I think he's falling in love with the girl he told me not to worry about

[Sanidi]

Im 27, I have 2 kids who are 2 and 4, their dad and I broke up 18 months ago.
For the last 9 months ago, I met a guy on a dating app and we've been together since. I have my kids 50/50 with my ex and we agreed no introducing to partners before it's been a year so my bf hasn't met my kids.
This weekend I had my kids so I didn't see my bf. I have my kids Monday Tuesday and every other Friday-Sunday so they are off to their dads now until Sunday. I went to see my bf last night (Wednesday night). This was after a particularly low contact weekend, usually we FaceTime when the kids are in bed but he had plans with friends.
While I was there one of his friends FaceTimed him. She's 20, so 8 years younger than him but they work together. She's just broke up with her long term boyfriend and was crying.
I've always felt a bit threatened by her, they do stuff together just them often. In the summer they went for drinks in the park or drinks after work together a lot. He always told me not to worry, they are just friends.
One night when I was staying at his she called him (not her boyfriend) at 2am because no Ubers were accepting her and cabs are expensive and she didn't know what to do (Thursday night so no night tube either). He left me at his to go get her (walking to where she was a good 25 min away) bringing her back to his and she slept in the living room. I was annoyed but again she's just a friend.
Weekend before last I went out with him and her and some of his other friends. She'd broke up with her boyfriend on the Saturday this was the Sunday and I felt like he was just looking at her in that way? I don't know how to explain it but that look when guys are just really into someone. He did it again last night while she was on FaceTime.
He's also hung out with her all weekend, they went to an art exhibition, for food etc. other friends joined at points but they were also alone a lot too.
I feel like I also sense it from her, she's always very complimentary like when he answered the FaceTime call she was like "oh you shaved, you look good" or comments on him being "cute".
She also has a teddy bear or something and during the call he would speak as though he was the teddy bear (things like "cheer up and give me a cuddle" but in a silly voice) which feels really weird to do with a friend?

AIBU to think he's falling for her? It's breaking my heart as I actually love him so much and it feels like he loves someone else?

Sorry just ready the updates!
you deserve better x

I'm all for mixed sex friendships. I have lots of male friends and I spend time with them one to one.

But he's dating this woman. There are no natural boundaries either, and his complete lack of self awareness is staggering. I'd run for the hills.

OP - your text is amazing. Well done

Who wants a man who cheats anyway? She's welcome to him

I love the “ you can ask Clara yourself .”

Like she’s a sort of objective third party …

Strength and dignity @Sanidi - you've got both. Fab, honest yet measured response.

You are so much better than this pair of kids x

The best thing you can do in this situation is sit him down and say 'I feel like there is something more going on with ....than just being friends or at least I feel like you want there to be. If that's the case as much as it will hurt me I would appreciate you being honest now that her relationship is over I would rather you told me now than in a few months time when I have introduced you to my children. I would like us to have a future but if I am not what you want then now is the time to tell me.'

Forget messing around screenshotting him messages and shit, just dump him

Text him: 'it's over'

That's it

Sorry just seen your update

Good work op

Well done, OP!

As soon as you have collected your stuff, block him on everything.

You’ve dodged a bullet. You really have. You’ll get through this 💐

Well done OP. Very dignified.

Many of us have been in your position, and behaved in considerably less dignified ways. I wish I could just fast forward you to the future, where you only feel relief that you didn't end up with him. That you will meet someone who is a good fit for you, that won't compromise your boundaries or gaslight you.

Well done. That was an excellent message.

I think his lack of response speaks volumes. He considered himself to be in the position of power; the one making the choices and the decisions. He thought he was holding all the cards and you've just taken that way from him. And he won't have been expecting that.

Well done for ending it! He really is a shit

Great response OP but hold your nerve! Don’t get into a conversation if he replies. Either don’t respond at all our keep it factual to arrangements to pick up your stuff. He’s definitely going to try to wheedle his way back in

I agree, He's clearly very close to this female friend-

Also, mega red flag- 🚩 if anyone ever says ''Don't worry about {name}'' it's a sure sign they fancy them on some level and have an interest there.

I had a long distance relationship once, and felt uneasy about a girl that would call round to his a lot- he'd say ''Don't worry! no need to be jealous, don't be paranoid''- and he was in fact shagging this woman. {I ended the 'relationship'}

Ditto ex husband- He had an older colleague that he had ''mentionitis' over, and he said ''don't worry, she's old!''- and he was shagging her, too.

@Sanidi Well done!

You took your POWER back.

So glad you have been proud and strong.

I bet he will try to come crawling back if it goes tits up with this woman-but don't have the faithless git back.

Well done- it hurts, but long term you will be happier.

OP you sound amazing. Very well thought out response and also you had the wisdom not to have got your kids involved. Well done you. You’ll land on your feet, just take it a day at a time and look after yourself.

Well done for doing that, even though it must be so painful. You don't deserve that.

I have a very similar situation with an ex and his close friend...I always had suspicions and made to feel crazy. They were always calling each other too, and staying at each others houses. I never found anything out at the time but when we finally did break up, he admitted he'd slept with her a few times. Always trust your gut and know there is better out there! X

I’m sorry to read your update but you are well rid of him.

Dump him (before he dumps you)

Oh just read the update. Sorry OP but you knew it was coming at least it’s over with now.

I must say, your response was much more dignified than my suggestion and way better, well done OP!

I particularly like this part: I'm meeting up with the kids dad to take them trick or treating. 😂

Excellent! Gives the impression that you have important things to do, life is still moving on for you and you aren't giving this even enough head space to stop you going out.

Hold your nerve because he's going to come with a watered down version of events with a side of gaslighting. Don't allow him to tug on your heart strings and don't do hysterical bonding sex.

I hope you're feeling a little better this morning. And that trick or treating went well.

I don't mind saying, I'm actually a bit in awe of you. You have good instincts and are very strong. However shitty you feel now, you're going to be OK.

My son is 26 and went through a very similar situation very recently - the friend he was told not to worry about... he's giving himself time. He's focusing on work and his friends and his hobbies. You're not alone in experiencing this. Take care x

Very dignified way of telling him to f*ck off - well done

Hope you are ok, you are better off without someone like that.

😂👏