Old friend randomly blocked me

[Pureshores499]

For background purposes, I'm in my 40s now.
When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who I socialised a lot with (bars and clubs late 90's days) we had some amazing nights and were great friends, not super close though, mainly socially. As life progresses we both meet and marry, settle down etc. and lose touch, as sometimes happens in life. I know she's married with a son who I'm guessing is around 20 now.

Randomly one day a few months ago, I got thinking of her and could remember her Mums landline number (probably because we called each other so much back then before mobiles!)

I rang and spoke to her Mum. She remembered me and we had a brief chat. I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

I drop said friend a little message, along the lines of "hey old friend. Surprise! A little blast from your past. Ask how she's doing, tell her she had popped into my mind etc, explained how I'd amazingly remembered her parents home number etc. and just thought it would be good to check in all these years later now we're adulting 😊

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

So I respond fairly briefly, tell her I'm married, where I'm living now etc. Casually say it would be nice to one day catch up for a coffee is she fancies it sometime.

That's it.

Stays on the grey tick. I got blocked. Obviously she never responded.

I can't understand. It's made me feel utterly crap. I'm obviously overthinking it, but who wouldn't. I've never done anything to offend her. I get that life moves on. Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!) Just thought it was a nice little checkin to an old friend I'd lost touch with.

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi, was thinking of you and the fun times we has message - instead I come away from an innocently nice gesture feeling like I've been punched in the stomach (and also like a complete idiot!!)

She only lives about 10 miles from me, so I dread if I ever bump into her, I'd feel incredibly awkward now on how to navigate!

Anyone else had odd situations like this that fester in your mind?

OP why are you looking back?

Are you lonely right now?

Generally people move on. You lost touch for a reason.

what’s that saying a friend is for a reason, a season, a something I can’t remember.

You had your season with her long ago. Don’t chase the past or ghosts.

Find new people who are going to become new good friends. It works so much better and no baggage from the past.

The past should stay in the past. Social media is very very toxic with regards to this. I hate it for that.

You're not, it's just that on mumsnet you have to receive an engraved invitation from someone then RSVP before you're allowed to contact them or god forbid, visit them. And don't talk about anything but the weather to avoid triggering their mental health. 🙄

You are not creepy OP. People on here are being weird. I've contacted loads of people from my past and vice versa. It's always been fine. Some I'm back to being good friends with and we meet up. Others, we never spoke again.
You were fine to reach out. You took a chance, nothing wrong with that. For whatever reason she's not keen but I wouldn't take it personally.

Just as well idgaf about what you think then isn’t it

Why didn’t you just look her up on social media? That’s basically what it’s for.

If a not particularly close friend to whom I hadn’t spoken in circa 20 years rang my parents, I’d be a bit weirded out. As would they.

Also, if I haven’t seen or spoken to someone in that long, it’s unlikely I’d want to have a coffee with them.

Nothing terrible has happened, so perhaps just chalk it up to experience and move on. I wouldn’t advise doing this again/to anyone else, though.

Honestly OP, don't take it to heart.
I would think that whatever place she is in, she may not have the time or space to catch up.
I doubt it is deeper than that.
You sound lovely.

I was going through an airport and met an old friend like that. We nearly missed our flights because we were stood having such a laugh. We had a lot of shared great memories from the 90's too.
We didn't arrange to meet up as life is just too busy but we hugged and wished each other so well.
It was really lovely.

friends, not super close though

Don’t waste anymore time or effort or feelings of hurt over someone from your past that you weren’t close with. Life’s too short.

I think when we are in the mood for reminiscing and catching up, it seems to never coincide with when the other party is in the mood for the same.

I’ve had people over the years reach out to me for catch ups etc and at that time I seemed to be able to think of nothing worse!! Yet last year I reached out to an old friend from school to see how she was, it was plainly obvious she could not have been less interested in speaking to me!! It stung so much at the time, but upon reflection I’m sure I’ve left a few people feeling that way too,

Things don’t always work out OP, but I wouldn’t spend time worrying about something like this.

This reminds me of a tik tok trend. I know mn hate tik tok. Anyway basically it says you are on season 15 when a character contacts you from season 1. You are thinking no way. They haven't done anything wrong you just have moved on.

You haven't done anything wrong or been weird. Just move on now.

The hint is that she hasn't replied to your additional message.

I wish a friend from school would contact me again.

We'd lost touch when she moved abroad. She sent a Christmas card 3 years ago with her address in. I was working away and DH told me. I was really pleased and asked him to put it to one side to make a note of it but MiL came round, 'tidied up' and threw it out before I returned home.

My friend will believe I haven't replied but I had wanted to get in touch with her.

Okay so you only had her parents number but a) she was a social acquaintance and not a good bff b) it was decades ago c) even if her mum insisted on giving you her number you should have given yours to her mum and let her contact you if she’d wanted to. Then she’d have had choice, it seems more than a little intrusive even if you meant well. Can you really not see that? And you did ask her to meet up fairly early on from the sounds of it?

A friend from 20 years ago does not owe you friendship in the present day. She could have dealt with it in a kinder way, however.

I really don’t want to sound like rude, but if one of my old drinking buddies from twenty years ago phoned my Mother as they remembered the number (again - after twenty years, completely out of the blue) … I don’t think I would be particularly open to it, life moves on and it’s a bit odd. Sorry x

You weren't really friends.

I would think it weird if someone I wasn't close to from decades ago phoned my parents. It's seriously overstepping a boundary

Why do you even have the phone number from all those years ago?

You’re not weird at all. Don’t let it get to you. If you reflect on it more you might realise that you possibly didn’t have that much in common. She may well reply though - when did you send the message. Either way, don’t beat yourself up over any of it.

Lol

I used to try and reach out to people from the past (usually people I went to school with). It took me a while to realise and accept that people don't always want to stay in touch.

It's just how life is.

But why creepy? The friend has the choice not to maintain contact and has taken that decision. The OP hasn't overstepped any marks as far as I can see. The mother gave the number. Perhaps if it was an ex date but an old friend who knows the family isn't an intrusion as long as they don't keep pushing now it's clear the interest isn't reciprocated for whatever reason.

I ... mean ... I can't quite decide why what you did is so creepy or bad. I honestly think it's the times we live in ... everyone's closed off, minding their business, being selfish, always pretending to be busy and not having time for friends... and then you appear and make space for someone you last saw decades ago ... it's a nice thought and a nice thing but I think in the context of modern times, unfortunate, all people's minds go into twisted places and she probably thought:

1. There is something wrong with you mentally to suddenly think of her.
2. She got annoyed you contacted her mom.
3. She thought you will ask for money/favour etc.

People nowadays always assume you have an agenda and even though you sound absolutely innocent in your intents it's the crazy and twisted times we live in.

I'm sorry you got ignored. I would absolutely love it if someone from my 20s approached me in a friendly manner.

I'm thinking she just hasn't read the last message or rather than blocking you. It could be that she just isn't interested in getting back in touch, don't take it personally.

10 miles is ages away, the chances of bumping into each other are slim to none.

Have you said if it's two grey ticks or one? To be honest if she has blocked you perhaps there was something that happened or something you did that you thought nothing off but she did and you contacting her reminded her of it and she just didn't want to get involved again, or perhaps she's not in a good place and hearing about where you are now triggered her. Or perhaps something has happened to her phone. I'd leave it, you'll drive yourself worrying and it could be all manner of things!

Agreed.

I’ve blocked two friends over the years, just because we no longer had anything in common and I no longer wanted to see them/exchange pointless annual texts/cards. I don’t think your friend has been rude, she’s probably just like me and doesn’t see the point. I don’t think it’s personal, although I understand you probably feel hurt, you’ve reached out and she’s ignored you. You’ve just moved on, it’s so common. Don’t be upset, you’d lost touch so really, you’ve lost nothing.

PS: you’re not weird or creepy!

Yes I had something very recently. I drifted apart from an old school friend but still remember all the happy memories of times we were good friends. Hadn't heard from her in decades. Through a friend of a friend I was then given her email about a month ago. Texted just after her birthday, she was very pleasant. She said we should meet up , I replied to say yes please, any time is good ( as I can swap my working days). Since then, zippety zip De nada. I'm going to drop it and move on. There's nowt as queer as folks.

Thanks for all the kind (and not so kind messages!) I got in touch innocently to say hi, but now realise maybe I should have just left this friendship in the past. I'm a pretty sentimental person and was reminiscing, no weirdness intended, but as a lot have said, we were friends a long time ago so she probably doesn't want to reconnect and is in a different place in her life. The responses have made me feel slightly less tragic, so thankyou 😊