Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

[Grewnaxre]

toddler lives with one parent. That parent works from home mostly with flexibility. They can take holiday and toddler is in full time nursery.

the other parent travels to see toddler at weekends (not local to other parent) and arrives at 9am Saturday and leaves after toddler gone to bed on Sunday. During this time the resident parent is not involved or is involved very little in parenting.

Resident parent has it easier.

They get to work whilst child is at nursery then no parenting responsibilities at the weekend! Free all evening once child is in bed (so 8pm til 10pm) so 6 x 2 hours plus 10 hours both Saturday and Sunday so 32 hours free time.

No resident parent works all week then has all weekend parenting. They get free time Sunday to Friday evenings. So 6pm to 10pm. 6 x 4 hours = 24 hours free time.

Does the non resident parent do laundry, buy clothes, sort out overgrown clothes, book and attend dentist appointments, buy present for nursery staff etc? If not then the resident parent has it harder, to answer the original question.

They'll pick up on it

Doesn’t sound easy for either parent tbh. The resident parent doesn’t get to do the fun stuff with the DC in the week, and will eventually end up with all the school run drudgery on top of everything else. NRP gets quality time with their child but doesn’t get a weekend to themselves.

Presumably the NRP can take holiday too, and doesn’t have to worry about childcare, so not sure why that’s relevant.

They can't do if they're picking at their child contact time like this

Why is it a competition? You might get more useful responses if you explained your issue properly.

Why does NRP live so far away? Are they having to stay in hotels every weekend?

Weekend parent definitely has the better deal. How does the weekday parent get a break unless the house is massive?
Plus they don't have any privacy at the weekend.

What about weekday mornings? The non resident parent has free time then whilst the resident needs to give bk and get a toddler ready and to nursery.

Also the 8-10pm weekdays are not free for the resident parent, they can’t just get out of the house while the toddler sleeps. Counting it as free time would be similar to say that when the non resident parents goes to the cinema with the child it is free time as the child is not requiring any parenting while they watch the screen.

From the child's point of view it's not too bad. They sleep in their own home and aren't away from primary carer. While also seeing plenty of (presumably) dad. It's really positive that parents have managed this arrangement which can't have been easy but put the child first.

I think there's an argument for rejigging the weekend slightly. For example could dad come over Saturday evening so mum can have a day with the child. Dad could stay till after bedtime on Sunday so he can do 2 bedtimes. Or at least occasionally mix it up if dad wants an occasional weekend day off.

NRP has it easiest in my opinion: daily grind of childcare, life admin which I'm guessing falls to them, cooking, cleaning plus working added to never getting any of the fun downtime of a weekend with their child? And trying to spin it as 'early' Saturday and 'after toddler is asleep' on Sunday so it sounds longer doesn't hide that it's one night. The rest of the week is undisturbed sleep, being able to just eat toast if you're knackered without worrying about having to make something nutritious for child etc. the daily domesticity makes it much harder for NRP who still has to do Saturday morning wake up with a toddler and Sunday night settling

You’ve not included the free time NRP gets on weekend evenings once child is in bed, if you’re going down that route.

Plus on weeknights I imagine RP is doing the cleaning, washing, organising nursery stuff etc.

RP also has to do any night wakings and every morning other than Sunday.

You can’t compare their free time like for like - one can go out easily in the week, the other can’t.

Plus NRP has free time before work, depending on their commute that could be 1-1.5hrs every day to go to the gym or eat their breakfast in peace so 5 - 7.5 more hours than you originally calculated.

The mental load, sleepless nights, sick days, etc are another element that isn’t factored into the calculation.

This surely can't be a long term set up. The RP deserves full non-nursery/school days with their child now and again.

The argument about the RP being able to take time off is pretty irrelevant if the point is they can have time to themselves whilst toddler is in full time nursery because the NRP can presumably do the same since they also work Mon-Fri.

Without a doubt the weekend parent has the easiest life here. The week day parent has almost all nights and day today responsibilities whilst weekend parent drops in on the weekend for just one night and does all the fun stuff. Doesn't sound very equal to me.
Equal is both parents doing equal time.

I'm not sure why it's a competition tbh.

Who does all the child's washing? Takes time off work when they are sick? Books necessary appointments? Makes sure they have the appropriate clothes/shoes in the right size?

If you try and quantity it, I reckon they have similar amounts of time actively parenting but the resident parent has a lot more time "on call" and thus not as much genuinely free time. Also more antisocial hours - early starts, night wakings etc.

Resident parent:

6-8am x 6 a week = 12
5-7pm x 5 a week = 10
Total 22hrs active parenting

But only one evening a week they can leave the house without getting a babysitter + some time at the weekend but even that, the toddler is still in their house, they can't fully relax.

And all sick days which is loads with a toddler in nursery so active parenting hours are likely to be higher in reality

Non resident parent:

9am -7pm = 10
6am-7pm = 13
Total= 23 hours active parenting

But 6 evenings a week they can genuinely do what they want with.

Overall I still think non resident parent has it far easier. It's really hard to see how resident parent could possibly date, for example, but quite easy to see how non resident parent could

Weekend parent has it easier.

Resident parent deals with sick days, potentially broken sleep 5 nights a week, all appointments and donkey work but gets no quality fun time.

I can't understand anyone ( except non resident parents) thinking it's in anyway equal.

Who has it easier isn't really relevant because everyone is losing especially the child. However at the moment it sounds like the RP and child get no quality time together.

I'm not sure there is enough information to say. It will very much depend on how long it takes to get child ready in morning, settled at night, are they up during the night? What does the resident parent do at the weekend, time for themselves or doing housework, food shopping, cooking for the week etc.

I thought the same.

RP picks up more day to day childcare related responsibilities, but has two entirely free days on the weekend to use as they see fit.

NRP’s week is also taken up with work, but then also has their weekends occupied worth commuting, spending time with their child, then commuting back again ready for work on Monday.

Both are clearly dealing with a full schedule, but NRP is busy for 7 days a week with no truly free days off.

Weekend parent has it easier. They don't have to rush in the morning to get out to nursery. They don't have the hassle of bath and bedtime every week night. They get all the fun relaxed time at the weekends.

I can see both sides
RP is responsible 5 days a week and doesnt get to be a fun parent or have their home to themselves.
NRP has long journey but never a weekend day of rest.
No opportunity for either to start a proper new relationship.
I'd suggest that 2 in 4 weekends RP finishes early on Friday (you said u work v flexible) and drives dc to NRP and RP brings them back late on Saturday (bath, bed, pop them in the car in PJs) and goes home.

RP doesn’t get 2 full days at the weekend though. They get from 9am on Sat til toddler bedtime, so 7pm ish I guess on Sunday. And from the sounds of it they need to put up with NRP being in their house on Saturday night.

So they actually only get one free evening a week, and on that evening they can’t even chill in their own home, presumably they have to go out, or put up with their ex in their house.

OP who are you in this scenario?

Agreed. I feel that the OP is either the non resident parent or the non resident parent's girlfriend.

If I'm being selfish, I'd want resident parent set up. Very little parenting required, kid is in nursery all day so just drop off, pick up, possibly dinner if not given at nursery, bath and bed. Lack of socialising for RP but every weekend off from parenting is a luxury. Realistically though, I wouldn't want to miss out every weekend and chance to make memories with my children