I think he's falling in love with the girl he told me not to worry about

[Sanidi]

Im 27, I have 2 kids who are 2 and 4, their dad and I broke up 18 months ago.
For the last 9 months ago, I met a guy on a dating app and we've been together since. I have my kids 50/50 with my ex and we agreed no introducing to partners before it's been a year so my bf hasn't met my kids.
This weekend I had my kids so I didn't see my bf. I have my kids Monday Tuesday and every other Friday-Sunday so they are off to their dads now until Sunday. I went to see my bf last night (Wednesday night). This was after a particularly low contact weekend, usually we FaceTime when the kids are in bed but he had plans with friends.
While I was there one of his friends FaceTimed him. She's 20, so 8 years younger than him but they work together. She's just broke up with her long term boyfriend and was crying.
I've always felt a bit threatened by her, they do stuff together just them often. In the summer they went for drinks in the park or drinks after work together a lot. He always told me not to worry, they are just friends.
One night when I was staying at his she called him (not her boyfriend) at 2am because no Ubers were accepting her and cabs are expensive and she didn't know what to do (Thursday night so no night tube either). He left me at his to go get her (walking to where she was a good 25 min away) bringing her back to his and she slept in the living room. I was annoyed but again she's just a friend.
Weekend before last I went out with him and her and some of his other friends. She'd broke up with her boyfriend on the Saturday this was the Sunday and I felt like he was just looking at her in that way? I don't know how to explain it but that look when guys are just really into someone. He did it again last night while she was on FaceTime.
He's also hung out with her all weekend, they went to an art exhibition, for food etc. other friends joined at points but they were also alone a lot too.
I feel like I also sense it from her, she's always very complimentary like when he answered the FaceTime call she was like "oh you shaved, you look good" or comments on him being "cute".
She also has a teddy bear or something and during the call he would speak as though he was the teddy bear (things like "cheer up and give me a cuddle" but in a silly voice) which feels really weird to do with a friend?

AIBU to think he's falling for her? It's breaking my heart as I actually love him so much and it feels like he loves someone else?

Good response OP. 'Clara' sounds like she was making a major play for him anyway, and he wasn't resisting. You have kids to think about, which gives him a lot of time to be flattered by a 20 year old with the hots for him, so don't bother taking him back. I suspect it will be business as usual if you do.

Well done, OP 💐

Dignified, adult statement. Loved the bit about taking the kids out with their dad. And I bet the 'I love you' bit makes him feel worse than a rant would have.

You knew, didn't you. Always trust your feelings. You were right.

It probably doesn't feel like it now, but the message from the acquaintance was the best thing that could happen. No more agonising, wondering, uncertainty, lies (and don't forget his lies). Just being freed to move on with your life and not be a supporting player in his.

Which is why I think that when people ask if they should tell their friend they know her OH is cheating, the answer is Yes.

If he hasn't shrugged and moved on, he may well soon be attempting hoovering; saying what he thinks you want him to say to take him back (as in, have the pleasure of two women on the go again, because he's currently one down). That's a vulnerable time, so focus on your kids, work, friends, other things.

Probably best to take someone with you at the weekend when you go to collect.

So sorry, and please don't take him back if by any chance he reaches to you in that sense ( ever). You are very strong, his message is rude and I salute you for an adult response. I am quite a bit older than you and not sure I would resist addressing the 'you can ask Clara' part of his message. I would have sent this:
"Like what the actual f, are you suggesting I should trust a 20year old who is kissing my bf and inviting him back to her place. Yeah sure she must have my wellbeing on the list of her priorities. Do you even have your identity anymore or is it little 'oh please save me' Clara who is your spokesperson for the foreseeable future?! Oh ffs go and play with her - teddy beaaarrrr 🤮)"
Aarrrghhh man you are one strong lady.

@Sanidi, how are you doing today? Did you hear from him again?

Sending strength OP.
I know you're in pain but be strong. This will pass.
If you find yourself wavering if he attempts to crawl back then post here and we'll support.
If he doesn't come begging then don't let that damage your sense of self as their behaviour is no reflection on you.
There will be growth in this and you'll be ok.

Well done - you’ve done the right thing

Tale as old as time, men and women are very rarely friends without there being more to it. Leave them to it and remove yourself from the situation.
edit
just seen you have infact left him, well done and don’t believe anything he says when he inevitably comes crawling back

Explain how you feel but like others have said. This relationship is still new to you and your vulnerable from your old relationship.

Don't invest any more in this man. He's clearly not up to the responsibility of a committed relationship. It's also very soon after your split with your ex. I know it's nice to I have a "special someone", especially when you are a single parent, but you are not "special" to him.

This pretty much covers it. Well done you for ending it 👍....it is so hard walking away from someone you care about; but at least the kids didn't get embroiled. And you did it so dignified...hold your head up high 🥰

You have been together a relatively short amount of time and that entire time he was waiting in the wings for his colleague to become available; jumping in as soon as their was a vacancy. It will never work...he disrespected your trust throughout. His ex colleague nailed it. Your better than that. What a fab woman to have your back 😍

Onwards and upwards. Like the lady who messaged you says...you deserve better. Good luck OP ❤️

Do not destroy your kids life, they deserve better. Focus on being a mom first and then your sentimental and sexual life.

One way to ascertain their intentions would be to propose 3sum between all of you. If neither of them are receptive to the idea, then you can assume that you are safe and that neither him or her are interested in each other.

I wouldn't "chill" about a 9 month relationship petering out. I'd care.

OP I think people are being harsh here. If course you're allowed to feel sad and even jealous about this situation.

It's sad we live in a society where people diminish a woman's right to have any life outside of having kids.

However it does sound like it's not going to work out. Either he loves this other woman or he's generally very flirty which also wouldn't be good.

I'd probably leave. You can spend time with family and friends and take care of yourself. There will be other guys out there.

Sorry I didn't see this before.and sorry this happened.

Great response. You sound like a intelligent, strong and emotionally mature person. Wishing you all the best 💜

How are you today, OP?

I hope you had really loud sex with your BF while she slept in the living room?

It does look bad, but I'm queerplatonic with one of my friends and people constantly ask if we're dating, that's what it looks like. We aren't dating or in love, but we like the cute little physical things. So I'm inclined not to jump to conclusions.

@TheLovelinessOfDemons do take a few moments to catch up

Already did thanks. My point still stands, I was wrong about this case, but people shouldn't jump to conclusions.

And yes, a man and a woman can be friends without either of them being attracted to the other, I'm bi, I can honestly say I'm not attracted to any of my friends.

What in God's name is queerplatonic ....?

Ffs something else I have to learn????

Your kids are very young. Stop wasting time on this bloke and focus on your kids for a while. It is obvious he likes this other woman.

I see that @Sanidi hasn’t returned to update. I sincerely hope that this faithless guy isn’t still in the picture. He’s been running two romances simultaneously and triangulating Sanidi and Clara, clearly basking in the validation of his two adoring women. His emotional infidelity was destructive, and his friend was ace to alert Sanidi about his recent escalation to physical betrayal. He is weak, immature and non monogamous, so would be a very poor bet for reconciliation.