Is it o.k to let your 11 year old daughter hang out on the local park?

[Sammy900]

Reasonable - Of course it's fine, all the other kids are, can't keep them locked in forever, got to start somewhere, build up trust time, etc

Unreasonable - No way, don't send her to the wolves, she isn't street wise, way too young, gangs of teenagers, creeps and weirdos, county lines, worst place possible to hang out, etc

Hi

Just looking for advice, preferably from parents who have been through this before or are going through it. My daughter is 11 in Yr7 and it's time to give her some more freedom. She's had sleep overs at friends and gone to friends houses etc.

She has a phone and has been walking to and from her new secondary school with her friends so far so has been getting used to that, but not really across the park, just sticking to the streets.

Recently she has been asking to meet with some friends after school on a Friday on the park and we have a few concerns but also don't want to be strict over-bearing parents and realise we need to allow her some time out of the house to just hang around with her friends.

The issue is it's getting darker and as a local urban park usually does, attracts older kids/ teens most likely a bit of dodgy this and that going on, Friday night after dark is not safe I don't think.

She then asked to meet some friends in the day between 2-4 - we said o.k this sounds fine..who are you meeting? Bit of a sketchy answer, umm I think so and so is going, maybe ...then I asked if they could call for her so we know who it is - nope this isn't the plan. Then it turns out she wants to meet a boy in her year group and it is just going to be those two. I feel uncomfortable about this as A) never met him, not sure where he lives or anything - this is a new friend she's met at school...B) She's not yet even tried hanging out with a few of her girl mates on the park yet.

I've said no to this this time until we know who he is and she said they both understand and perhaps mums can swop numbers and arrange something. I don't want to make her feel embarrassed if this is a new boyfriend by monitoring everything and introducing parents and all that..but equally need to know where she is who she is with and safeguard her.

How the hell has this all crept up so soon!!

How does everyone else deal with it. What are your thoughts please

Cheers

If so many children are "micromanaged" and "anxious" as you assert, then it's slim pickings for the small but stable part of the male population who do prey on children. Guess it's the 11 year olds whose parents do leave them unsupervised at the park.

You have a seven year old.

How on earth are you qualified to even know what is happening with pre teens and teens today? Some rose tinted, idealistic Waltons inspired view of life should be, rather than what it is.

If you choose for your seven year old to become another crime statistic as part of a misguided notion you are offering independence’ be my guest. Given everything that has been covered on this thread, you can at least say it was a loosely informed decision.

Your fixation on convincing other parents to send their little girls to the park alone makes me really question who you are, and what your motives are on this thread.

One of mine played out on the local fields within reason and for what it’s worth he was always very sporty, top sets, busy with clubs and never touched drugs or alcohol and still doesn’t (two of his closest friendship group are Muslim so the whole group tend to find other things to do). I’m police with long experience of working with troubled teens and a realistic grasp of the risks. Know your area, know your child and assess accordingly. They need to learn to some extent. No need for hysterics, just good engagement with those around you and them.

And we are back to histrionics.
And yet again, everyone is ignoring my questions about social media and if you feel that your kids are ‘safe’ on that. I wonder why.
You are ignoring every single argument I have made.
I will sum it up in one easy to digest paragraph for you and if you still don’t get it, I will leave you to it:

You are under protecting your children online and overprotecting them in the real world. The biggest risk from young kids from being groomed or inducted in to county lines is by social media NOT by going to a safe park in broad daylight for an hour or two with their mates.
The risk of anything actually bad happening to them by being in a safe park for a couple of hours in broad daylight is vanishingly small. The risk they will come to harm on social media is so much larger. And the risk they will grow up with no independence or resilience if you keep them wrapped in cotton wool their whole lives is even greater still.

Thats all I have to say.

Oh and I don’t need to be qualified.. how are you qualified?!! I read a lot on this subject, books based on actual references and research. And I have a brain. I don’t need to be ‘qualified’ to hold an opinion

Completely agree - very balanced and measured post.
I hung around with my mates at that age nearly 30 years ago when crime in the real world was higher. I live in a safe-ish town but it’s not leafy suburbia or anything. I never drank, never took drugs, never got in to trouble with the police and grew up to be far more resilient than most people I know.

Not meant in a goady way, but I wouldn't rely on the Muslim aspect keeping the friendship group out of that kind of trouble. The Muslim kids around here mostly in their cars and drink vodka once they hit a certain age kids are kids, whatever race and whatever they have been indoctrinated with and it's Pakistanis who are still behind most of the heroin seized at the airport here.

As I said, best to know your kids and their friends, they are 17 and could easily get served in a bar but as two of them are anti drinking, the others do their best to do other things socially so everyone can be included. My son has just passed his test and prefers to drive so I’d hope he most certainly isn’t drinking but I’m quietly confident he isn’t looking to mess up his future by making stupid decisions. I trust him I recognise I’m very privileged to be able to do at this age.

Good now stop talking.

You have engaged with me in bad faith numerous times. Even restored to trying to make out that I am a paedo myself or that I’m intentionally going to get my own son harmed. And now you’re telling me to stop talking?
I get it, you’re a parent trying to do the best by your child. And so am I. We have different values is all.

I don’t know why you have been on here posting absolutely relentlessly when this doesn’t affect you and won’t for years.

Agree People feel strongly because it’s the safety of their children at stake and we are all human and likely to get snippy. We are all just doing the best we can with the knowledge that we have. Some have knowledge / experience / confidence enough to let their children venture a little further. Some are misguided in doing so. Some keep our children very close in fear that something will happen. Some are misguided in doing so. We can’t know at this stage. We just have to do the best we can in bringing them up and hope that when the time comes we can trust them to make the right decisions. It’s only now mine are almost grown that I can feel like I did a good job. When they were younger I maybe wouldn’t have gambled on them always making the right choices. I just had to trust I’d brought them up with the correct values and confidence to say no. We are all just doing our best with varying levels of knowledge and fear.

It does affect me because I am thinking about my boy’s future and I believe giving age appropriate independence starts this young.
I also do not need to explain to you why I am ‘relentlessly’ posting on a thread on a topic that I am interested in. I’m sure you also post on plenty of threads about topics that don’t affect you.
I hope you’re a damn sight less rude to others. There are real people behind these posts and you don’t know what kind of position or state of mind they are in.
I know I have made some very good points in posting here and I believe that is why you are resorting to saying what you are because you can no longer argue your position in good faith.

Anecdotally my dd’s friend’s parents have taught her very little. They don’t talk to her at all. She is 16 and her parents treat her like an adult, when they should be treating her as a child and like a child in ways, when they should be treating her increasingly as someone on the cusp of adulthood. It is so strange and I am supporting her as best I can, ramming basic safeguarding information and knowledge into her head whenever I get a chance, especially as the school she attended for years 10 and 11 provides no PSHE lessons.

Her younger brother by 2 years is becoming rather wayward. Their parents have no concept of what is going on in the real world. Their mum was born abroad and highly educated but has such different frames of reference from the ones in this country. She’s a SAHM and is tasked with the parenting bit with dad a super busy workaholic. As a result I think their mum just presumes they aren’t doing stuff as she wouldn’t have dared and has zero concept of their online world.

And you haven’t come up with ONE evidence based reason for your assertions. You haven’t been able to back up anything you have said with any reasonable arguments either. You just resort to attacks. I don’t think you’re very bright tbh, so I can reasonably discard everything you have said