Old friend randomly blocked me

[Pureshores499]

For background purposes, I'm in my 40s now.
When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who I socialised a lot with (bars and clubs late 90's days) we had some amazing nights and were great friends, not super close though, mainly socially. As life progresses we both meet and marry, settle down etc. and lose touch, as sometimes happens in life. I know she's married with a son who I'm guessing is around 20 now.

Randomly one day a few months ago, I got thinking of her and could remember her Mums landline number (probably because we called each other so much back then before mobiles!)

I rang and spoke to her Mum. She remembered me and we had a brief chat. I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

I drop said friend a little message, along the lines of "hey old friend. Surprise! A little blast from your past. Ask how she's doing, tell her she had popped into my mind etc, explained how I'd amazingly remembered her parents home number etc. and just thought it would be good to check in all these years later now we're adulting 😊

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

So I respond fairly briefly, tell her I'm married, where I'm living now etc. Casually say it would be nice to one day catch up for a coffee is she fancies it sometime.

That's it.

Stays on the grey tick. I got blocked. Obviously she never responded.

I can't understand. It's made me feel utterly crap. I'm obviously overthinking it, but who wouldn't. I've never done anything to offend her. I get that life moves on. Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!) Just thought it was a nice little checkin to an old friend I'd lost touch with.

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi, was thinking of you and the fun times we has message - instead I come away from an innocently nice gesture feeling like I've been punched in the stomach (and also like a complete idiot!!)

She only lives about 10 miles from me, so I dread if I ever bump into her, I'd feel incredibly awkward now on how to navigate!

Anyone else had odd situations like this that fester in your mind?

Maybe she finds the way you contacted her creepy by ringing her mum and asking for the number.
If she doesn't live that far away why have you waited so long, why have you not tried over the years to contact her, she maybe thinking along these lines.

Yes op hurtful but I met up with a friend (30 yr gap) pleasant but that was it. I think sometimes too much time lapsed. We laughed about classes and teachers. We had one off meetup thats all it was one off

I would have no interest in hearing from people who have not been in my life for 30 years.

I’d be really angry with my mum if she gave out my phone number without checking with me first and very weirded out of someone that I hadn’t seen for years contacted me out of the blue on a phone number I didn’t know they had.

If I wanted people to find me I’d make myself findable on social media.

I realise that you didn’t intend it that way but I’m trying to explain how it might have been received.

I’m not sure why people think there’s anything odd about that.

you don't know where she is in her life or what is happening, someone contacting her from years ago may not be able to handle and you are clearly persistent as contacted her mum etc.

Its not you but her state that is for whatever reason not comfortable with seeing you and if she had been that important to you, you'd not have lost contact

Don't feel bad about yourself but also don't look on her badly as you don't know whats happening in her life

I feel like there may be some context here that is missing from the OP. What was your old friendship like?

I think it's an overstep to get hold of someone's mobile number and WhatsApp them. I appreciate you tried to give your number and the mum insisted. That's very poor boundaries on her part. I have friends from the past I wouldn't want to be in contact with and definitely wouldn't want them to have my number. I might be okay with FB friends. I would step away and move on.

I don't think it's creepy!
How are you sure you are blocked? If there is one grey tick it means your friend didn't receive your message (it happens when no signal or phone switched off).

Lots of people wouldn't be happy. I'm not the same person I was in my 20s and rehashing the past with a virtual stranger isn't appealing.
I'm surprised someone hasn't said the old friend should have been #kind and met up with the OP no matter how she felt about it.

I've been back in touch with an old school mate I'd lost touch with after she bumped into my mum and asked for my number. I didn't think it was creepy at all and we speak every few weeks or so but we don't have a lot in common anymore. She was my best mate at school though. I'd maybe think it was creepy if it was someone I knew casually. To be honest I wasn't really that bothered about hearing from her. Apart from a few exceptions I live in the here and now and probably don't have much in common with people I knew but lost touch with since my 20s. It's probably nothing bad about you but she might feel awkward talking to you after so long.

You did nothing wrong but sometimes it’s better when this stuff happens organically - bumping into each other in a shop and hitting it off again, or finding out that you have a mutual friend and suggesting a meet-up for all three of you.

It's fine OP. I'm like this as well. And I take it to heart. I love hearing from people, but not everyone is like us.

I've had it happen twice - and it is a very weird experience IMO. People you got on well with, at the time, but life moved on, we all moved away.... no major dramas that you are aware of, good memories etc. you expect to be able to reconnect in some way.

the first time it happened was when an old Uni friend - who ended up hundreds of miles away for work, got a job very locally to me, about 10yrs post uni, teaching in a school with another person from our wider circle. She got in touch and said "Guess who's starting at my school next term, 'George' how great is that?"

I did still have his email and messaged to say something along the lines of "hey, blast from the past, just heard you are going to be working with 'Jean', we should get together for a catch up". I received an email back to say "I think we should leave the past where it was". In the years he worked in the school he never acknowledged that he knew 'Jean' and never voluntarily had a conversation with her. We genuinely had no idea what had happened to cause this, but he was not a happy person.

The second time was after I was married, with DC, had moved hundreds of miles away from my old home, small town, one secondary school, and noticed that the new head of science was someone I was in 6th form with 30yrs ago. Again, simple message welcoming her to the town and offering to meet for coffee, nice message back but she never took up the offer to meet and left the area some years later.

The first one was more puzzling tbh, as we had been part of a friendship group not just happened to be in the same class, and something must have happened 🤷🏼‍♀️. Neither experience scarred me for life, but both puzzle me as I enjoy reconnecting with old friends - but then my life is happy, I suppose if theirs is not what they hoped for then it might be challenging for them to see how others are doing?

Clearly she had zero interest in eloping with you and that's ok, but blocking? that's a bit too harsh... you had been perfectly nice and polite so no reason really for blocking. She could have just answered with a "hi, great hear you're doing well, I'm quite busy at the moment with work, family, ailing parents etc..etc... so not much time left. Be well, x" That's all it takes really, she sounds socially akward.

maybe she’s just got her settings so it only shows 1 tick, one person i’m friends with has theirs like
that, so no read receipts

So you haven’t bothered with her for 20 years despite the fact she’s 10 miles away, now that suddenly you remember her you want to pretend to be. Besties and YOU are out out that she’s not responding? People can’t be this up their own arse surely.

I think for this kind of rekindling, it'd have to happen organically, like maybe you meet unexpectedly at a yoga class or christening or something, and both be as pleased to see each other and want to catch up.
There are loads of people that I knew in the past and liked that I probably would be surprised if I heard from out of the blue and hesitant to chat to, I guess the worry is that those happy memories would be slightly tainted if they started to try and see me through the lens of how I was, if that makes sense? It can feel quite patronising and restrictive when people do that. I've changed, as we all do.
I've actually got an old best friend on FB who I haven't actually met up with in person for probably near a decade. She will occasionally post references on my wall to the subculture I was into decades ago and bands and film franchises that we loved when we were teens. Stuff I've not been into that for aeons, but my friend is under the impression I still am! It's quite awkward really as although my old friend only does it a couple of times a year, it's gone on too long for me to say anything! When I last saw her, she was slightly miffed surprised that I'd forgotten her old (long-gone) landline tel. but she still knew my old one.😬

Well thats the all about you show..... its ok to sudden onset memory...i would actual kill my ma if she give anyone my number EVER-shes brutal so wouldnt-at best shed ask the caller theres n pass on regards\feel free text call.
YOUR expectations(all be they from a happy place, and no ill intent.
You message pop in head\caame to sy hi etc.she replies pleasantly ..if brief and you grb the goalposts and start running change game-wnt to meet up/coffee.
dunno what youze done in late 90s....know what i did. We ws so lucky NOT to have digiplanet phones n fbook, you got your fleeting moment-wee shared smile....
Sure "innocent/nice gesture" was your thinking- 30 years have gone ANY number of hell no's or trigger traumas could be water otherwise under the bridge.
if your feelings are hurt its also on you-how your lookit ,no need start fling rude etc.she replied....
now tell me whaatchu want whatchu really really want?

Sorry but I’m in the camp that would find this intrusive and borderline creepy. I don’t have the best relationship with my mum and so that would add another annoyance into the mix, it would give my mum reason to get in touch and then to follow up asking if I’d met up with the friend etc. I also find maintaining friendships via text hard work (I’m ND) and so would probably find it easier to just ignore the message; I doubt I’d go so far as to block an old friend getting in touch but I would probably mute or archive without looking at the messages and leave them on unread.

It’s quite an awkward situation, my instinct is that she’s either got something unpleasant going on in her life, or she just doesn’t care which is quite a hard thing to accept. If you see her somewhere I think maybe you should smile and wave but not say anything, the ball is kind of in her court to come and speak to you now. Ignoring you is a but immature and rude, maybe you are better off without this one.

I had a friend do this to me one year after we left school! I rang her in the summer holidays and she literally said - why are you ringing? - I didn't know how to respond as we'd been quite close at school sitting together and going out at weekends. Some people are just weird! Or at least, different to other people. Maybe she's going to start another thread about her perspective and the gall of you to text out of the blue years after doing something awful that you weren't even aware of 20 years ago!! Don't sweat it

I think it may have been best to leave your number with her mum rather than contacting her out of the blue. There is usually a reason people don't keep in touch - the past is usually best left where it is. I understand you were just being nice though.

I would be extremely freaked out if a friend from 30 years ago who I'd drifted from rang my MUM and asked for my number! Particularly if they weren't particularly close in the first place. Storing and remembering her home phone number from the 90's is incredibly weird. Actually going ahead and calling it probably felt intrusive to her mum and she probably felt put on the spot.
I think what you did has unsettled her. Some friendships naturally run their course, better to keep this one in the past!

@Pureshores499 I don't know my mum's mobile number which she has had for over 10 years but I remember my best friends parents number from 1985 😱 - we had to remember numbers back then.

I found some letters from someone I was friends with in 1992-1993. We wrote to each other when she moved back home until about 2001. Then nothing. She didn't reply to me so I wrote again then nothing. Having found these letters I found her, I think on FB. I sent a very brief message but she's not posted on there for quite a while. I don't expect to hear from her and I won't try again. I'd be thrilled if she did reply and I'd love to hear from old friends.