinster had kidnapped loads of cats in the neighbourhood. She died, SSPCA came and took all the cats away. By the time DH found out his cat was gone never to be seen again.

Cats are dickheads. He prefers it doing hers.

Upping your snack game might help but ultimately there's not a lot you can do except play the pick me game.

I'm hearing that in the voice of Papa Lazarou, from the league of gentlemen.

Well unless you keep him in there’s not much you can do, he is choosing her house over yours so presumably he is happier there. You absolutely cannot expect her to keep her doors
closed and it sounds like the both enjoy the visits equally. You could perhaps ask her not to feed him, say he’s had to go onto a special diet or something. But if she is lonely with lots of time to spare he may still choose to be with her, I would take that over a noisy house with kids. The point that he was happy in your old house is irrelevant, he’s found something he likes more so will always choose if he can

Surely a Maine Coon is an expensive indoor cat? Why on earth are you letting it out? I agree with others, you should keep it in or build a catio. I’m surprised it hasn’t been stolen.

One of my neighbours has a Bengal she lets out. Every time it doesn’t come home she’s on the Facebook page begging us all to go out looking for it. I’m sorry, no. Keep the damn thing in if you don’t want to lose it. Perhaps then I will also get a few days where I’m not picking cat shit out of my flower beds.