To just not wish to reply when cancelled on?

[ChimneySweepLiverpool]

A friend of mine from a previous job (almost 20 years ago) has cancelled on me a number of times this past year. She always has a family drama and cancels. It's always oh my DM needs me to call over, oh my DB needs this, etc. I have always sent a sympathic message but I don't feel a priority to this person anymore.

I knew she would cancel our lunch tomorrow and I was correct. I received another family emergency text. I don't mean to sound unreasonable but I don't want to reply again. I think surely you could fit a friend in for an hour to have tea..... I don't wish to sound selfish but I can't be arsed to chase her/sympathise anymore

I would just reply: Ah sorry can’t make that. Speak soon.

When is the last time she arranged something with you?

If it's always you making the effort, it does sound like it might be time to move on from the friendship. I'd just reply with something like 'No worries, take care.'

I think the term “she’s just not that into you” applies to friendships as well as romantic relationships. Other things/people take priority for her.

Pull back, don’t be available, focus on other friends, leave this one in the past.

Take yourself out for lunch tomorrow, potter about the shops, buy yourself a treat, go to the cinema on your own. Hope you still have a nice day 🌷

What's the real reason she's cancelling?
Is she depressed or extremely shy?
I don't understand cancellers otherwise...

That's great actually.

I had a friend cancel on me the other week and say ‘I’ll let you know’ because her mum is unwell. She lives two minutes’ walk from her mum.

Just don’t reply at all.
If she’s socialising with others but always cancelling on you then you’re not a priority for her.

Don’t arrange any further dates, you’ll continue the cycle of feeling bad about yourself when she inevitably cancels. Let her be the one to make the going - if she wants to see you and follows up with another date suggestion even after your non-reply, then maybe respond with something like “let’s hope we can actually make it happen this time 😅” . Then in your head let it be her last chance - if she cancels next time, that’s it and you won’t bother anymore.

Reply to say - I'd love to see you but until you family circumstances improve, making plans in advance isn't working for either of us. If you are free at any point try texting me in the morning and if I am free too we can do a spontaneous meet up, hope you dm/db is ok and we can catch up sometime soon.

Next time send a message a couple of days before via WhatsApp with a poll entitled ‘I am cancelling this time because’

And use her top 5 reasons for cancellation.

She won’t even need to think of an excuse then and can just tick a box.

😂

I think friends ebb and flow, most people have things going on in their lives, I could write a book about it at the moment. I'd reply with sorry you've a lot going on, let's meet up in the new year once things have hopefully calmed down. If you want to give her one more chance, book another date, if you don't, then don't bother.

The frustrating thing is that these people are nearly always the ones doing the arranging in the first place.

If it’s on WhatsApp I’d probably just press that button which pops a little thumbs up sticker on their message. It acknowledges it without you having to make a direct response.

I'd go with a simple 'ok' so she knows you've seen the message and observed the minimum courtesy of acknowledgement.

Brilliant!

I’d send a mini thumbs up, an OK or nothing.

I would reply but I wouldn't suggest a new date.
It isn't impossible that these things which are happening in her life just happen to occur when she has arranged to meet you. I've had a similar situation where toothache, then a dental appointment, then a late minute holiday, then a funeral, then a cold, all fell on the same day of the week for seven consecutive weeks when I was supposed to be at a club.

I had a friend organise a meal and a few people confirmed. On the day, she said lets just go for coffee and then asked who was coming because she's obviously forgotten. When I confirmed, she said lets cancel today and rearrange for next week, to see if more people can come. She sent a message on the group and all the people that were meant to meet confirmed they could come the week after, except me. I found it so rude that I didn't even respond. Our friendship has certainly changed. She decided the people that were attending weren't obviously good enough for her.

Oh and she went for a coffee alone anyway. Just unbelievable.

It's not unreasonable that you feel that way, but personally I would just tell her how I feel instead of being passive aggressive. You're a grown up.

People use "family emergency" as an excuse to bail out when they just can't be bothered. They know that it sounds serious, so won't be questioned. In real life, proper emergencies are incredibly rare, and most of us will never have one.

This

She’s put you low priority - you say you think she wouldn’t cancel other friends like this. Suspect she had you on standby till she got another offer. So a simple ok will do.
Then I’d be concentrating on making and spending more time with people who won’t use you

It would be a quick 'Noted' from me.

I wouldn't reply either. If she is desperate enough to meet you she will contact YOU to re arrange. Leave the ball in her court and move on. Life's too short for messers like this.

Oh and if she ever asks why you didn't reply (she won't) you could always say you had a family emergency.