To just not wish to reply when cancelled on?

[ChimneySweepLiverpool]

A friend of mine from a previous job (almost 20 years ago) has cancelled on me a number of times this past year. She always has a family drama and cancels. It's always oh my DM needs me to call over, oh my DB needs this, etc. I have always sent a sympathic message but I don't feel a priority to this person anymore.

I knew she would cancel our lunch tomorrow and I was correct. I received another family emergency text. I don't mean to sound unreasonable but I don't want to reply again. I think surely you could fit a friend in for an hour to have tea..... I don't wish to sound selfish but I can't be arsed to chase her/sympathise anymore

can we get married. You’re amazing 👍😂

I had a friend like this who would constantly either turn up late/ cancel last minute but would be furious if that was the other way around.

Final straw was 2 years ago when she asked to come meet my newborn DS then didn’t turn up. We haven’t spoken since and my life has been significantly better without her.

Perfect. Just okay is a pretty clear sign you're annoyed and don't believe it without giving her too much.

Time to move on. You are no longer important to them.

The thumbs 👍 up icon is what I would use in response here, nothing else.

It's suitability PA but cannot be called out as such

Love using 👍 at slightly inappropriate times It's the picture that says a thousand words ( actually, usually two, fuck and you)

It's annoyed you enough to post about it - consider that.
Sounds like this friend places you low on her priorities and bumps you down not once but a consecutive number of times.
Time to move on. No one is worth making you feel that unloved.

I wouldn’t bother to reply and wouldn’t contact her again.

I would reply nicely, but just don’t make any arrangements going forward. Perhaps she has a lot going on, perhaps you aren’t a priority. Either way no need to make an issue with it, just stop putting yourself out for her.
Or you could have a chat about it, depends on the friendship.

Ah now you see, it makes a big difference that she finds time for others and doesn't let them down...
I used to be the one to cancel, coz of blasted unpredictable migraine attacks.
I got dropped and it made me feel shit that not only was I genuinely too unwell to participate in meet ups etc, but I was also being rejected by friends, so losing a much needed social lifeline.
I expect that one could say they weren't really friends if I was dropped like so...

I think that if you KNOW you're being used or messed around, then it's time to either cool things off, or have an honest (it need not be confrontational) chat with the friend.

She probably sees you as a B friend then, and will only honour priorities if a preferable A option doesn’t crop up.

I probably wouldn’t even reply. And then just quietly block and remove from socials a month or two down the line. It doesn’t sound like you have mutual friends do unlikely to run into her socially again.

I'd respond with something like "ok, hope [family member] is better soon". But then I would not arrange anything else with her. That way you aren't heartless if something really bad is actually happening, but you save yourself any future angst.

I wouldn’t go passive aggressive I just would not reply. I know it will make you feel uncomfortable. However it’s important to sit with this discomfort. This will give you reflection time on how to value yourself at least as much as the other person.

If she comes back to you, fine, you can perhaps think again. Odds on she won’t. I don’t believe all the emergences. One maybe two. If she is very sociable, she’s had a better offer or she is doing this to phase out the friendship. Either way, it is in the long run better not to have this friend in your life as she isn’t being kind and considerate to you and her behaviour is a trigger to react in a way that means you treat yourself badly.

I'd have to reply saying something like:

"Oh dear, you're not having much luck with your family are you? They seem to always be unwell"!

Or reply:

"Let's take a rain check on meeting up. It seems like it wasn't to be"'

Perhaps I am old and jaded but I find there is a direct correlation between people’s tendency to cancel last-minute and people’s tendency to suffer family emergencies.

I’d just ignore it and if she comes back saying “Hi did you get my message?” I would just say “Yeah sorry I had a family emergency so couldn’t answer.”

I would go NC with them for messing me about, as this is just what I would do so if you choose to not reply YWDNBU.

True friends don't cancel on each other regularly like your bad friend does with you.

Regularly cancelling or postponing engagements is one of the symptoms of depression. Could you find out if the excuses are real? If she cancels on other engagements too, I would be worried about her MH.

I have a 3 strikes and you are out policy

I am someone who if I say I will do it I will do it. I have had some flaky friends along the way and if I get cancelled on 3 times I stop trying to initiate contact and most of the time the friendship dies as the other person doesn't contact me.

Don’t reply or just say okay and don’t bother with any follow ups

Yes I think I just wouldn’t bother anymore tbh. I think I would reply, “ok not to worry” this time and then just leave it.

I have a flaky friend. She's everyone's friend and very social and always suggests things but there's always a drama with the kids the morning of. I don't make arrangements to meet her on her own now, happy to see her as part of a group (which funnily enough she always turns up to).
I think you realise when you get older that if someone is difficult to spend time with/keep in touch with they probably aren't that close and actually now I'm in my 30s and busy I really don't have time or energy for flaky friends.

I like the thumbs up approach. Be vague if she messages again to meet up but don't tie down a date. Don't ask about family.

I had a friend who was the same.

Note the "had".

I stopped responding as basically I felt it was saying "it's ok" and giving her permission to drop me for better offers last minute, change our plans last minute and put me at the bottom of the pile.

I'd then get texts constantly saying "couldn't be helped" and basically continuing to justify to me (herself) why it's ok.

Eventually I'd reply with a 👍🏻 or "I went anyway and had a great time".

Eventually we drifted apart because as soon as I wasn't there at the drop of a text she wasn't interested.

I'm not sad. I'm mad at myself for not seeing the situation as it was sooner.

Shit friend.

Or "friend" more like.

I don't have time for people like that.

I'd rather stay home or go to a Museum or a matinee, Visit my local cafe terrace.

So you can't say OK or 👍 as it will look like you're agreeing to her rearrangement suggestion.

Perhaps, "I think it's best to leave it."
or "Let's just leave it."