Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

[Grewnaxre]

toddler lives with one parent. That parent works from home mostly with flexibility. They can take holiday and toddler is in full time nursery.

the other parent travels to see toddler at weekends (not local to other parent) and arrives at 9am Saturday and leaves after toddler gone to bed on Sunday. During this time the resident parent is not involved or is involved very little in parenting.

The weekday parent has all the slog and none of the fun.

Agreed.

Plus they get paid.

The resident parent has it harder, they are the default parent. Will deal with all the sick days and the crappy transition behaviour when the NRP leaves, completely normal but tough to deal with. They have to do all the hard slog parenting, every night waking and every evening and all the house work and laundry for both of them. Will be the one to organise birthdays and play dates in the week. Has to sought out wraparound childcare when child is at school. Will be the one to juggle inset days and extra curricular if they don't want their child to miss out.

The non- resident parent gets to swan in, child is on best behaviour as not the resident parent, do fun activities etc.

I would suggest moving to alternate weekends with NRP, but they have DC for Friday and Saturday night- parents could both drive and meet halfway. Same number of nights but at least each parent gets a proper break.

Quite clearly the non-resident parent has it easier, unless they do more behind the scenes work during the week, they get to rock up and be fun parent. It probably is a little annoying not to be able to go away on weekends but they do have Friday night free. The resident parent wouldn't actually be able to go away very far with only one night free for them (Sat).

Non resident obviously has it easier. They do 6 nights, 5 evenings, 6 mornings vs 1 night, 1 morning, 2 evenings. And they deal with nr parent in their space and never get the fun days with the DC. NR parents does mealtimes, do they buy all the food? Who cleans the kitchen? Who takes time off when kid is sick? Who buys clothes? Takes them to the dentist? Does the washing?

I feel like the RP has the absolute worst of all worlds imaginable here!

This. All the work, none of the fun.

OP it's polite to come back and tell us who you are.

Both are clearly dealing with a full schedule, but NRP is busy for 7 days a week with no truly free days off.

If the NRP takes a day off work, they have a 'truly free' day. RP doesn't ever have a 'truly free day' as even at the weekend, the NRP doesn't take over until 9am, and leaves after bedtime on Sunday - the RP is on call for the rest of the time.

The RP has 1.5 days when she's not on call (assuming NRP stays in the house and deals with night wakings/breakfast on Sunday), and no time alone

NRP has 5.5 days free to do what they want outside of work.

That's a terrible arrangement. Neither parent is having a good time of it and they need to rethink. The sniping at each other with both feeling they have the shitty end of the stick is symptomatic of the fact that change is needed.

Both parents need some weekend time with DC. Having the NRP do every weekend isn't good for anyone. Weekends should ideally be 50:50 or could be 66:33 if both parents are OK with this.

Obviously in an ideal world both parents would have equal weekday time too but it's not an ideal world and they have to do the best they can. Obviously the NRP cant do 50% easily but there must be ways for them to do some, they need to find a way.

It's unreasonable for the NRP to take over the RPs home every weekend. What a miserable way to live.

non resident parent usually takes toddler out for full day then does meal times and bedtime

Who does washing dishes, clothes, bedsheets etc. that mean the NRP can do all this?

Totally.

The reference to the resident parent being able to take holiday makes this clear.

The non resident parent can also take holiday and won't have to use half of it to cover toddler illness and can actually go somewhere for a few days unlike the resident parent but that didn't get a mention

When they live in an Enid Blyton novel

Also, can the RP go out for the day/evening? Date? Be not always on call? And having so much in the house smells controlling.

The non resident parent gets a lovely weekend having fun with their child, the resident parent gets to do all the work during the week and doesn't see them at weekends so in answer to your question the non resident parent has it easier and the better deal.

If I was the resident parent I'd want every other weekend and half the holidays so I could have some fun times with my child. The non resident parent needs to move closer so they can see their child during the week if they want more access.

The non-resident parent having every other weekend for two or three nights would be fairer on the resident parent (and in their own place!) as the resident parent never gets a weekend with their child to just relax. That really is the short end of the stick.
How did such an unequal arrangement come about? I do understand that small children need frequent contact with the non-resident parent, but the resident parent never has a weekend with their child, and if the non-resident parent is actually staying over in their house too, as it sounds, then they don’t really have their house to themselves either. Sounds awful.

I think the NRP has a rotten deal because I’d want more time with my children and to be there as much as possible, be with them if they’re sick, do homework with them and chat to them in person during the week. I’d hate to have that arrangement. But if I was the RP I’d want more weekend time too.
It depends what the issue is. If it’s who has to spend time with the child and meet their needs that is classed as worse then they are both awful.
I wanted my children to live with me FT and to spend my free time with them. I didn’t get divorced mind you so it’s moot for me. But arguing over who has it worse sounds crap if you’re arguing over taking care of your child. Hopefully I’ve got the wrong end of the stick. Haven’t RTWT, just saw the post above saying who has to meet their child’s needs during the week has it worse. Seriously.

Is the non resident parent unable to take holiday for some reason? Most likely they both get annual leave, but only the resident parent has to use theirs for nursery closers, toddlers illnesses or appointments.

In terms of actual face to face care, they may be about equal (IF the toddler sleeps well), but the weekend parent definitely seems to have the better deal. They get all the fun / easy bits while the other parent does all the grind. Resident parents also doesn't really get to relax on a weekend as both the toddler and their ex are in their house.

This arrangement is equally shit for everyone. No wonder you are arguing about it.

The resident parent should have some weekend fun time with the child, and the non-resident parent needs some time off.

Unless the non-resident parent is close enough to take on some mid-week care, there is no way to make this "fair" but you might be able to make it less shit by accepting the the resident parent needs to do more, unfortunately.

Sorry to clarify in terms of whether non resident buys food on their days etc, non resident pays child maintenance, what they have to plus another 250 on top and will bring various bits at weekends like wipes or nappies for the days out

And does the NRP stay at the RP’s house on the Saturday night?

So nrp contributes to the cost of food, but do they actually buy and cook it? Or do they cook and eat food rp has bought?

Is there some sort of dispute between them that means it matters who has it 'easiest'?

I don’t think either has it easier. Parenting toddlers is difficult. The one during the week deals with all the shit of getting them to play groups. The one at weekends never actually has a weekend however as that child gets older, I would not want to be giving away every weekend with my child.

Who handles the child's doctor's appointments, does the child's laundry, plans the meals, etc?

You’ve assumed that the NRP moved away from their child… it is possible that the RP moved away with the child when the split took place. If the NRP has a job/support network/home etc where they live, it isn’t as simple as moving to be closer to their child.