Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

[Grewnaxre]

toddler lives with one parent. That parent works from home mostly with flexibility. They can take holiday and toddler is in full time nursery.

the other parent travels to see toddler at weekends (not local to other parent) and arrives at 9am Saturday and leaves after toddler gone to bed on Sunday. During this time the resident parent is not involved or is involved very little in parenting.

I would say the non-resident parent had the easier end of the deal. Weekend time is always easier because it's more relaxed not having to juggle stuff with work.

Oh boy, could you imagine if this dad was actually leading a double life?!

Like he says he works away from home mon-fri, but is really living with a second family, and then goes back to the first family at weekends!

Sarcasm.
We're talking about a human being, not an object, so quantifying "easiness" is ridiculous when the only question should be what is best for the child, rather than what comes across as a point scoring system from the OP.

NRP has the fun weekend time woth their child, with minimal conflict between needs of work and parenting. Far more time off to themselves. No comparison really since the hardest aspect of parenting a small child is trying to do everything at once during a work day.

did the resident parent move away or the non resident?

Who has it harder depends on what each person’s priorities are. Eg if it’s hard to be away from your kid, then you might be doing less childcare, but that might be more difficult emotionally.

If I think about which parent I’d be, it’s hard to decide. I think I’d rather be the resident parent, but I’d rather also at least be able to spend half a weekend day having relaxed, quality time with my child. If I was the non-resident parent, I’d probably like a bit of free weekend time and be more than just a weekend parent, so have more time in the week too.

It sounds like you’re putting your child first, so they don’t have to bounce between homes, which I commend. However, I could imagine that as the child gets older, the plans may need to change.

I'd rather be the weekday parent for sure!

The person who has it hardest in this situation is the child, I wish you parents who don’t live together would put your children first and stop selfishly thinking about yourselves so much. You’ll have plenty of time to put yourselves first when your child is an adult. I say this as parent of one daughter, father left me when she was 9, we tried to make everything as easy as possible for her. I lived nearby, 9-5 job, took majority of responsibility for daughter, he had a much more demanding job, access arrangements were loosely she went to him for whole weekend every other weekend, with flexibility to see her any convenient time, ie if he was taking his new partners children out for a meal mid week, would often call me and pick daughter up too. Christmas, one year she stayed with me Christmas Eve, we had Christmas dinner Christmas Eve and pressies with me Christmas morning, Dad picked her up just before lunch, off to his for Christmas lunch and pressies with his new family. We didn’t disagree about anything in front of her, kept a good relationship up, which made it easy when she married her wonderful husband 10 years ago, we all sat on top table together etc etc.

Well I can assure you that broken relationships do have an effect on the child, when daughter moved into her own alone in her early 20s she said it was wonderful just putting a key in the front door and knowing that she would be sleeping and waking up in the same bed every night. I know the way she has worked hard with her own relationship, her and husband living together before marriage, waiting until financially secure to have children and lots of other things that come to light, that the last thing in the whole world she or her husband would want to do is see their children growing up with separated parents.

They have the sort of lovely, warm home that both their children’s friends gravitate to, are made to feel welcome, and they will often chat to my daughter. The ones from broken homes aren’t 100% happy, break down in relationships does often take its toll on the children, however much us parents congratulate ourselves on managing the situation so well. I’m also realistic in knowing that sadly, however hard we try sometimes relationships have to end, but please don’t imagine (like I did) that you have taken action without hurting your child.

Surely what matters is both get to be with the child and the child has a good relationship with both parents. As the child grows up, the pressures ease and change. First school intervenes, then they don’t want to be with parents, but prefer to be with their pals and parents are just there to do their laundry and feed them..till they do that themselves, too. ..and be the taxi service. ..till they can go off on their own.
Parenting is always time consuming and even parents together don’t get much time off. I never took any time off, even to the point my children could go to work with me when not at school. You shouldn’t have children if you’re going to quibble about who does more with the child at any given age.
What matters is the child you have and raising a happy , well adjusted and cared-for child. Childhood does not last forever, even if it feels that way sometimes. I just hope this child does not learn it was a chore and a contest for time off.

I think the answer here is for NRP to have a full weekend off once in a while. Once a month, once every 2 months. That way they can occasionally do things socially with their friends. My husband and I would arrange weekends away and city breaks with friends around once every 2 months and our parents would have our children. Maybe your child would enjoy spending a rare weekend with the other parent once in a while, just as our children loved the weekends they spent with their grandparents. They did this from a very young age (maybe from 6 months) and they are both in their 20’s now and look back fondly on those times.