Page 10 | Boyfriend wont attend my birthday party

TrixieMixie · 03/11/2024 18:20

He’s married. Ask him for Sunday lunch. If he says no, he’s definitely married.

pikkumyy77 · 03/11/2024 18:28

Whether he is married or not he is uncommitted to this relationship. I think the “he is married “ thing is doing a disservice to the OP because with her access to his apartment she just won’t believe it.

But he may have a double social life with a work flirtation that he doesn’t want to end, ir a side relationship with a married woman, or HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO HER because being enthusiastic and public about one’s relationship is the norm, not the exception.

If my bf wasn’t willing to be excited and proud to show me off and to celebrate with me I hope I would have had the strength of mind to throw him out before we advanced to marriage. (Five years long distance relationship in which he flew coast to coast to see me everymonth. Nothing was too much trouble if he knew it would please me. That has continued for 33 years.) if a man can’t bd bothered in the early stages he never will.

Kjpt140v · 03/11/2024 18:33

I'm sure this one has been posted before. Bytheway he's in another relationship.

Single50something · 03/11/2024 19:06

He might not be married or in another relationship...but could maybe want to still be with someone else. Been in similar situation where bf would go away for weekends but wouldn't go to anything local with me/be seen out with me etc. Obv ended well.. def get rid

noodlebugz · 03/11/2024 19:52

Start you 30’s without this one!

Redrunnynose · 03/11/2024 20:06

I'd be embarrassed if my partner didn't come to my 30th party too, especially if he was around. He'll be tired but hey ho, you just go the extra mile for someone you are supposed to love.

I'd definitely not go on the weekend away, showing him how it feels to arrange something that you chose not to go to. And I'd finish it and find someone who respects both you and your feelings.

abracadabra1980 · 03/11/2024 20:06

Two options:

He's either already married or committed elsewhere

or

Has major social anxiety which he's managed to hide so far.

Teachertired92 · 03/11/2024 20:06

Just to play devils advocate, if he’s on a residential he’s likely going to get 1-2 hours sleep on the nights he’s away, if he’s away more than one night I would say he’s probably going to be too tired to go and maybe arrange something a different time? If he still has excuses to avoid meeting your friends he’s not being fair

Jack80 · 03/11/2024 20:06

Explain your friend are important in your life and even if he doesn't want to associate with your friends, he needs to show up even with his mates to your party.

DisabledDemon · 03/11/2024 20:38

Wtafdidido · 02/11/2024 04:32

Either he’s just not that into you and you are a stop gap until something better comes along or he has a wife! You sure he’s on a residential? It’s half term most places! Attending a significant birthday celebration with someone’s friends and families is a major “we are a couple” statement!

One of the students I tutor has been on a school trip abroad over half-term so he could be - but otherwise, it all sounds very odd.

Penguinmouse · 03/11/2024 20:41

Ditch this one. You’re having a big birthday and he won’t make the effort to join you. Hes showing you what he’s like.

Teddybear23 · 03/11/2024 21:22

I can’t imagine anything worse than going to a party when you don’t know anyone (except you)! You’ll be chatting with your friends/colleagues and with the best will in the world he’s bound to feel left out and awkward 😬

HardyCrow · 03/11/2024 21:25

MadinMarch · 02/11/2024 09:36

You said earlier that the residential wasn't planned until after you'd fixed the date of your meal? School residential are planned a very long way in advance, up to a year usually. I assume you didn't book the restaurant this time last year?
Find out when 'the residential' is supposedly starting and go to the meeting place and see if there's a load of kids and their parents with suitcases etc. I suspect there won't be.
Or find out where they're going and make up a reason to phone the accommodation to see if it's happening.

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This

MintShaker · 03/11/2024 21:31

Some people find parties stressful. I'm like that, I'd probably make the effort but it would be reluctantly. The stress would be very real. He's done loads for you to celebrate together which is the important thing. Let the poor guy off the hook and go and enjoy yourself without torturing him 😆

riceuten · 03/11/2024 21:34

He's got someone else on the go. Probably someone you know

BlueRaincoat1 · 03/11/2024 21:43

I had an on-off boyfriend who didn't come to my 30th. I was embarrassed. He also didn't want me to go to his birthday drinks because I was going to his 'proper' birthday meal thing. I was embarrassed.
He was a tart, he was also having it off with a colleague. I think he didn't come to mine partly because we weren't fully together at the time, but also because my friends knew he was a dick and he didn't want to be around them.
I would be concerned that he has had, or is having, a thing with someone you know.

MustWeDoThis · 03/11/2024 22:16

5599katherine · 02/11/2024 04:09

AIBU?
My boyfriend and I have been dating nearly a year and he is strangly relucant to meet my friends or let me meet his friends.
I have questioned him about this on many occasions and I still get the same excuses that hes scared, he is mostly friends with work colleagues and he didnt think it was appropriate etc. I am so upset with all the excuses.

Its my 30th birthday next weekend and we are going for a weekend away. Hes planned it all and Im looking forward to it.
The following week, its my birthday party with all of my friends, around 15 of them which includes work colleagues too. I have booked a table in a nice restaurant which also has a dance floor etc.
Obviously, I have asked him to come to which he has said he will try, but hes on a residential school trip during the week (hes a teacher) and he will be really tired and probably wont want to make it.

He says we are going for the weekend away so surely thats enough?
I just feel that hes making excuses because he doesnt want to meet my friends.

Red flag for me - Sounds like he doesn't want to be recognised by people his wife/other GF might now. Otherwise, he thinks it's beneath him.

Get rid. Your gut is telling you something is wrong.

TheMamaLife · 03/11/2024 22:34

Wtafdidido · 02/11/2024 04:32

Either he’s just not that into you and you are a stop gap until something better comes along or he has a wife! You sure he’s on a residential? It’s half term most places! Attending a significant birthday celebration with someone’s friends and families is a major “we are a couple” statement!

Agree 100%

This happened to me… I was the stop gap (found out afterwards…) wasted 9 years!! Be glad it’s only been 1 for you.

Shudahaddogs · 03/11/2024 23:04

Dontsparethehorses · 02/11/2024 05:05

so I was all set to say YANBU until I read the excuse - if he’s on residential all week he will be absolutely exhausted. Utterly bone tired and he’s never met your friends before so will be ‘on show’ and not able just to relax. I don’t think not meeting them for a year before hand is right - but I do totally get his reason for not attending your
party as disappointing as it is.

Are you his mother?

NannaKaren · 03/11/2024 23:24

Get rid

pikkumyy77 · 04/11/2024 03:10

Teddybear23 · 03/11/2024 21:22

I can’t imagine anything worse than going to a party when you don’t know anyone (except you)! You’ll be chatting with your friends/colleagues and with the best will in the world he’s bound to feel left out and awkward 😬

Not everyone has crippling social anxiety.

MadeInYorkshire69 · 04/11/2024 06:57

Going to be gentle here to you both. Teachers are always tired and need lots of decompression. I’m assuming he is similar age to you so it’s only going to get worse as he gets older. You are not compatible energy or social battery wise, so it’s probably wise to call it a day on this, while you are still young. Go and have a fabulous birthday celebration.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/11/2024 07:30

I don’t care how tired anyone is, it’s a pathetic excuse for a young man who’s fit enough to go on a residential, not to go to his other half’s milestone birthday do. An acquaintance’s party, yes, partner’s milestone, no. You’d drag yourself there if needs be but you’d be there.

Gloriia · 04/11/2024 09:29

BitOutOfPractice · 04/11/2024 07:30

I don’t care how tired anyone is, it’s a pathetic excuse for a young man who’s fit enough to go on a residential, not to go to his other half’s milestone birthday do. An acquaintance’s party, yes, partner’s milestone, no. You’d drag yourself there if needs be but you’d be there.

Edited

I'm not sure you could describe the op as the other half. They are only 30, don't live together and seem to have a casual relationship. The boyfriend possibly sees a meal out with girlfriends (as said in the op, a table booked in a nice restaurant) as not something he has to attend.

The issue isn't the birthday, the issue is he seems to want a more casual relationship perhaps and the op wants a serious relationship with commitment so a chat needs to be had about their future.

niffynickers · 04/11/2024 09:50

It could be first signs of controlling tac-tics to isolate you. Beware! Hope I'm wrong but be aware