Elderly neighbour feeding our cat

[EdgarAllenRaven]

We moved to a new area just under a year ago, and our cat initially struggled to settle as the new house used to have a dog living in it. He kept going into the neighbours through her back door.

It turns out that she keeps her back doors open every day so she can feed the birds and squirrels. She is an elderly widow.

However, now our cat barely comes home at all. I have been getting increasingly upset, distressed and furious, have sent her many messages asking her not to encourage our cat to go in.

She says she feels like a prisoner in her house if she closes her doors! Now I noticed she even has a litter tray!

She says she doesn’t feed him, but I’m pretty sure she must be as he is a huge Maine Coon and is no longer eating the same amount here. He seems to pop in here just to eat once in the morning and once in the evening, other than that I rarely see him.

What can I do? AIBU to send a formal letter?
I’ve told her in person how upset my kids are, they miss their cat. We’ve had countless conversations and text messages, she always blames the cat for rushing in!

This is one of the risks you take when you let your cat out to roam. Mine all go out too and I know they go into other gardens and I've seen them playing with the kids down the street too.

If you don't want him going in her house anymore then it's on you to keep him on your property.

Gosh that looks like cat prison!
I’m not comfortable with squashing natural behaviour in pets but I understand it’s that or the risk of free roaming cats is they find somewhere quieter with nicer food than their home.
They’re absolute sods for this are cats, totally heartless when food and a comfy bed is involved. Your poor kids just be very sad OP.

I think people who encourage other people’s cats into their homes are vile. But almost every OP is right (not the one who said you should send the boys round to sort her right out - paraphrased)

If it is possible your cat has chosen a quiet home because you have children and she doesn’t, could you give him a place to go for some peace when he needs it. Somewhere you can keep your children out of. If not I think a catio is your only option

My parents have their doors open 95% of the year. Like the fresh air/watch the birds etc. Letting him in and shutting him in her house would be unreasonable, him coming and going in open doors and windows while being free to leave isn't her problem. Keeping your cat home is your responsibility, it's also possible that he has more than 1 2nd home and she isn't the one feeding him.
But even if she is, all the letters in the world won't achieve anything except causing neighbours strife. Just keep your cat inside your own house if it is thst important to you.
If you can't keep him in it is pretty unreasonable to think it is easy for her to keep him out!

Firstly, your neighbour is not being ‘vile’, she can keep her doors open as she wishes. Our elderly neighbours keep their back door open unless the weather is absolutely freezing.
as pp have said, cats are roaming animals. Ours is old now and chooses to stay in our garden but we have several local cats who stroll through and one who has perfected the art of creeping silently the cat flap for supper, and the occasional overnight on the sofa.

same thing happened with my two cats. My elderly widowed neighbour doesn’t actively encourage them in but they go anyway. It makes her happy, we’re fine with it. The cats still come home every now and then. We joke about it and say they live between the two houses. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don’t really care, everyone’s happy, including the cats

You can’t do anything about the neighbour’s door being open but you ask them not to feed your cat? My friend had this situation and she explained the cat was on medication and needed to take it with her food, she exaggerated quite a bit but it seemed to work.

1. it’s not conflict it’s stealing
2. after the conversation that would take place there’s no way that nice little old lady would be ringing the police
3. if by some freak chance she did just deny all knowledge.

and yes when random cats come in your house you chase / throw the fuckers out till they stop coming. Cats aren’t stupid

How pathetic to not be able to stop an animal coming into your home. Jesus

@Pleasebeafleabite'after the conversation that would take place there’s no way that nice little old lady would be ringing the police. If by some freak chance she did just deny all knowledge.'

Vile.

Happens many times though. She can't stop the cat going in and you can't make her close the door. Nowt you can do about it!

Her door is open. He's not knocking and she lets him in!

They are all the same...

People saying legal proceedings and the neighbours is being awful. How ridiculous!

OP's cat goes in neighbour's house. Neighbour doing nothing wrong.

Leave the poor woman alone and make your home a place where your cat wants to be OP!

She's "elderly". Of course everything she does is wrong. When she's out, put a lock on the outside of her windows. That'll show her. Make sure your cat has no assess to a screwdriver, thought.

Take no notice of the cats choose their owners crap. I’m sure if someone was stealing a dog like this people would be up in arms. Definitely keep the cat in for a while or invest in a cateo.

YANBU OP. She can keep her doors open if she likes, but she should absolutely NOT be feeding your cat, putting out a litter tray for it or doing anything else that might entice it to stay in her house! My neighbour's cat came into our house a couple of times when they first moved in and I shooed it out again. Cat stealers are the pits. I'd send her a legal letter ordering her to stop feeding your cat and providing cat things in her house. She is welcome to feed the wild animals, but she is clearly going out of her way to buy cat food and litter and entice your cat into her house. Theft is illegal.

I'd be worried about health damage if someone else was feeding my Maine coons as they are big cats that really need a decent high protein food, not a supermarket offering.

She must be aware that he's not an ordinary moggy just by his size. Could you speak to her about his different food needs? Maybe ask her to feed raw, that could be offputting.

I could see this happening with my boy as he's is the soppiest attention seeker going. It is unusual for Maine coons to be allowed to roam although like you it's the choice I make for mine. I think if this situation arose I'd cat proof our garden perimeter to keep them in the garden. Couldn't bear to confine them to a catio as they love being out. The other thing you could try alongside food needs is showing her his papers as that demonstrates a level of official seeming ownership.

If you just have one Maine coon it's very possible he'd be happier with a cat friend and I'd consider getting a second but that's a high risk strategy as the arrival could cause him to decamp entirely.

Cat proof your garden, problem solved

Legally, it's her house, she's free to have a litter tray, open her doors, put bowls of cat food in her house and garden etc. While you can ask her to alter her set up you really can't force her. The onus is on the cat's owner to control their animal if they aren't happy with where it goes durong its 'outside' time.

You can ask the neighbour to help you though and it'll be far better to keep her on side and friendly. Perhaps saying that sadly you are going to have to shut the cat in permanently if he keeps going 'missing' for so long and maybe agree that daytime (when your daughter is at school) is OK but by teatime he needs to be in your house.

Ultimately though, if your cat doesn't like your household (as much as it likes being outside /visiting the neighbour) then you either need to make home a more welcoming place or force the cat to stay inside.

Cat proof your garden. That is really all you can do I am afraid. Keep him in.

Well, it's November now. She'd have to be barking mad to keep her doors open all through winter.

Parts of Australia now insist that all cats must be indoor cats to protect wildlife. I think it would be really hard to turn a cat used to their freedom into an indoor only cat. Certainly, keeping your cat indoors for a minimum of a week will help them remember where home is.
I had some neighbours who moved abroad. They rehomed their cat with friends three doors down. Once new people had settled into the cat's old home, the cat moved back in with the new owners. I don't think they had wanted a cat but it was determined to live there and after a while everyone gave up and accepted the cat's choice of home.

She can leave her door open obviously, but she should shoo your cat away when she finds him in her house, not feed him regularly, provide a litter try and encourage him. These weirdos do it because they want a cat without the responsibility of the vet bills.

Cats choose where they want to live. Your cat probably prefers the peace and quiet of a house with an elderly lady, to a house with children.

I would go knock. Tell her his vaccinations are due and has she got x amount.... If she says no tell her because he is your dcat and you therefore have funds to own him. Police recognise trying to steal someone's dcat is now an offence... She is trying to steal your dcat. Report her. Old lady or not. Plenty of other dcats she can choose to own. From a shelter like everyone else does.