Old friend randomly blocked me

[Pureshores499]

For background purposes, I'm in my 40s now.
When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who I socialised a lot with (bars and clubs late 90's days) we had some amazing nights and were great friends, not super close though, mainly socially. As life progresses we both meet and marry, settle down etc. and lose touch, as sometimes happens in life. I know she's married with a son who I'm guessing is around 20 now.

Randomly one day a few months ago, I got thinking of her and could remember her Mums landline number (probably because we called each other so much back then before mobiles!)

I rang and spoke to her Mum. She remembered me and we had a brief chat. I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

I drop said friend a little message, along the lines of "hey old friend. Surprise! A little blast from your past. Ask how she's doing, tell her she had popped into my mind etc, explained how I'd amazingly remembered her parents home number etc. and just thought it would be good to check in all these years later now we're adulting 😊

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

So I respond fairly briefly, tell her I'm married, where I'm living now etc. Casually say it would be nice to one day catch up for a coffee is she fancies it sometime.

That's it.

Stays on the grey tick. I got blocked. Obviously she never responded.

I can't understand. It's made me feel utterly crap. I'm obviously overthinking it, but who wouldn't. I've never done anything to offend her. I get that life moves on. Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!) Just thought it was a nice little checkin to an old friend I'd lost touch with.

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi, was thinking of you and the fun times we has message - instead I come away from an innocently nice gesture feeling like I've been punched in the stomach (and also like a complete idiot!!)

She only lives about 10 miles from me, so I dread if I ever bump into her, I'd feel incredibly awkward now on how to navigate!

Anyone else had odd situations like this that fester in your mind?

Are you sure you've been blocked? Do you have one grey tick or two? Two would means it's been delivered but she just hasn't opened it as you'll probably know. It doesn't mean you're blocked though. There could be something going on in her life that is sucking up all of her energy right now. Her standoffish response might be absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with other stresses.

Hard though it is, just forget it. She might have any number of reasons for this but she’s not going to share them with you.

She replied once and was pleasant. Remember that rather than her withdrawing?

I find with old friends, you've often grown apart so much that it's weird being together, although I can imagine it's very hurtful to be on the receiving end of an apparently unmotivated blocking. I think I've only ever blocked four: one in a very aggressive cult, two who'd become rabid Brexiters, and one who ghosted me. YANBU, it sounds like she's the one with a problem. If you run into her, you either blank her or say a curt hello and keep on walking.

I was thinking about this the other day. I had a best friend at school decades ago and joined the old school's Facebook page. Long story short, someone told me her married name. I had lived overseas for decades. I was so excited and messaged her, but she has one of those things: she can't see messages from anyone except her current friends. After I did it, I kind of regretted it. What if she doesn't want to connect and now feels obligated? So I was glad she couldn't see the message.

I guess Facebook enables us to see people we haven't seen in decades, and I'm not sure if it is a good thing or not. They probably have that whole 'Show everyone except so-and-so' for good reason. I read a post the other day at a person moaning about having all of these ghosts on their profile watching them, people they went to school with who they have added out of politeness and now don't talk to.

A lot of us move on and don't bother with the past. Maybe the timing is wrong, or we are not interested. I think she might have been OK with a small chat, but a meetup for coffee was too much for her. Perhaps she has things in the past she'd rather forget. I have no idea her reason, but don't personalise it. The past is a thing of its own. I've had friends I've sent messages to who simply didn't reply. I think Facebook is not great for many reasons, and perhaps this is one of them. Focus on the friends you have now, your life and the people who love you. Not her.

I was randomly suspended from WhatsApp last month and no, I didn’t do anything whatsoever against the terms and conditions. It’s not unusual for that to happen and there is nothing at all you can do about it because it is entirely run by bots. No human beings to ask about it. Anyway, it could be a technical issue like that. Perhaps you could text instead?

Having said that, it’s more likely she has blocked you. That feels horrible but there are so many reasons why people do that which don’t signify you did anything wrong. She could be suffering a mental health episode or some other issue which she can only deal with by withdrawing. It’s really sad and understandable that you are upset, or annoyed.

But she’s not an old friend at all, she’s someone you went out socially with in your 20s in the 1990s, and whom you admit you weren’t particularly close to even at the time. You get her number from her mother 30 years later, after decades of no contact, and send her a WhatsApp, to which she replies briefly but perfectly civilly, but doesn’t continue the conversation, or want to see you. I think that’s fine. She responded, but you’re a blast from a very distant past, and she’s not interested in reviving it.

Ok so you are male and she is female ? Is there any chance you could’ve been more than frienda in the past and now she she wants to forget you ?

if that’s not the case , sometimes people just move forward and are different people now , but blocking seems a bit strange , maybe her phone is turned off and it’s not blocked

I recently met up with some old school friends we were a quartet , two sets of best friends except my best friend kind of went off me lol and found a new best friend ( I was too boffy and boring!)

though we all met as a quartet , I didn’t actually want to meet my old best friend as much , I don’t hate her.

Anyway , before we met as a quartet she texted me asking me if I wanted to meet 1:1 prior to that, and I didn’t answer .

i think after what I went through at school after I lost her as a best friend ( spending lunch times alone in the toilets at times ) I guess I didn’t have the same interest in meeting her , but wish her my very best .

she took the hint and we met as a group but she hasn’t tried to meet 1:1 since , and that’s ok with me .

I think it’s a bit odd you asked for her number rather than just leaving yours so the ball was in her court over whether to contact you. I’d be a bit miffed if my mum gave out my number to someone I’d known 20 years ago who called her out the blue.

I wouldn’t take it personally though, she may just have no wish to revisit that time of her life and it’s nothing personal. Doesn’t sound like you were amazingly close from what you’ve said in your OP.

It's totally fine not to want to rekindle a friendship from the past that's been over for decades. She was perfectly pleasant in her response, but you were way too full on with your follow up. I'm not surprised she's backed right off.

This, and I agree with @Trickabrick’s point, too. I’d be unimpressed if my mother wasn’t saying ‘Sure, give me your number and I’ll pass it on’ and was giving out mine.

I blocked someone I used to know well in the 1980's. I'd posted on facebook about moving to the coast and she decided to invite herself and her numerous grandchildren to come and stay. I worked out that we hadn't actually seen each other in person for more than 30 years. I didn't want to host her and a bunch of children I have never met for a freebie holiday by the sea. She sure as shit didn't want to come and stay when I lived in Manchester.

You were totally in the wrong for phoning her mum, who does that? Really weird.

Then when you did speak with her mum you should have passed on your number not ask for hers. I’d feel totally creeped out by any old acquaintance who did that.

I’m surprised she replied to you let alone civilly. An instant block is what I’d have done and asked my mum to do the same.

It's a shame. But tbh her mum shouldn't really have given out her number, not should you have asked. In this circumstance I have always volunteered my details and said please do pass them on, love to hear from her etc.
But giving out people's numbers, even to friend from the past, is a bit out of order. I guess that might be partly the reason?
It's clear you were just reaching out in a friendly way so it's nothing personal against you I'd imagine. I'd be a little peeved if my mum gave out my number to someone and they contacted me after many years with 'surprise!' it might be a little too much of a surprise.

Is this 2 women?

I think that's a bit harsh. The mum remembered OP. If nothing amiss had happened why is it creepy to get in touch?

Perhaps better to pass on your number but live and learn.

Are you M or F?

She responded in a nice way, but may just not have the capacity to pick up an old friendship and reminisce at the minute and it's not really easy to refuse politely

I wonder if she was happy to say hi, but just didn't want to fully dredge up a friendship you have both been content to drop for decades?

If I'm honest any message starting "This is a blast from the past" would make me nervous, and I don't even have anything to be nervous about! I wonder what you were really hoping would come of it? Contacting her mum suggests a bit more commitment than just seeing her on Facebook and sending a quick message.

Have you been thinking back to your fun filled youth and hoping to get some of that spark back? Are there people in your current life who are a good laugh, that you could do more fun stuff with?

I wouldn't be happy if my mother gave my phone number to someone I knew socially decades ago. I would feel I had nothing to say to someone I wasn't even very close to that randomly messaged me.

How do you have the time and headspace for this?

I’m around your age and that’s what I would think if a blast from the past popped up wanting to meet up.

Wow, you sound nice 🤣

Why is the onus on her to indulge you with vague, non commital responses in the hopes you take the hint? You reach out she responded politely but gave no indication she wanted to meet up. You messaged again and suggested it but she didn’t want to go any further with this.

Not rude at all IMO or hurtful. It’s been twenty years she owes you nothing and it’s OTT to be so upset about it.

I had a guy friend pop up on a Facebook message after about 20 years. I responded politely but then got lots of “hey remember when we got up to this” type messages came through along with “bet you were hoping that wouldn’t get mentioned again ha ha ha”. I blocked after that, I don’t need some cringey revisit of my misspent youth!

You aren't blocked. She just hasn't read your message.

It’s quite intense to have called her mum, especially if you weren’t even that close.

I would wonder why someone I used to go clubbing with had got in touch; and I’m assuming you are male so would be assuming some mid life crises/ fantasy going on…

They’ve sent a civil response but clearly no interest in reviving an old friendship, it’s weird you’re putting so much focus on it tbh. It suggests they’ve made the right call not to engage with you.

I didn't know how else to contact her, I only knew her parents number. I did initially offer to give her Mum my contact info, but she just gave me my old friends 💁‍♀️ I really didn't think too much of it, just nice to contact an old friend to say hi was all, nothing creepy or odd was intended and I wasn't full on.

I thought the same 😂 maybe it's my old friend? 😂

I’ve had it a couple of times when old ‘friends’ have popped up.

My life has moved on. If we were really good friends they wouldn’t have disappeared from my life.

I’ve become old and fat so no longer want to try and rekindle a lifetime past.