Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

[Grewnaxre]

toddler lives with one parent. That parent works from home mostly with flexibility. They can take holiday and toddler is in full time nursery.

the other parent travels to see toddler at weekends (not local to other parent) and arrives at 9am Saturday and leaves after toddler gone to bed on Sunday. During this time the resident parent is not involved or is involved very little in parenting.

Which is why the question has arisen

So the resident parent never gets a weekend with their child ?! Why do the parents live so far apart? I think the fairest is to a week about, wed to wed for example.

Is the non resident parent parenting in the resident parent's home?

If so, it's definitely the resident parent who has it harder - they don't get any down time really and however well they co-parent, having your ex come and stay every weekend has to be incredibly awkward

If NRP wanted to change contact so they had some free time on weekends then that would be understandable. If you were together then they would probably get some time to do adult stuff like drink alcohol, date , do a hobby or see friends. Tbh it surprises me when divorced couples opt for every weekend with dad because it seems logical that it would lead to resentment that they have no adult time.

NRP has an easier time overall because they can go about their work and even take promotions without considering their child and work whatever hours but if they are trying to get some child free time at the weekend then they aren’t unreasonable either.

If NRP wanted to change contact so they had some free time on weekends then that would be understandable. If you were together then they would probably get some time to do adult stuff like drink alcohol, date , do a hobby or see friends.

Sure but the nrp has 6 nights a week for that, including Friday night. The resident parent already only has one. I don't think the nrp is hard done by for free time really. If they want some clear weekends, I think they should offer every other weekend but properly - i.e. picking the toddler up from nursery on Friday and dropping them back Monday morning to nursery. And having the child at theirs

In this equation I would find the NRP easiest. Fun weekends. One overnight and No weekly drudge of nursery runs/pick ups, night times! I wouldn’t have agreed to this as RP!

NRP has it 'easier' although i dont think this arrangement is very fair in terms of the quality of time each has with the toddler.

Resident parent has 6 nights a week of disturbed sleep, early mornings, can't ever leave the house a weekday eve. They have all the drudgery of the mon-fri with meals, bedtimes, nursery runs, early mornings, packing bag for nursery, id wager they do the majority of the laundry, plus the time they get with the child is poor quality time from 5pm to bedtime each evening which is when kids are at their most tired and tantrummy.

Resident parent then has to host another adult in their home every weekend and probably don't love that either.

NRP might have the drive to do but they have just one bedtime to do, and get to enjoy the best time with the child, with the freedom to enjoy a day out, activities outside the home, free of nursery runs etc. They probably have little to do in terms of managing toddlers sick days, doctors/healthcare appointments, laundry and stuff like shopping for new clothes when outgrown, making sure their wellies fit etc.

This is a rubbish arrangement for the RP. I suspect the NRP is totally taking the piss.

“Who has it harder?” is a really odd way of looking at it.

Is this fair? Does the child benefit? Would there be a better way of arranging this? All might be better questions.

I'm not understanding this, sorry. Do the parents like each other?

I wouldn't want to do all the boring week stuff while the other one has the fun weekends. While toddler is young, I would suggest spending Friday to Wednesday with non-resident parent, at their home, every two weeks.

If it’s not immediately obvious who has it harder in a situation (which it’s not here) then I don’t think it’s worth quibbling over.

If your question is really about a proposed change to a scenario and whether that’s fair, describe the proposed scenario.

this. NRP has the funny bits, can enjoy his/her child during weekends but RP has child everyday when nursery & work so child is not "having fun" with RP. Child deserves quality time with both of them.

In a very similar set up. I’m the primary parent, other has them for about 30 hours on the weekends/half holidays. However, every single day to day needs of the children are met by me. Every dentist/doctor/haircut. Ordering and picking up their various medications. Filling out paperwork. Every meeting about their additional needs, every school event. Every school run (three separate settings). Pay for after school care, give consent and pay for every school trip or event. Any issues, I am the only one who deals with it. Arranging their medication. Buying everything they need bar a few bits bought for their other home when there. All birthday events or family trips are sorted by me regardless of who’s ’time’ they fall on. Other parent is great at entertaining them at home, will see they’re fed and in bed at a reasonable time but that’s about it.

However additional needs is the crux of my situation and I need at least one night/a couple of days to catch up on 6 days of broken sleep and catch up on things I simply can’t do during the week (not all are in school full time).

Also not understanding why you are looking at it as who has it worse. Who moved away? It might be better for the parents to live in the same area so that they get to each have some week day and weekend time. Since they go to nursery, the RP probably doesn't get much quality time since that's usually what happens at the weekend. And if the ex is staying in the weekend that's maybe a bit awkward?

I still think resident parent has it harder. Daily slog, all overnights, fraught mornings rushing to nursery, days off to cover colds, mental load of appts, new shoes etc. presumably non resident parent can take days off during the week. I'm sure it's tiring all the travelling, but not the same.

During this time the resident parent is not involved or is involved very little in parenting..

Does anyone else have the sense the resident parent might not have the same view of this?

I don't think it's a competition. And us very unhealthy dynamic to make it into one. I'd just be happy that child had a stable home life and gets to have time with both parents.

NR parent has it easier.

I think the resident parent clearly has a more difficult situation. All of the slog and no fun with the child. Those weekday mornings getting a young child out of the house and then collecting them at the end of the day when both child and parent are tired. Awful.

I think people need to stop focusing on the “competition” aspect of this and understand that not all coparents get along/are reasonable.

I can’t imagine this question has come about from an amicable conversation between two understand people and this is a last resort to try and even the childcare “workload” out a bit.

I’d say both about equal but it’s a pretty rubbish set up.

Does the NRP parenting the child’s resident house with the RP there?

The NRP has the ‘easier shift’.

RP has it harder - especially if, as it sounds, the child is being put to bed, in their own bed, but by the RP's ex - so the RP has the choice of leaving her ex alone in her house so she can have her one night off, or being there and probably having the toddler still want to say goodnight to mummy etc. Plus, then being there for night wakings/morning wakings.

Unless it's an extremely civilised relationship now (which this question would suggest it isn't), I just can't imagine that choice is pleasant for the RP - there's no good

NRP has no washing, no drop-offs/pickups, very little prep - sure, being out all day with a little one is full on, and having it every weekend is also hard, but it's like compressed hours isn't it - the RP does everything for the rest of the week and has 2 (well, 1.5 really) days off, whereas the NRP has 1.5 days of care but a relaxed rest of week.

I feel like the RP has the absolute worst of all worlds imaginable here!

Rushing about in the week, fitting in childcare and work, no quality time with the child on weekends, not really able to relax on the weekend as child is still there as is the NRP, having to have the NRP in their house which I would find unbearable.

I don’t think this is sustainable from anyone’s pov!