Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

[Grewnaxre]

toddler lives with one parent. That parent works from home mostly with flexibility. They can take holiday and toddler is in full time nursery.

the other parent travels to see toddler at weekends (not local to other parent) and arrives at 9am Saturday and leaves after toddler gone to bed on Sunday. During this time the resident parent is not involved or is involved very little in parenting.

Why does it matter who has it harder? Does this even work for the kid? No days off with resident parent at all, sounds crap.

Who does the washing, dr, dentist, sickness days, paying nursery bills, dressing them in red for some random nursery theme, organising paydays, rsvp to kids parties, clear out of what clothes fit, buying stuff for new seasons. If resident parent is doing all that stuff too I'd say they have more of the drudgery load. I don't much enjoy weekdays as it's a rush to get to nursery, then the evening is a rush to get them fed, clean and in bed after work. Then it's clearing up after they're in bed, prep for tomorrow, then time for bed for the parent. I think resident parent is missing out on the weekend fun.

there are 168 hours in a week. the resident parent has responsibility of the child for 134 hours of the week. even if in full time child care this parent needs to be on call for illness appointments and all the soft responsibilities that go with having a child; cleaning up, clothing maintenance, and providing a healthy environment when not in child care (which at the most is 12 hours per day x5 so 60 hours).
the non resident parent is responsible for a joke of 36 hours.
so 168-36=134 minus the day care max leaves the resident parent with 74 hours of responsibility vs 36 hours.
but as i mention even when a child is in full time child care there are still caring needs that have to be met.

This sounds exactly like my exH’s reasoning- he thought throwing money at the issue was enough, forgetting that I was the one who had to buy the food, make the meals, change the beds, wash the clothes etc. He thought he could buy himself out of parenting.

OP I’m guessing you’re the NRP’s new partner?

Sounds like resident parent gets stuck doing all of the tedious and soul destroying parts of parenting with non of the fun parts.

And the non resident parent gets to be Disney parent (albeit sacrificing their social life at weekends, but that doesn't stop them from socialising during the week when they don't have any parenting responsibilities.)

I wouldn't say one is harder than the other but the resident parent has a bit of a crappy deal imo.

Do you have a children, OP? Because you are looking at this in terms of "time off" which isn't really what parenting is all about. You are never "off"

I think resident parent has it harder but neither parent has an ideal situation.. ideally both should have some weekend and weekday time

Exactly! That's the whole point!

This is a child we're talking about. Not some point scoring competition. I was merely looking at it from pedantic point of view.

Who has it harder?!? What about "what arrangement is best for our child?"

Sorry to clarify in terms of whether non resident buys food on their days etc, non resident pays child maintenance, what they have to plus another 250 on top and will bring various bits at weekends like wipes or nappies for the days out

And they take a bag of laundry with them and put it through a machine at the laundrette? Sort out hair cuts? Buy new shoes and swim gear? Or does the RP have to squeeze that in in the week?

This doesn’t sound like a very fair set up. Having zero child free weekend time for one person and then zero child responsibilities for the other parent at the weekend seems a bit extreme. I get the resident parent has more of the day to day slog, but I don’t think this is a fair set up in terms of actually useable leisure time (ie being able to see friends etc at the weekend or do things for fun when not exhausted after work)

this also made me laugh - the RP has responsibility for the child on the weekends - pre-9am (so that's a good 3 hours in my house) and after bedtime (when they are on-call, so can't actually do anything)

The idea that zero (not that it is) child responsibilities at the weekend somehow balances out zero (which it actually is) child responsibilities for the rest of the week (which RP has to combine with work, whereas NRP only has to work) is mad.

I do agree that this should change - and I agree with PP that the NRP taking responsibility from Friday nursery pickup to Monday drop off every other week would probably be better - assuming they can't take up any responsibility during the actual week that is. Along with some agreement that if the child is ill, then they are responsible for Monday too/RP responsible for Friday. (ie. no travelling with a sick child)

Obviously this depends on their salary but this is unlikely to be an extraordinary contribution financially. Nursery alone for an under 2 is likely to be £300 a week (assuming use of tax-free childcare)

The non resident parent doesn't seem to ever have the child at theirs so also has lower costs - doesn't have to have a house with space for them, kit out a room, buy clothes/food etc.

Who are you in this situation op?

So many flaws in this post, your brain doesn't work very well does it?!?

Yes OP, only polite when you post.

It all sounds shit

NRP has it way easier.
I'm a lone parent and the weekend shift is always easier, less routine, less time pressure, less work pressure fitting everything in.

Sounds awful for the resident parent.

All the weekday juggling and stress with no chilled leisure time with DC at the weekends and wow they get a Saturday night off to go out if they wish.

Yes, especially for the poor child stuck in the middle of it.

NRP has it far easier. Not having to juggle a child and work makes for a very easy week. Plus NRP can go out every night of the week with no concerns. No mental load. No laundry, no doctors appointments, no food prep, no rushing to and from work for nursery drop off/pick ups or juggling work if child is sick/call from nursery to pick up sick child.

RP is a parent 24/7. Full responsibility for child's home environment. For a wild guess laundry and prep for the child's week ahead is done at the weekend when child is with NRP.

This sounds like a very unfair co-parenting situation.

🤣🤣🤣 you missed the point. See other post.

Nothing about this is a helpful attitude. Why the question? What argument has arisen around the entirely petty question as to has it easier?

When I try to @ the OP, I can't find the name. Does that mean s/he's deregged?

@Grewnaxre - it works for me.

But she has probably left anyway after being told her boyfriend isn't amazing for looking after his child for a day and a half a week.

Sorry, but I think I’d reduce nrp’s visits to every other weekend. When does rp ever get time to do nice weekend stuff with the toddler? And is the nrp staying in the rp’s house every weekend? How on earth can either parent ever move on?

True @kiraric

See, that worked. Weird.

Oh it was a joke? Good one.