To just not wish to reply when cancelled on?

[ChimneySweepLiverpool]

A friend of mine from a previous job (almost 20 years ago) has cancelled on me a number of times this past year. She always has a family drama and cancels. It's always oh my DM needs me to call over, oh my DB needs this, etc. I have always sent a sympathic message but I don't feel a priority to this person anymore.

I knew she would cancel our lunch tomorrow and I was correct. I received another family emergency text. I don't mean to sound unreasonable but I don't want to reply again. I think surely you could fit a friend in for an hour to have tea..... I don't wish to sound selfish but I can't be arsed to chase her/sympathise anymore

Reply and tell her you’ve just lost £100 in a bet with your husband. He said you’d cancel again but I thought you wouldn’t.

If the message is split in 2 I would thumbs up to the first one about cancelling and if she has sent a separate message with a new date I would just ignore that message.

I just used to reply 'ok', after a few hours. If a rearrangement I say you let me know then. And always have a backup plan.

I also stopped asking her to do things. Just before she moved she said how she'd wanted to do things with me, 'if only I wanted to do things with her'.

Meaning she turned up when said activity interested her or she had exciting news to tell. Otherwise she cancelled.

I'd write "Oh thank god... I'd forgotten all about it. I've got plans with friends."
Let her feel like plan B and see how it feels.

I have a 'friend' like this too. I was good enough when I was useful to her but now she doesn't need me, she'd constantly arrange dates and then cancel. Eventually, I just started to reply 'Ok' and she got the message. We message each other from time to time but that's it.
There comes a point where you have to take the hint and accept things have changed unfortunately.

She doesn't want to meet up op. Just let it go and move on.

Loving @Theextraordinaryisintheordinary and @Fraaahnces responses.

I had a friend like this but she did other stuff that still stings now, some 4/5 years on so we aren't friends anymore!

I just stopped replying to her texts, WhatsApp, fb messenger 🙄

She knows what she did, she knows how upset I am by the silence. She still reaches out now, some 4 years later but she still gets ignored.

I'd reply 'sorry to hear that, I hope she's ok' and then don't accept or make any more invitations to her.

I wouldn’t bother to reply either.

I'm with you OP, don't reply. Just leave her message hanging.

I did exactly this with a pal who would would reliably cancel on me. One day after parking outside her proposed venue for coffee after I finished work I got the usual 'so sorry blah blah blah' message...felt like a complete idiot for putting the time aside for her and simply didn't reply.

Next time she suggested a meet up I had plans...and the time after that, I was busy. And so on. I will never give up a minute of my free time for her to dismiss again.

You say you would often send sympathetic responses and then follow up texts asking after her. Yeah don't do that. You're just telling her your time is worthless and she is more important than you.
It's a green light for her to treat you like you simply don't matter.

I'd just reply 'best wishes to mum/brother. Another time.'
Then just leave it alone for a while and say you're booked on any further suggested dates. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Xx

It’s old though, has been done a million times so sadly not as effective now.

Yes!!

I think this is a good reply. It’s well boundaried but you come across well in it too, really mature ( unlike the other suggested replies on this thread).

I have/had a friend like this. We work in the same area. She called all the time for work reasons. She always cancelled plans. One time we had a catch up planned with our children who are all the same age. Her dc wasn't listening so she cancelled meeting up as a punishment for her dc. That did it for me as my dc had been so excited,

I stopped making plans and texting first. I haven't seen her in over a year and heard from her a handful of times

She clearly doesn’t value your friendship and it seems you’re the last resort when no one else available. Either send no reply, or just a no frills ‘ok’ but move on and don’t bother contacting her again.

You don’t need to reply. But I would be tempted to say “you have cancelled the last 3 times maybe it’s best to leave meeting up for a while”

I replied, “Probably best we don’t make plans to meet as you seem quite busy atm. Call me when you are free to meet up”Tgen I blocked her

I must admit I only let friends cancel twice before disengaging, Had this shit pulled once too often.

I don’t do it with friends who do have real emergencies but when it is rubbish excuses and I know they are lying then I pull back immediately

I'd close the book on this friendship, but let her know first how she's made you feel, no need to be aggressive or sarcastic (you've every right to be direct).
'Honestly, I'm fed up being repeatedly cancelled on - it's become hurtful. So it's best for me to just not make plans with you again. Take care'.
Then ignore her messages (delete without reading) and focus on the people who show up for you. Don't let one person's laziness/flakiness get under your skin.

I would let this friendship fizzle out. No need for any drama just be unavailable for any future dates she suggests. I had a friend that would cancel a lot. It was predictable like you say and really started to piss me off. In the end I stopped all meet ups unless other mutual friends were invited so I knew the meet up would go ahead.

Knock it on the head. I wouldn't respond or accept the next date. She can find time for others but because you are so understanding she keeps dropping you.

I get this. I'm understanding and easy going and even recently I've lost a friend because I wouldn't accept her being shit when I really needed her. But I assume from her further actions that I should have and now she's the victim. No.

You soon find out who your friends are when you drop the rope. So drop it

Pretty common for people with anxiety to cancel last minute. They want to do it so make the plans then get so worked up they bail. Why not ask her what the problem is?

So you're not a priority. And she's preventing you from making plans when comitting to see you and then flakes. I would just tell her that you're booked every time she asks from now on. She's wasting your time, don't let her.

They should have anxiety if they keep doing this
If I have a day off to go out then that day I don’t earn.

Cancel on me and waste my time and money, people with anxiety won’t have anxiety around me again because I won’t make arrangements to go out with them again

One of my mum friends has cancelled brunch three times in a row since the summer. It's really annoying because it's for me, her and another friend, all with kids, so we are only free every couple of months.

I didn't reply for a few hours then just sent "Ah ok, hopefully see you soon."

Next time I will message the other friend and suggest we go without her!