Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

[Grewnaxre]

toddler lives with one parent. That parent works from home mostly with flexibility. They can take holiday and toddler is in full time nursery.

the other parent travels to see toddler at weekends (not local to other parent) and arrives at 9am Saturday and leaves after toddler gone to bed on Sunday. During this time the resident parent is not involved or is involved very little in parenting.

Very unhelpful as a competition

In reality . Rp will be doing doing all the appointments / the majority of the sickness .

if nrp is sick won’t come has time to be sick . Rp has to carry on regardless .

I also think in this situation sounds like Dc doesn’t have much down time at home .

is this actually an issue ?

Depends what you find hard, but I would say the resident parent has it easier as they get 2 full days break from work AND child, where as the non resident parent gets no full days off. Yes 5 mornings/evenings childfree but life will fill those ajd it's not the same as full days.

RP doesn’t have a single day when they don’t have to deal with their child at some point. When you are a single parent that is very full on.

I think the non resident parent has it easier, they effectively have 5 or 6 child free mornings and evenings. However the resident parent still has child and other parent in the background on their childfree days, meaning it’s not truly child free despite lack of responsibility.

Do you have children? RP has it harder, has the responsability of work, look after their home plus the child 5 days a week, child is a toddler so there is no quiet time at home at any point..
NRP can relax during the week after work... plus hasn't got to pay everyday food. cook, bring child to school etc and etc..

I mean the parent who only has to do parenting things one night a week has it easiest, obviously.

Unfortunately of course there is not
much of a co-parenting relationship when this kind of resentment is stirring.

You seem to be implying the RP has it easier. Why do you think that?

Very shitty co-parenting to be talking about it interms of who “has it harder” when it comes to parenting.
In many parents view the weekend is the fun but end so the RP definitely has a lot more of the basic care tasks and all the chores related to raising children, early starts, sickness, meals, cleaning, washing clothes, keeping wardrobe in check etc whereas the other parent gets to hang out on a Saturday afternoon without participating in any of the grunt work.

Resident parent has it harder because they never get a full day off with their child. I'd be heartbroken to have to work and do nursery all week, only to hand them off for the whole weekend.

What exactly is the prize when you determine who has it the easiest?

You cannot compare free time like that. The NRP’s non work time during the week is actual free time, they can do what they want whenever they want with no obligations. The RP has a child at home, even when they are in bed they may or may not stir at any point. For this parent to have the same type of free time they need to pay for a babysitter, because you can’t just go out and leave a toddler in bed therefore when you’re a single parent it’s not free time.

Yes, I agree with this.

If the non resident parent had the child at theirs, I think you could debate who has it easier but in fact the resident parent doesn't actually have any fully clear days. Their one sort of free evening, they either need to be at home around their ex or go out and have the awkwardness of coming back late, trying not to wake anyone etc. Their one sort of free morning, it's unlikely that they aren't woken at all by the toddler.

I would say NRP has it easier, on balance. Mainly because of all the "child admin" sits on RP shoulders. Whilst the NRP can come in each weekend and take the child out for a day of fun.

Yes, they are working all week and then parenting all weekend. But solo parenting all week - all the rushed mornings, working all day, picking up from nursery, bedtime and child admin - is exhausting. It's not the same as a working week without a child.

This is a shit arrangement for both parents. Resident parent has no full days down time from parenting, no leisure time with child and is responsible for all day to day things as well as tolerating having ex partner in their home.

Non resident parent is having to do all travel, has no full days of down time and the awkwardness of having to spend time in ex partners house.

I am going to bet that the OP is the non-resident parent or their GF as a previous poster said.

The posts are about what the NRP does, with no recognition of the reality of looking after a small child 24/7 however much you love your child and want to spend time with them.

I guess I'd question what the focus on "easier" is all about, and why that's the emphasis over what's fair. Yeah, parenting is hard, but it's also rewarding and great to spend time with your child. If I was the resident parent I'd worry that all my time with my child is getting ready for school and unwinding before bed. When do they get to enjoy quality time together?

I agree with this and also think it’s crap for the child too - they never get proper time at the weekend with the RP. I’d be totally looking to change this so the child has equal non-nursery time with each parent.

If the non resident parent is finding this a strain as I think the OP is implying - I think the main options I would suggest would be:

They move to every other weekend but that they have the child at theirs from Friday night to Monday morning for those weekends and that they have responsibility for those Fridays if the child isn't well.

Or they move closer together and they have the child one night a week and every other weekend Friday - Saturday.

If I was the resident parent here, my main priority would be the non resident parent not being in my house every week.

Nah, the dad has it easy.

He can do whatever he wants mon-fri, doesn't have to get a child to nursery and then get himself to work (doesn't even need to think about what nursery to send the kid to, let alone making sure the 20% childcare account is topped up and the provider paid), isn't the one that has to organise dentist and doctors (doesn't even need to think about getting the kid registered or booking appointments) and get the child there at 11:30 on a Tuesday, doesn't have to cook for a small human (doesn't have to even think about what food the child likes or needs it ensuring there's a decent variety of good nutritious meals), can just fuck off out in the evening if he wants, can just stay late at work for drinks or whatever. If he fancies popping to the local shop for a bag of Doritos he can. (Doesn't even have to consider maybe asking a friend to come over and babysit)
He doesn't need to think about the day to day crap like, are there enough clean clothes? (He doesn't even have to think about which washing powder to use) has kiddo had enough veggies this week? (Doesn't even need to know if they've eaten a vegetable at all this week)
Doesn't need to think, "oh Should we pop by and see Nan on Wednesday as they haven't seen each other in a while?" Or " oh, it's the 11th, that's the day we said we'd meet up with other children and ok, I need to get the supermarket shopping done earlier than normal... " ... Doesn't even need to know who is in the kids life, let alone organising anything or building a relationship with the other parents.

Non resident parents always have it easier, because they just don't have to worry about it think about another human all the time.

This doesn’t sound like a very fair set up. Having zero child free weekend time for one person and then zero child responsibilities for the other parent at the weekend seems a bit extreme. I get the resident parent has more of the day to day slog, but I don’t think this is a fair set up in terms of actually useable leisure time (ie being able to see friends etc at the weekend or do things for fun when not exhausted after work)

They can take holiday and toddler is in full time nursery.

Also lol. As can the NRP and they don’t have a toddler in the morning or the evening, or pay for the nursery.

Hardly fair on the child to be dragged out all day every weekend

I'd agree, NRP needs to do the "normal" set up if having child at theirs EOW and once in the week.

I thought coparenting was 50/50 - but I might be wrong.

Oh! And as the NRP is just breezing into someone else's house, they don't need to think about things like ...are the bed sheets clean, did i put the hair straightener away, don't have to lockma cupboard, don't have to store a buggy or clothes or toys or books. Don't have to make sure the house is ready.

So basically the resident parent does all the shitty work, plus washing, ironing, tidying after child. Non resident parent gets the fun days out. Resident parent has it harder