To just not wish to reply when cancelled on?

[ChimneySweepLiverpool]

A friend of mine from a previous job (almost 20 years ago) has cancelled on me a number of times this past year. She always has a family drama and cancels. It's always oh my DM needs me to call over, oh my DB needs this, etc. I have always sent a sympathic message but I don't feel a priority to this person anymore.

I knew she would cancel our lunch tomorrow and I was correct. I received another family emergency text. I don't mean to sound unreasonable but I don't want to reply again. I think surely you could fit a friend in for an hour to have tea..... I don't wish to sound selfish but I can't be arsed to chase her/sympathise anymore

I have an old friend like this. I'm at a point where I just message back "OK" and leave it at that. I was cancelled on yet again last week and haven't been in touch since. I'm done with it.

I have a friend or 2 with "commitment" issues. I just keep things short and sweet ... "okay", "sure", "no probs" or the last straw... thumbs up emoji.

Life goes on... just don't hang on for them. So if something else comes up cancel on them, don't say "oh I can't, I'm going out with x..." who will probably cancel...

I have a friend like this. She did it again last week. I answered because I know her dad genuinely is unwell but if it hadn't been that excuse she would have come up with another one. I know the true reason is she CBA.

From now on I'm not inviting her anywhere again. I'll enjoy her company when our paths cross but I'm not setting myself up for another cancellation. I won't be accepting any invitations from her either.

I often have to cancel arrangements I've made because of a family emergency. I care for my dad who has dementia and he takes priority. I'd not look too favourably on a friend who couldn't understand that either.

I don't know your friends circumstances, and likely you don't either. I'd be more inclined to ask her if everything is OK. If you then deem she's being flaky for no reason just don't make any further plans with her.

I always do ask if everything is OK @DelicateSoundOfEchos and have always followed up/sent cards etc. We speak often by WhatsApp and have many friends in common so I know what is happening in her life. We all have emergencies, of course

Just reply with OK. I already have plans for the xth November. See what happens then.

I don't mean to be rude but has she moved on from your friendship now that you don't have work in common? It just you say she goes out a lot with her other friends but yet is always cancelling on you.

We haven't worked together in a long time @purplecorkheart but we had remained friends. We have been flatmates since and would be at every birthday/wedding/life events. I'd also know her lovely husband well

Here’s another version:

---

I totally understand your frustration—I’ve been there. I had a friend who constantly cancelled on me, always claiming health issues or other last-minute reasons. Every time I offered support or tried to be there for her, she’d just disappear. And then came my wedding…

1. She first bailed on my hen do, sending a message two hours before we were due at the airport saying she couldn’t come. Her excuse? She said she’d tripped and given herself a black eye. It felt like a bizarre, convenient story.

1. I had a bad feeling she might not show up on the wedding day either. She messaged our group chat saying she was excited to see everyone and couldn’t wait to see me in my dress. But, as I feared, she didn’t show—and didn’t follow up with a single word.

Up until then, I’d struggled with doubting her but also trying to be supportive. Losing a friend like that hurts, especially as it’s hard to make new connections as an adult when people already have their groups. But in hindsight, I can see that this was toxic behavior, and sometimes letting go is the healthiest choice, even when it’s difficult.

Ps. It's been months and we haven't spoke.

I had a friend like that. I gave her one last chance, but she let me down, again. From that day, I didn't bother with her again. It was a sad time for me as we'd been friends for many years. She was spreading herself too thinly, trying to be all things to everyone.

I would leave it a few hours then reply "ok"

Then I would never contact her again.

She's incredibly rude and not worth your time.

And does she give detailed responses and realistic replies when you ask, or do they just seem like fake stories?

@goawaynottoday they are real stories but not exactly emergencies, if that makes sense. They are things happening in life but not necessarily things that need sorting that exact afternoon (example: DB is struggling after an injury last week. I'm going over for tea to cheer him up)

I think I'd reply something like that's a shame, it's happened a few times now, I hope everything's OK. Then make no further effort.

What happens when you have something like that in your life? Would she drop them for you?

Some people just have a hero complex, my MIL is like that. She "has" to go and interfere help so she can tell other people abut how great she was at helping.

If it's not that then yeah it sounds like it's excuses to pull back from the friendship.

No, she wouldn't drop anything for me and I wouldn't look for her to really

Then she is being shitty to you @ChimneySweepLiverpool it really does sound like she's very rudely got you as a 'meh' friend and would maybe keep her date with you if she could be arsed with you.
Either she's- held you on a peg in case she had a better offer, she's lazy and can't be bothered to make an effort either way she rude!

This

In that case I would just reply "Sorry I can't make that date". Nothing else.

I'd leave her on read. See if she follows up with you.

Don't waste your time and energy on her - channel it on the friends you have that do value you.

This.

I would say thanks for letting me know. And leave it.

Don't rearrange and if she tries to just say I'm really busy at minute.

I just asked chat gpt what Dolly Parton would advise you to do and its this:

Dolly Parton is known for her wisdom, positivity, and strong sense of self-worth. While she hasn’t addressed this specific scenario, we can draw from her general outlook on life and relationships. Here are some potential pieces of advice inspired by her philosophy:

1. *Value Yourself*: Dolly often emphasizes the importance of self-worth. She might encourage you to recognize your value and not settle for friendships where you feel undervalued or neglected.

1. *Communicate Openly*: She believes in being direct yet kind. Dolly might suggest that you express your feelings to your friend, letting her know how her repeated cancellations affect you.

1. *Prioritize Positivity*: Dolly has a knack for spreading joy and positivity. She might advise focusing on relationships that uplift you and bring happiness into your life, rather than those that cause frustration.

1. *Embrace Change*: Life is full of changes, and Dolly often talks about adapting to them. She might remind you that it's okay to let go of relationships that no longer serve you, allowing space for new, more fulfilling connections.

1. *Be Compassionate but Assertive*: While she promotes compassion, Dolly would also likely encourage you to set boundaries. You can empathize with your friend’s struggles but also stand firm in your own needs.

In the spirit of Dolly’s wisdom, remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize your well-being and seek relationships that reciprocate your care and attention.

It's a shame when genuine people get let down like this and have no other option but to give up and eventually get fed up. Then so many wonder why they end up lonely. This person clearly doesn't want to meet up and had plenty of chances. They might find out how that feels one day.

She is a total social butterfly, the type to know everyone and is loved by many. Very successful and someone I've spent time comparing myself to. We are linked in many ways, including my cousin working with them, and it's really sad because I've kinda put them on a pedastal

Take them off the bloody pedestal then. If she's a "social butterfly" then you know for sure she is managing to meet up with others and her excuses are BS and its only you she is flaking on- that makes her insincere and a liar.

This person really isnt as wonderful as you seem to be painting them out to be. She sounds like a twat TBH