Elderly neighbour feeding our cat

[EdgarAllenRaven]

We moved to a new area just under a year ago, and our cat initially struggled to settle as the new house used to have a dog living in it. He kept going into the neighbours through her back door.

It turns out that she keeps her back doors open every day so she can feed the birds and squirrels. She is an elderly widow.

However, now our cat barely comes home at all. I have been getting increasingly upset, distressed and furious, have sent her many messages asking her not to encourage our cat to go in.

She says she feels like a prisoner in her house if she closes her doors! Now I noticed she even has a litter tray!

She says she doesn’t feed him, but I’m pretty sure she must be as he is a huge Maine Coon and is no longer eating the same amount here. He seems to pop in here just to eat once in the morning and once in the evening, other than that I rarely see him.

What can I do? AIBU to send a formal letter?
I’ve told her in person how upset my kids are, they miss their cat. We’ve had countless conversations and text messages, she always blames the cat for rushing in!

😂 This is so funny. Honestly,

word for word my situation a few yrs back.

You can’t do anything about this other than keep your cat inside your house.

I once had a kitten who went missing for around a week, I was bedside myself. Eventually discovered the pub next door had been encouraging him with ham sandwiches ! They also told me that he had been unwell and they had taken him to the vet - I was horrified, and completely livid ! My phone number was on his tag and they didn’t even call me. Some people are just so selfish and thoughtless.
Keep him in for a few weeks. Get your carpets shampoo’d if possible (you may not be able to smell the previous owner’s dog, but your cat can). Try some Feliway spray. Lots of love, fuss and special food / treats - plus create cosy, calm and quiet places for beds so he can escape the kids when he wants to chill. Finally, get a special warning tag for his collar, saying ‘DO NOT FEED ! ON MEDICATION’ (or something…I’m sure these exist already?). Then tell the neighbour he has a condition which requires a highly specific medicated diet, otherwise he will die.
By then, with any luck your cat may have forgotten about his other home ! I really hope you get this sorted as it’s just horrible when something like this happens.

I’m so sorry.
Cats do have a reputation for moving house, it’s usually to an older person who is feeding them roasted chicken.
I would be so devastated if this happened to me, I adore my cat and she adores me. But I do have to go to work etc, so if someone else tried to seduce her throughout the day it might just work.
But I’d be very angry and I’d keep her for a few weeks and feed her all her favourite treats and snuggle her rotten.
Two can play that game old lady.

Our cat was being fed by a neighbour for months before she asked us if he was ours one day. Once I had the kids he would bugger off and sleep on her sofa in the day, and then come home for dinner and to sleep in my bed with me at night. She opened her door and the cheeky fucker was sat curled up on her sofa. We wondered how many other houses he was visiting as well. We just left him to it though as he seemed happy and still came home most of the time. Then her cat would come to hang out with him at our house which was brilliant as it meant I had a kind of step cat too.

They are funny creatures, and as frustrating as it is you can't demand she keeps her doors shut. Maybe tell her he's on a special diet and needs prescription food to see if it puts her off feeding him.

Does she shut him in with her though, as I can see why she would need a litter tray if he's an outdoors cat.

‘Dear neighbour. I understand why you might not want to or feel able to keep your doors closed, but I need to ask you again to please not feed my cat. Also can you please use whatever means necessary to discourage him from staying. Here are a some things you could use as a deterrent (you may want to offer to provide something). My children are very upset at the loss of their cat. I must also say if you are encouraging him in I consider that theft and may have no other option than to involve the Police’. The police are unlikely to intervene but it might be enough to frighten her into making more effort.
If that doesn’t work I’m afraid it’s either keep him in or get used to having a part time house guest.

Keeping him in should be the first thing, not secondary to threatening the neighbour with the police!

Also the OP putting in her own deterrents like cat proof fencing.

This is a problem of her own making.

She definitely shouldn’t be doing what she’s doing. She sounds quite lonely though and your cat choosing to come into her house is probably making her feel good. Can you try befriending her and inviting her round for coffee occasionally? You might find she is a good neighbour. And once you are on friendly terms she will be less comfortable with stealing your cat. Plus she will be less lonely and might not have the urge to anymore. Otherwise I think the only option is to keep him in.

I don't feed my neighbours cat - he still comes in and makes himself at home, he eats at every other cat house on the street, and then goes home every once in a while.
We all have litter trays because the little shit will happily shit in whatever house he's in litter tray or no litter tray.
You can't force your neighbour to close her door, and you can't force an outdoor to be loyal.

1. So you're totally ignoring everyone who's saying that even if you don't feed them if they're comfortable with you they'll come back?
2. Why did you have to go out and buy cat food and cat things? If you have a car surely you should have already had all those? Give the cat to the neighbour - you've clearly been neglecting it.

I think we’ve found the NDN

Shut him in for 2 weeks and feed him really good stuff. Like chicken, fish etc. not all the time, just bits. Because all the cat thieves I’ve known feed cats stuff like rotisserie chicken and roast beef.

Not unless 40 is classed as elderly now! Plus I have my own cat thanks very much.
And to make sure "not my cat" doesn't eat my cats food (like he does at all the other cat neighbour houses) I lock her in to eat.
It's quite funny, when I first moved in I thought he must not get fed at home, because he walked into the back door and proceeded to eat my cats food. Then I watched him walk out proud as punch jump my fence. But having spoken to people on my street he's quite well known for walking in and eating not only any cats food, but any food at all!
He's well loved and well fed at his home too, he does go home to his house every night though. I guess some cats are just like that.
I just couldn't cope with him taking a shit in my kitchen (according to other neighbours he does it regularly because he doesn't like shitting outside)