Old friend randomly blocked me

[Pureshores499]

For background purposes, I'm in my 40s now.
When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who I socialised a lot with (bars and clubs late 90's days) we had some amazing nights and were great friends, not super close though, mainly socially. As life progresses we both meet and marry, settle down etc. and lose touch, as sometimes happens in life. I know she's married with a son who I'm guessing is around 20 now.

Randomly one day a few months ago, I got thinking of her and could remember her Mums landline number (probably because we called each other so much back then before mobiles!)

I rang and spoke to her Mum. She remembered me and we had a brief chat. I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

I drop said friend a little message, along the lines of "hey old friend. Surprise! A little blast from your past. Ask how she's doing, tell her she had popped into my mind etc, explained how I'd amazingly remembered her parents home number etc. and just thought it would be good to check in all these years later now we're adulting 😊

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

So I respond fairly briefly, tell her I'm married, where I'm living now etc. Casually say it would be nice to one day catch up for a coffee is she fancies it sometime.

That's it.

Stays on the grey tick. I got blocked. Obviously she never responded.

I can't understand. It's made me feel utterly crap. I'm obviously overthinking it, but who wouldn't. I've never done anything to offend her. I get that life moves on. Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!) Just thought it was a nice little checkin to an old friend I'd lost touch with.

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi, was thinking of you and the fun times we has message - instead I come away from an innocently nice gesture feeling like I've been punched in the stomach (and also like a complete idiot!!)

She only lives about 10 miles from me, so I dread if I ever bump into her, I'd feel incredibly awkward now on how to navigate!

Anyone else had odd situations like this that fester in your mind?

You know where her bodies are buried! She is probably a very different person now and possibly cringes at anyone having memories of her wild(ish) youth and doesn’t particularly want to be reminded of them, or you telling people stuff she’s never discussed. I may be wrong but there are lots of reasons why people aren’t keen to revive the past that aren’t personal at all.

I think you need to analyse your feeling that she owes you her time. She doesn't want to respond further or meet up ..that's her perogative. You can only feel offended if you think this reflects on you personally and that she owes you the commitment of meeting up again

You said yourself you were not close friends. You didn't stay in touch.

This is not someone you know well at all and if she has kids or busy job or life problems then she is highly likely to think...she doesn't want yo start a friendship and doesn't feel the need to explain.

You don't need to take this personally at all. Just accept she doesn't need to give you her time.

But she's probably not blocked you? Just read it at the top of her phone and swiped it away. You're probably in her archived messages. Or she deleted the chat. I do it all the time when I don't want to open something 🤣

Having said that, take the hint if she's not replied.

Lots of people really scraping the bottom of the barrel to find something mean to say! OP, if I were your friend I would be thrilled to hear from you- I love meeting up with old friends, and would happily have them over. It seems completely normal to me to get in touch with the mum and for her to give you contact info for her daughter. People on here are just desperate to find something to criticise...

As for why she didn't answer, it is probably something in her life right now, maybe a medical or relationship issue that is consuming her thoughts- perhaps something her mum doesn't even know about (as her mum thought she would be thrilled to hear from you). Try not to feel bad about it; I know it's hard, but this is probably nothing to do with you, just like the nastiness on mumsnet is nothing to do with you...

I worked in a supermarket 28 years ago. The lemon mousses never scanned properly so you had to key in the bar code number. I can still remember the number.

I don’t think that means you’ve been blocked. It just shows she hasn’t opened the message. To no honest it won’t be personal, maybe her marriage is going through a rough patch/personal problems. Just give it time you might get a reply later down the line when you don’t expect it.

Perhaps something traumatic happened to her in the time you were friends, she's moved on from that now but your contact triggered bad memories (as to which, no reason you should or would know, but this seems like a possibility to me).

Mine was school reunion page. We met up we both 51. I did feel silly made few attempts to meet again she seem really keen too. Left it to her then.. odd text thats it

This is something I ponder about at times. I have a couple of friends from my past with whom I got on really well. Had loads of adventures as we were all young, reckless and bold but I feel that now we would have nothing in common as our lives have worked out very differently. I see the Instagram posts of one of them, and although I know that it is literally just a snap shot of their life it makes me feel dull and inadequate which is a big reason for not wanting to meet up. We "like" each others posts and that is now all there is to a once warm and deep friendship. We grow, we change, we have things in common at one stage of life that then fall away as life takes on different paths. She has had quite a blessed life whereas I have faced some quite tough times and this has created a distance between us.

Yes, I think you are overacting. You havent seen this person since the 90s but you feel like you've been punched in the gut because she doesnt want to reconnect? There could be a thousand reasons why its not convenient for her right now and none of them may be to do with you.

OP ignore the hate, this forum is full of people who don't answer the door or have friends.
You did a lovely thing, this says more about her than you.
I get sentimental too, the people from my past all had a part in shaping me.
Put it in the fuck it bucket and move on

I don’t think you did anything wrong op and no doubt the reason she doesn’t want to reconnect is about you not her. Maybe she’s single and hates it, maybe she got fat or thinks she looks old now and is embarrassed, maybe she’s dealing with something her mum doesn’t know about and doesn’t have any spare energy for connecting with people. It could be anything. You’ll never know why, but try to just enjoy the memories and not worry that her reaction is something to do with you.

I wouldn’t take it to heart, she probably doesn’t have any interest in catching up after so long. I wouldn’t either to be honest.

Who knows what she going through and you popping up like SURPRISEEEE!! could have been a bit annoying.

I don’t see the problem. I think it’s odd she would block you. Are you sure she just hasn’t read the message?

You’re getting a hard time OP but you haven’t done anything wrong.

I do agree that a SM approach rather than via her mum would’ve been better - I’d also have waited a little before asking for a meet up. However, what you did was friendly and perfectly reasonable, and the reasonable response if she wasn’t bothered would have been to just say that.

One grey tick indicates it hasn't been delivered to her phone so being blocked is likely. If it had been delivered but unread it would have 2 grey ticks.

I can understand why someone would block if they hadn't consented to giving out their phone number. She didnt actually give her phone number out- her mum did.

Yeah this. ^ I wouldn't want anything to do with someone I used to socialise with for several years 25-30 years ago. I would think it very odd, and would not accept the friend request, And I would probably block them.

In fact, a woman I worked with 20-21 years ago (she only worked there for 6 months) tried to add me on Facebook last year, and I didn't accept. Just left the request hanging. After a week, she messaged me saying 'I'd have thought you'd have accepted my friend request by now!' with an emoji like this >>> So I blocked her.

I used to get people trying to add me as a friend on Facebook who I went to school with 30-35 years before. Had no contact since then, and wasn't close at school anyway. WHY? Are they just trying to build up their friend count or something? Mate, you've not tried to make contact with me or speak to me since school! I just block them.

I get the same in my village. 5 or 6 women sent me friend requests, and I have never spoken to them in real life. I accepted, but half of them of them walk past me in the village and don't acknowledge me. They never 'like' any of my posts or photographs either. And they have 1000+ 'friends.' It's so odd. I have just put them on restricted friends, so they see nothing I post. No point, seeing as they never bloody acknowledge anything anyway!

For what its worth, I don't think you're weird.

I get your point but people change alot in 20 years and even things we would be ok with then we find not ok now. I think if a past friend called my mum I would find it quite odd. I don't think this is something you should have done. Then asking for her number etc...times have changed and people are very aware of privacy. It would have been different I think if you just contacted her through messenger on fb or something like that.

Or maybe she isn’t happy with how her life has turned out. And hearing from you reminds her of a previous life when her hopes for the future were high. Anyway, not a reflection on you.

I did of course check Facebook first, but I have no idea of her married surname and there was nothing under her Maiden name. I don't have any other friends who are still in touch with her.

Thank goodness someone on here doesn't find me creepy or weird 🙈😂😂

You haven't done anything wrong OP, you said hello to an old friend and she said hello back. She doesn't want to take it further but that probably has nothing at all to do with how she remembers you. She'll just be busy or preoccupied or have enough social life as it is. Or she'll have a policy of not renewing old friendship. Her loss!
I had an odd version of this recently when a very old friend contacted me, we chatted a bit over a few weeks, and I said that I'd be moving closer to her the following year and would contact her again after moving. I did, a couple of times, and didn't get a single reply! Didn't take it personally though - her mood had changed most likely and she wasn't interested in the past any more.

Oh - I forgot to say - my old friend rang my Mum too because she remembered the number! Mum was delighted to hear from her and had a lovely chat!

It's in the fuck bucket now 😂 I like that!! 👍