Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

[Grewnaxre]

toddler lives with one parent. That parent works from home mostly with flexibility. They can take holiday and toddler is in full time nursery.

the other parent travels to see toddler at weekends (not local to other parent) and arrives at 9am Saturday and leaves after toddler gone to bed on Sunday. During this time the resident parent is not involved or is involved very little in parenting.

Posted too soon!

non resident parent travels back to their home and works full time, finishes at 5pm.

Every weekend? Or some weekends?

Looks about equal. I say this because resident parent has the slog of the full week morning, evening and overnight.

Equally non-resident parent never gets weekends off.

Both equally hard.

That's not really co-parenting, at least not according to my understanding.

I'd say co-parenting is when you are both taking an equal share.

Why do the parents live so far apart?

I would say the resident parent misses out on the ‘fun’ and chilled weekend time with toddler, and is stuck with the feeding/bathing/sleeping cycle. That’s hard. Props to them for keeping working.

One parent has 2 days full care and 5 evenings free.
The other does 5 or 6 mornings and evenings and has 2 free-ish full days.

The first parent has more flexibility in life but less truely free time.

@JayEffSee so if it’s not equal who has it easier in your opinion?

Resident parent has it harder unless the house is so large that toddler is unaware that resident parent is at home. Does resident parent so normal adult stuff like go out with friends etc alone ? Does NRP buy food, pay for entertainment, clean up mess like the dishes and do housework like child’s laundry at the weekend ? Do they take child to parties and go out with child at all times ?

@TickingAlongNicely so far it’s been like this every weekend for 1.5 years

About equal I’d say. One has every weekend easy and one has every week day evening to themselves plus none of the morning rush to get toddler ready.
This will flip as child gets older and more fun though. For a primary age kid the parent who has them at weekends will have the better deal.

They can take holiday this is a really random thing to include in the equation.

@Snorlaxo non resident parent usually takes toddler out for full day then does meal times and bedtime

I’d say setting up a “who has it harder” competition is not a useful dynamic for coparenting.

Both positions sound like they have difficulties and I would wonder how sustainable these arrangements are in the medium-long term - surely parent A wants a weekend themselves with their child sometimes? And it sounds like parent B ends up staying in parent A’s house every weekend?

Yeah I agree it's a bit of a shitty position to start from really

When does the resident parent gey to have fun with their child? Kicking autumn leaves, going to a cafe, playing poohsticks?

The parent who has the child Monday to Saturday morning sees more of their child.
I suppose they are doing more of the hard work as in taking their child to and from nursery, taking time off work if the child is ill.
The other parent sees the child all day Saturday and Sunday though, so they are doing their bit. Plus they are working the rest of the time.
I suppose on balance it is a good arrangement.
Don't think you can start but picking over who does the most, unless one parent is unhappy with the current arrangement.

I think overall the weekend parent has the easier role here because:

They get 6 nights of undisturbed sleep a week, 6 mornings where they don't have to get up at the crack of dawn with the toddler etc

Their work is never disrupted by toddler - in my experience toddlers are off nursery a lot

They get 6 evenings a week they can go out and socialise without needing a babysitter

They can go away for almost a week for a child free holiday - the most the other parent can do is a one night weekend break

Every weekend must be really tough for the resident parent. When do they chill with child and do stuff like take them to grandparents ?

Absolutely, and you just have to hope that the toddler isn't aware of this 'who has it harder due to you' mindset.

Is the non resident parent just looking after the child on those two days or are they taking a share of all child related tasks, so doing their washing, buying clothes when required, cooking all meals. I’d say the resident parent has it harder overall from what you’ve put

I agree with this. Such an unhelpful and negative mindset!

Roughly equal. I’d assume you’re the new partner of dad who is the weekend parent?

A bit of it is going to depend on the child.

My toddler loves nursery. Only goes twice a week but those days are pretty easy, parenting wise, we get up, quick breakfast, out the door, then he's there all day, comes home happily from nursery but tires quickly so quick tea, play and bedtime.

Non-nursery days and weekends are harder, because you have to entertain him all day, and weekends are especially tough because everywhere is full of older kids and more expensive.

In this case, one parent deals with that, the other gets the days... I'd be sad not to get the better, fuller days with my toddler, even if they're harder work and take more energy.

I wouldn't want to be either parent in this situation.

Resident parents weekday evenings tired nursery child, all the sick days etc, and then the nrp in their home for the weekend- every weekend but not able to spend quality time with the child. This will become harder once the child is school age.

Nrp gets the drive, 'camping out" each weekend, no down time with family etc.

And tbh I don't think it's fair on the child either unless they are very high needs toddler which doesn't come across.

I'd say the resident parent has it harder but it's a close and irrelevant call.

Let me guess: non resident parent is saying that resident parent should take over one of the weekend days, to give them each a ‘day off’