Left DP at pub to get home on his own

[Confused2691]

DP and I spent this afternoon (from 3pm) at our nearby friends. We had our 4m DD with us. DP and friends drinking, me not. We live at the end of a single track lane basically in the woods so have to drive everywhere, including the friends from today 10/15 mins away.

At 6pm we all walked to the local bonfire and fireworks. Got back to our friends village at 8.30pm. DP then told me he wanted to go for dinner and some more drinks at the local pub. Given it had been a long day for DD, past her usual bedtime and hadn’t slept much I said no, explaining why to DP and that we should go home. DP refused, saying he wanted another drink. He offered to not eat and just have a drink but I again repeated we needed to get home for DD who wasn’t very happy. He again said he wanted to stay so I said fine but I was going home in the car and he would have to find his own way home if he stayed. He said fine, he’ll walk. I left with DD.

The walk will take an hour at least and none of which on pavements. Both ways include walking down a main road with no pavements or streetlight. He could try a taxi but unlikely to get one at this time as we’re not in the big town. For background context, I always try to make an effort to pick him up if he’s out with friends drinking and I’m with DD at home. However he has been insensitive in the past such as refusing to make alternate arrangements for transport after a wedding when I was 10 days PP so I had to pick him up at 2am.. I hadn’t driven yet as was nervous to drive with baby and had an infected episiotomy so was still in pain driving. There is nothing other than the additional cost stopping him from booking a taxi, he has before, but he doesn’t. I think I need to put my foot down as he keeps taking advantage of me being a people pleaser. I’m also annoyed he couldn’t understand that our baby DD needed to go home.

That said, he thinks I’m being unreasonable so maybe I am. What do you think?

P.S he has just messaged asking me to pick him up! Currently feeding DD.

@NeverAgainNelly the reason why the OP wanted him to go home with him is because she knew that he would be hassling for a lift even though he said he wouldn't.

No I disagree.

It does not take both parents to put a baby to sleep.

As long as this isn’t a regular occurrence, then it’s fine for DH to go out with his mates every now and then.
Just like it would be ok for OP.

If either of them want to go out, they should be allowed to but it’s on them to get themselves home.

OP was there because she took parental responsibility. The father wasn’t there because he didn’t. Parents have to take responsibility for childcare. And a parent having time away from a baby to socialise needs to be discussed and agreed rather than assumed or taken for granted.

Personally last night I wasn’t expecting him to come home and look after baby, he was bit drunk and she just needed to be changed, fed and go to bed. I told him we needed to go as I was driving and baby needed to go so, as we had gone as a family, I expected us to leave as a family. He wanted to stay out and said he would walk home which I accepted. He then contacted me to pick him up again and is annoyed I did not.

I am not annoyed about him staying out, just the continued expectation that I will always pick him up with DD when there are other options available if he actually arranged them. He is well aware of this.

She didn't say he needs to go home at all.

She said he would need to .ake his own arrangements home.

She has a 4 month baby.

Have you had the awfulness of seeing baby, yourself on colder nights. To be forced to get unsettled then into the cold just to pick someone up who could easily get a taxi?

It's not pleasant. Not something a loving h
Father would do.

Ifs nothing to do with him Staying out, it's the pressure he puts on op.

That poster has already said he needed to find his own way back and it’s not OP’s problem.

Have you read the post? No.

Because your argument has nothing to do with what op has said

She has no problem with him going out, it's him asking her to wake up 4 month baby, get themselves both ready to go into cold, kn cold unheated car..

When he could get taxi home

So.... how is op wrong and Mr is right in this please?

Why shouldn't he get a taxi, please explain your thinking.

Without any discussion or agreement?

or he could’ve been amazing, ordered a delivery takeaway, go to shop as they’re going to his house anyways and got him and OP a nice hot meal after baby is settled and sleeping.

but he chose to be a dick . YANBU

@Autumnalsun but the OP isn't upset he stayed out, she's upset that he is hassling her for lifts when drunk and got angry about it.

At least he now knows you're not his personal taxi service. He's got a lot of growing up to do.

I said no, explaining why to DP and that we should go home. DP refused, saying he wanted another drink. He offered to not eat and just have a drink but I again repeated we needed to get home for DD who wasn’t very happy. He again said he wanted to stay so I said fine but I was going home in the car

Read the OP.

OP told him no and that he needs to go home at least twice.

She then allowed him to stay out, as long as he got himself home.

She should never have said no in the first place.

She should have said, she’s taking DD home and if he wants to stay out then he’ll need to get his own way back.

None.

You havent explained why he shouldn't be getting taxi home, which is the issue.

Explain that part please, why baby and should be going out late in cold when baby should be asleep.

As I said in my post that you quoted (if you actually read it), was that it’s fine for either of them to go out but it’s on that person to get themselves home.

Where have I said he shouldn’t get a taxi?

I’ve never said he shouldn’t get a taxi.
Where are you getting that from?

I said it’s on him to get himself home.

And that I would never mess up my baby’s routine picking someone up.

Don't see what your problem With op is then.

Op ignore these people, they are obviously trolling you unfortunately.

I hope you don’t pick him up today either and make the point he goes out he gets himself home start as you mean to go on.

@Confused2691 why are you pandering to this total bullshit?

You have a daughter now. You need to role model self worth for her sake. It’s lovely that you want to please people in your life but there’s a fine line with being a total walkover.

You’re there and he knows it.

Just the description of being in pain after birth but still driving him tells me he’s a selfish bastard and you need to raise your bar and work on boundaries.

Are you ok?

You’re literally just making stuff up and saying posters have said them.

I’ve not once said he shouldn’t have got a taxi or have got a problem with OP.

I said either of them should be allowed out as long as it’s not a regular thing and she shouldn’t pick him up.

If he wants to stay out then he needs to get himself home.

Perhaps you’re just one of these that like to derail the thread by trying to start an argument between posters.

There are several posters who start calling posters trolls or men to either create an argument or because they have a different opinion to them.
It’s weird.

Sadly you have a partner who needs to grow up now you have a baby but he still sees himself as a single male who likes to drink.He doesn’t even imagine why you wouldnt go out again in the cold damp air with a young baby who is asleep late at night.Sorry you have this to deal with just make it clear you are not turning out late at night.Hopefully he will mature.

“She should never have said no in the first place”.

Why? Because it’s assumed a mother should take responsibility for looking after a baby while the father opts out on a whim, without agreement?

She didn’t ‘allow’ him to stay out. He chose to do it.

People choose to become a parent. With it comes parental responsibility.

He needs to grow up. Stand your ground OP or he will expect you to taxi him about all the time

You're weird defending misogynistic behaviour lol

You must have low Barr if you think op is wrong

They must have really low barr of what is acceptable in relationships.

No point in trying to get them to see ops side, to far engraved in patriarchal nonsense