Old friend randomly blocked me

[Pureshores499]

For background purposes, I'm in my 40s now.
When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who I socialised a lot with (bars and clubs late 90's days) we had some amazing nights and were great friends, not super close though, mainly socially. As life progresses we both meet and marry, settle down etc. and lose touch, as sometimes happens in life. I know she's married with a son who I'm guessing is around 20 now.

Randomly one day a few months ago, I got thinking of her and could remember her Mums landline number (probably because we called each other so much back then before mobiles!)

I rang and spoke to her Mum. She remembered me and we had a brief chat. I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

I drop said friend a little message, along the lines of "hey old friend. Surprise! A little blast from your past. Ask how she's doing, tell her she had popped into my mind etc, explained how I'd amazingly remembered her parents home number etc. and just thought it would be good to check in all these years later now we're adulting 😊

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

So I respond fairly briefly, tell her I'm married, where I'm living now etc. Casually say it would be nice to one day catch up for a coffee is she fancies it sometime.

That's it.

Stays on the grey tick. I got blocked. Obviously she never responded.

I can't understand. It's made me feel utterly crap. I'm obviously overthinking it, but who wouldn't. I've never done anything to offend her. I get that life moves on. Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!) Just thought it was a nice little checkin to an old friend I'd lost touch with.

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi, was thinking of you and the fun times we has message - instead I come away from an innocently nice gesture feeling like I've been punched in the stomach (and also like a complete idiot!!)

She only lives about 10 miles from me, so I dread if I ever bump into her, I'd feel incredibly awkward now on how to navigate!

Anyone else had odd situations like this that fester in your mind?

I think she has things going on in her life and maybe the idea of having to catch someone up on very little/nothing exciting/hard events is not what she wants right now. It was obviously a fun time in her life that you shared but compared to the responsibilities of adult life,
maybe she doesn’t care or hold those times
as sentimentally to her heart as you do.

I don’t think it’s anything awful. Think she has serious stuff going on x If it was something to do with not liking you then she’d have just not replied at all.

I'm sorry but I would have done the same thing as your friend. You havent been in contact for 20 years and your "friendship" wasnt really a close one, it was based on partying and socialising in your 20s. You tracked her number down from her mum after 20 years of no contact and suddenly decide YOU want to meet for coffee. You dont seem to have considered that she has moved on, it was like you suddenly decided you wanted to meet up so thats that, but you have literally no idea what might be going on in her life right now- she might be going through all sorts of stress you have no idea of.

I think your intentions were good but they were still inappropriate. I am a completely different person in my 40s than I was in my 20s. I had clubbing mates back then who whilst nice, would have no place in my life now because I am simply not that person any more- I have moved on and made other, closer friends. You seem really, really shocked by this and I am surprised by that- you havent had contact for 20 years so I dont know why you now think you'll bump into her - you havent done so for the last 20 years so why would you now?

I understand it's a bit hurtful but you cant just expect people to show up for you out of the blue just because you have decided they should. I dont regret my past in any way but I wouldnt want to rekindle superficial friendships from 20 years ago when those people didnt bother to see how I was prior to that. It just seems very me me me on your part.

Did you try and find her on Facebook or anything before you called her Mum?

Honestly I would find it so intrusive, a clubbing acquaintance from another lifetime calling my mum for a chat and to get my details... far too much.

In my situation, which isn't unusual, I am nc with my mother and I also have an abusive ex who doesn't have my contact details so I would absolutely freak out at this.

Lesson learned though, just try the normal routes to contact old acquaintances or leave it alone.

I didn't store her Mums number 😂 in the 90s we all used home phones and I remember quite a few numbers from friends parents back in the day as we rang each other so often. Mobile numbers are stored by name so we don't tend to memorise numbers so much now. We were good friends years ago, so it didn't seem odd and I had a nice brief chat with her Mum as I knew her too. Obviously my old friend didn't want to reconnect, which I accept, just a bit sad to block as was only a hello. Strange how some people find catching up with a good friend from years gone by so weird. No wonder there are so many lonely people about.

No wonder there are so many lonely people about

Maybe she has loads of friends now which is why she doesnt need someone from the past? if she's lonely I doubt she'd be sitting around for 20 years waiting and hoping for someone from the 90s to contact her

I just asked her Mum if she remembered me. She did and we had a brief nice chat as I went to her home quite a few times. Nothing overly intrusive. I said it would be nice to catch up with my old friend and she said she thought she'd absolutely love that and proceeded to give me her number. We were good friends and I just thought it would be nice is all. I guess not.

I'm sure she does. Thanks for the kind reply.

Maybe you don't feel it was intrusive, but either the mum, this woman, or both of them did.

I'm sure you have the absolute best intentions, but you overstepped and made this woman feel uncomfortable.

One grey tick or two?
And can you see her profile picture (assuming she has one)?

I have read receipts turned off. Everyone stays grey.

This. You may have had good intentions but clearly this person felt you overstepped the mark. It was the meeting for coffee suggestion that made her block you so its clear your approach was just too much and too intense.

You dont need to overthink this - thats on you.

Hmmm...honestly I'd feel a bit weirded out if someone from decades ago phoned my mum on my old landline.

I think you completely innocently did what you thought was a spontaneous and kind thing. But it was a bit intrusive and probably appeared rather pushy from her POV.

So I don't think you per se are the reason she blocked you, but the way you went about it. Like others have said, why didn't you just use the usual social media routes?

Also, is there a chance that your life has turned out rather better than hers, and she just wanted to avoid an awkward comparison?

I have a friend who blocks and ghosts people regularly. It's her coping strategy.

There could be many reasons she has done this. She might be risk averse due to her personal circumstances. She could be simply busy and not have the head space for a re emerging old friend. She might lead a v busy life and not have time or inclination to reminisce.

Let it go.

I'm genuinely not trying to be unkind but your irritated response of "no wonder so many people are lonely" is a tad petulant.

Just because she doesnt want to meet up with you doesnt mean she isnt a friendly person or hasn't got friends in her life or will suffer as a result. You are making this all about you when as I said, you have no idea what might be going on for her now. Timing is everything here- if she is going through a difficult time personally or health wise or with her kids, having someone from 20 years ago ask to go for coffee would make me feel kind of irritated and pressured. It's not personal to you, it entirely depends on how her life is right now and maybe she doesn't have the headspace to re-connect. Or, maybe she is suspicious why you suddenly want contact now after 20 years of not being bothered how she was...

I think this is lovely OP to reach out. Stuff those that say otherwise. You've done nothing wrong.

So do I.

I reached out to an old friend a couple of years ago when I was on holiday for my best friend's wedding. There were 3 of us who used to always hang around together when we were 17/18. one of them was the best man(I knew he was going to be but we hadn't seen each other in about 20 years). We got drunk on our first night there and we messaged this other friend with a really drunken photo saying look who I've found 😂.

We met up a few weeks later it was just like old times. Sometimes you have to take a chance.

You’ve been pretty resolutely ignoring everyone who asks whether you tried to find this woman on social media before you rang her mother. I assume this means you didn’t? May I ask why?

Dropping an old friend a ‘long time no speak, how’s life?’ message on FB or Insta is much less invasive and far more likely to get a positive response. They might still ignore you, but at least you haven’t rung their mum.

Is it possible that she did things that you know about and she doesn't want people to know in her current life so she's panicked and blocked?
I openly admit I was a bit of a wild child in my 20s (nothing illegal) but I'm honest about it, however I know a friend of mine likes to pretend she has always been wholesome and angelic to anyone who didn't know us then 😂

If it had been me, I’d have probably been happy to hear from you, but to be honest, I can understand why she may be freaked out. You remembered her mum’s landline number from over 30 years ago and rang it. Some might find it endearing that you were remembering her fondly enough to memorise the number and actually contact her, but equally some people might think it’s rather odd.

She's rude, you've done nothing wrong

I remember my boyfriend's phone number from 1987. It's not that odd.

Don't take this personally

This isn't about you its just that plenty of people feel overwhelmed keeping up with current friends. Nice as it would be...I just couldn't make time for someone I lost touch with 20 years ago. There are so many current friends I barely see enough

Dropping an old friend a ‘long time no speak, how’s life?’ message on FB or Insta is much less invasive and far more likely to get a positive response. They might still ignore you, but at least you haven’t rung their mum

I agree. A casual social media message is much less pressured and more relaxed. I’d be far more likely to reply to that than someone calling my mum and messaging me out of the blue. It feels a bit odd frankly. Why didn’t you contact her via SM?

I can remember loads of numbers from years ago, but many people don’t have that good a memory and find it freaky that people remember small details from that far back. I’ve been called weirdo many times for having a good memory 🤣. I’m also assuming that despite the fact you remembered the number, you wouldn’t ring it? That’s kind of the point. Not only did she remember, but she actually rang the number as opposed to searching for her social media.

I wouldn't ring it as he doesn't live there anymore and if I wanted to talk to him I'd text him.